Lately, I've been a bit obsessed with selfishness and selflessness. Not only in individuals I have direct contact with but in the concept of each. The more I think about this, the more I realize there is a great contradiction in the perception of those who are selfish and those who are selfless. What confounds me is, if selfish people don't know they're selfish and selfless people take no pride in their selflessness, how then do we teach children that self-value comes from altruism?
One may view this as a very simple problem but the quick, "easy" answers contradict the true meaning of these opposing character traits. For one to admit their selfishness, one would gather there is a very complex reason for it. For someone to admit their selflessness, would bring into question ulterior motives. It's something I struggle with greatly, when looking back on my life, especially in regards to the last 15 years.
One of the true struggles I have is whether or not doing what is right is selfless. I battle with this every day while working with kids. If we reward expected behavior, in an effort to teach those who misbehave, what is the lesson we're teaching the well-behaved? On the flip side, when one does for others and we constantly reward, do we lessen the uniqueness of the selfless act; possibly negating its selfless nature?
From a personal view, I look at my life and how I reacted to my mother's illness. The problem is, I look at my actions and how they affected my life, even today, in comparison to those I viewed and still do, as being selfish. Does my animosity towards others diminish the nature of my actions? Does my need to have my unselfish motives acknowledged make them selfish? Do those who I viewed as selfish get a pass, simply because they were unaware at the time they were being selfish? My life was negatively affected by this time, but my mind tells me I'd do nothing different. So what does that say about me? At the time, it was never about me but I wonder now if I've created a struggle within my own mind, where I need something to justify my current situation. I also get angry when I view others, in similar situations, put forth so little effort and not only looking for but demanding praise. Then, once their care is no longer needed, after the unhappiness that customarily follows death, life goes on for them. That irony, that death requires those to carry on, as if their sacrifices never existed. But that last sentence is where my struggle. The very fact that the word sacrifices came to my mind, is a selfish thought.
So how, when working or raising children. Do we show them that true altruism, which is rarely acknowledged and even less so, praised, is what will make them unselfish? How do we correlate their feeling of self-worth to things they can't take credit for? How do I teach them, when I don't know the answers for my own life? I try to be good, even better now than when I felt I was being my best me, but as time goes by, I wonder if I'm destroying that, at least for my own peace of mind. Even more so, how can I view selfish people with contempt and still do for them? Doesn't my contempt immediately make my act about proving a point, thus making it anything but altruistic?
I don't know and despite this blog being convoluted, this is something that I struggle with each and every day, almost to the point of anxiety. I realize I can only control my own actions but at times, I wish I could be more like others, the ones I live my life trying not to be.
One may view this as a very simple problem but the quick, "easy" answers contradict the true meaning of these opposing character traits. For one to admit their selfishness, one would gather there is a very complex reason for it. For someone to admit their selflessness, would bring into question ulterior motives. It's something I struggle with greatly, when looking back on my life, especially in regards to the last 15 years.
One of the true struggles I have is whether or not doing what is right is selfless. I battle with this every day while working with kids. If we reward expected behavior, in an effort to teach those who misbehave, what is the lesson we're teaching the well-behaved? On the flip side, when one does for others and we constantly reward, do we lessen the uniqueness of the selfless act; possibly negating its selfless nature?
From a personal view, I look at my life and how I reacted to my mother's illness. The problem is, I look at my actions and how they affected my life, even today, in comparison to those I viewed and still do, as being selfish. Does my animosity towards others diminish the nature of my actions? Does my need to have my unselfish motives acknowledged make them selfish? Do those who I viewed as selfish get a pass, simply because they were unaware at the time they were being selfish? My life was negatively affected by this time, but my mind tells me I'd do nothing different. So what does that say about me? At the time, it was never about me but I wonder now if I've created a struggle within my own mind, where I need something to justify my current situation. I also get angry when I view others, in similar situations, put forth so little effort and not only looking for but demanding praise. Then, once their care is no longer needed, after the unhappiness that customarily follows death, life goes on for them. That irony, that death requires those to carry on, as if their sacrifices never existed. But that last sentence is where my struggle. The very fact that the word sacrifices came to my mind, is a selfish thought.
So how, when working or raising children. Do we show them that true altruism, which is rarely acknowledged and even less so, praised, is what will make them unselfish? How do we correlate their feeling of self-worth to things they can't take credit for? How do I teach them, when I don't know the answers for my own life? I try to be good, even better now than when I felt I was being my best me, but as time goes by, I wonder if I'm destroying that, at least for my own peace of mind. Even more so, how can I view selfish people with contempt and still do for them? Doesn't my contempt immediately make my act about proving a point, thus making it anything but altruistic?
I don't know and despite this blog being convoluted, this is something that I struggle with each and every day, almost to the point of anxiety. I realize I can only control my own actions but at times, I wish I could be more like others, the ones I live my life trying not to be.
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