Most of us wake up and wish we could return to our beds. Feeling as if the extra few moments of slumber can magically alleviate our woes. As someone who has long battled insomnia, getting up immediately has allowed me to cover the quiet time alone (well, with cat). Now, much of my waking time is spent trying to figure out how to acquire more of it. It's not that I am antisocial, I'm far from it, I just recently seem to surround myself with the mundane. People who have full-length conversations about the weather, not because they are trying to make small talk but due largely to the fact, they don't have much else to offer. Spending one's days, going from place to place, not connecting on a cerebral level is a tough chore and one thing I've realized is that simple people tend to put lots of weight and value into what many call drama. Sure, they view the phrase with contempt but the reality is, much like the squirrels at the side of the road, it gives them that something they believe they need. Being the opposite of this has made me realize that stressors that are out of my control are, with the exception of financial insecurity, my main stressors.
This is not in any way meant to suggest I don't care for other people and their problems. It's their problems, that aren't problems, or the problems they bring upon themselves that get to me. When you look at some who have content lives bring on added pressure for no other reason than to do it, you sit back and wonder. When that added pressure causes a ripple effect and then alters your own existence, there's a feeling of pain. Pain in the sense that your thrust into a feeling of helplessness with the knowledge that you alone can not change this. Not legally at least. I don't always think people, couples, groups, teams, what have you, realize that the addition or subtraction of another life, even something as tiny a fish, can have a serious effect on the chemistry within a group. Just think about trying to choose a restaurant to go to with a partner or friend. Now add another, maybe even two? It then becomes a play based on power or maybe simply the power of suggestion. Most people don't view situations as living things, but any change to one's environment creates change in behavior and moods. From the most serious, the birth of a child or death of a family member, to the addition of a roommate, a new coworker, or adopting a pet, each change, no matter how small, changes the entire dynamic of one's environment and the initial reaction is quite often negative, which takes work to overcome. Even with the most positive attitude, change for the sake of change is a tough pill to swallow.
One of the other things I'm realizing is that financial woes affect us all. As someone who has ceased frivolous spending, aside from the occasional drinks, in an attempt to bond, the spending habits of others confounds me. I do not know why anyone with one car needs another. I do not know why anyone with a warm winter coat needs two more. I do not know why anyone needs more than two pairs of shoes, sneakers, or gloves. I used to but I do not now. That is me and while I can be judgmental I'd rather have someone explain it to me than to brush it off as "You're weird." I used to live on burgers, steaks, and chicken, but now I abstain, but it's quantifiable. I can and will explain should one be interested in learning this about me. Maybe this is my own self-inflicted stressor; needing to know or understand. Maybe I'll never understand the person who takes on a second job to buy tchotchkes, disrupting their serene life to live one of stress, all to acquire what most believe is junk. I liken it to wall art. While we all have our take on what is "nice," why would anyone want something that is merely nice on their walls. Why not create beauty, even if the desire for that particular view is short-lived? Why, nice?
Maybe it's age, anxiety, maybe even wisdom. We're all different and when I was younger, this would have rolled off my back and been an instant memory. I also realize in my youth, with much less responsibility, these people, with their own personal quirks that stressed me, would have short parts in my life. As I grow older, with much less stability, I realize there is a fine line I must walk every day and maybe that in itself is the stressor. Maybe it's not the outside causing me this pain but my own failures and inability to eradicate these people and their "stuff" from my life. I come back to the title of this blog, which went in directions I did not expect, still carefully toeing that line and yes, even in typing, choosing the words carefully, in case eyes that can't comprehend or are sensitive to what they view as scrutiny, should take the time. If they did, I guess I'd be wrong about them. Maybe that's a start.
This is not in any way meant to suggest I don't care for other people and their problems. It's their problems, that aren't problems, or the problems they bring upon themselves that get to me. When you look at some who have content lives bring on added pressure for no other reason than to do it, you sit back and wonder. When that added pressure causes a ripple effect and then alters your own existence, there's a feeling of pain. Pain in the sense that your thrust into a feeling of helplessness with the knowledge that you alone can not change this. Not legally at least. I don't always think people, couples, groups, teams, what have you, realize that the addition or subtraction of another life, even something as tiny a fish, can have a serious effect on the chemistry within a group. Just think about trying to choose a restaurant to go to with a partner or friend. Now add another, maybe even two? It then becomes a play based on power or maybe simply the power of suggestion. Most people don't view situations as living things, but any change to one's environment creates change in behavior and moods. From the most serious, the birth of a child or death of a family member, to the addition of a roommate, a new coworker, or adopting a pet, each change, no matter how small, changes the entire dynamic of one's environment and the initial reaction is quite often negative, which takes work to overcome. Even with the most positive attitude, change for the sake of change is a tough pill to swallow.
One of the other things I'm realizing is that financial woes affect us all. As someone who has ceased frivolous spending, aside from the occasional drinks, in an attempt to bond, the spending habits of others confounds me. I do not know why anyone with one car needs another. I do not know why anyone with a warm winter coat needs two more. I do not know why anyone needs more than two pairs of shoes, sneakers, or gloves. I used to but I do not now. That is me and while I can be judgmental I'd rather have someone explain it to me than to brush it off as "You're weird." I used to live on burgers, steaks, and chicken, but now I abstain, but it's quantifiable. I can and will explain should one be interested in learning this about me. Maybe this is my own self-inflicted stressor; needing to know or understand. Maybe I'll never understand the person who takes on a second job to buy tchotchkes, disrupting their serene life to live one of stress, all to acquire what most believe is junk. I liken it to wall art. While we all have our take on what is "nice," why would anyone want something that is merely nice on their walls. Why not create beauty, even if the desire for that particular view is short-lived? Why, nice?
Maybe it's age, anxiety, maybe even wisdom. We're all different and when I was younger, this would have rolled off my back and been an instant memory. I also realize in my youth, with much less responsibility, these people, with their own personal quirks that stressed me, would have short parts in my life. As I grow older, with much less stability, I realize there is a fine line I must walk every day and maybe that in itself is the stressor. Maybe it's not the outside causing me this pain but my own failures and inability to eradicate these people and their "stuff" from my life. I come back to the title of this blog, which went in directions I did not expect, still carefully toeing that line and yes, even in typing, choosing the words carefully, in case eyes that can't comprehend or are sensitive to what they view as scrutiny, should take the time. If they did, I guess I'd be wrong about them. Maybe that's a start.
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