Hop's Thoughts

I had considered making this into a nuanced attack on people. Some probably expected that. I could have gone the route of using animal's anxiety, depression, or insane behaviors as nothing more but complex mimicry. I could have talked about how much of what we perceive as unconditional love is merely well-trained food desire. Please realize, we're the ones who are trained, not our animal friends. I'm not going to do that, but instead, I'm going to dissect my own life and how it has created a feline lifestyle unique to my own way of living. Is my cat, Swag, a happy cat? I think he is, because, like me, he expects little from the world and is satisfied with the most simple pleasures. Despite loving the outdoors, nature, and the unexpected, he finds solace in the darkest corners and contentment and comfort in our quiet mornings and lazy evenings. Swag likes to get up early and once he is up, he's up. He wants food, to poop, to groom himself, and then, if time allows,...

I have the time in the morning. Much of it is due to my rising before the sun. I put on my socks, sweats, and thermal. Another part is that Swag always comes first. His bowls are washed, then refilled with fresh water, new food. The utensils are washed, the leftover, saved for dinner, stored for the evening. I then wash out my cup, the carafe, the filter. I proceed with the process. Twelve minutes max, most of the time only eight. I walk downstairs and open the door. Swag hesitates, then scampers out into the snow. I stand, allowing the frigid air to revive me. My bones feel old, but the mind reacts to the cold. I say goodbye to Swag, leave the inner door cracked, then head to the stairs. Carefully pulling the apartment door closed, but slightly ajar, for Swag. I walk in, as I have a thousand times. I look and in utter dismay, I begin to tremble. I fall to my knees and scream "Why God? Why have you forsaken me?" Tears fall and soak the floor. The roommate...

I recently watched a Korean film titled Friend.  It was about four boys who grew up together and despite going in separate directions with their choices, they are often reconnected by chance or circumstance. The film is a gangster film, but the heart of it is really an examination of the bonds formed by circumstance versus loyalty. What I took away from it is that circumstance or location does not necessarily equate to loyalty. Loyalty is a choice and one that can change depending on new circumstances or events. Does one's loyalty to his friends change when distance separates them? That is up to them; both of them. Does loyalty change when the opportunity arises, even if the opportunity means gain at the expense of loyalty? Again, this is a choice. Does the group dynamic change for all based on the decision of one? The simple answer is yes, but that is not to say that there might not be a member whose loyalty is unwavering, even if he supports both affected parties differently. Gro...

Dear Adults, Imagine if someone else... Took out the trash Took out the recycling Cleaned the bathroom Swept the kitchen floor Cleaned the counters Cleaned the dishes Put the dishes away Shoveled the walk Fed, walked, and looked after your pet Appeased you when the burdens of everyday life were too much Commiserated with you about how hard you work Fixed things that you never knew were broken Complimented you on things that may even have been failures Agreed with your views, even when they knew you were wrong Did activities they had no interest in, to make you feel a sense of achievement Allowed criticism without ever giving it Never commented on the assistance you get they may even envy Did everything around your schedule Completed your chores when you had downtime Ate your food, even if you're not a good cook Never commenting on your lack of social graces Allowed you to be who you are when you're alone, even if it's vile Gave you money, so you di...

I had a tummy ache on Monday. OK, it was more nausea than ache. I rarely get colds and it is even rarer for me to feel nauseous. I work with kids, so being sick is an acceptable excuse for all my coworkers, but except for missing a week of work while in the hospital with diverticulitis, I've never called out sick. Not a single time, in over twenty-two years of working with children. This is not to say I haven't taken a pre-scheduled day off, changed schedules to make work at a later date and simply, planned around expected events, it simply means, I've only once been too sick to work. Let me also add, that before this year, I've never had a job, working with kids, that paid me if I missed work. Never! So a little nausea was enough for me to attempt to earn a paid sick day. Whether or not I am paid for it is yet to be determined, but I am hopeful I will be. I do find it interesting that my symptoms were alleviated shortly after my request had been granted. Within thr...

This weekend, my roommate and her boyfriend, who is visiting from California, traveled to Syracuse for a conference. For the first time since moving in on August 5, I spent the weekend with her dog, without her. Despite her trepidation, it was a delight. I've long held the belief that pets behaviors are mirrors of their human's true self. When I look at my cat, I see a caring, loving soul, who is stubborn, craves companionship, but also covets solitude. He eats a little too much, but maintains his current weight, with slight fluctuations. He is not a picky eater and loves a treat. He is a light sleeper, but does love to lounge about. He is friendly, but very quick to pass judgment based on nothing more than his instincts. He loves the outdoors but not crowds or loud company. He is not concerned with material things and gets bored easily. I look at him and see myself. I also could not do what she trusted me with. Other than a surgery, I've not spent more than a single night ...

Where I am now, I often think of the most random people. People who were friends in the most simple definition of the word, but whose absence never bothered me, nor mine them. I miss them now. I wonder how they are. I wonder if they're happy or sad. We shared good times and lots of laughs. I wonder also about those I've forgotten. It seems a bit of a puzzle to miss those you've forgotten, but there are so many who I shared a night of drinking, laughing, dancing, never to see again. I wish them well and that their lives are even a fraction as enjoyable as some of those nights. I think about now and the buzzwords: toxic, anxious, depressed, trauma, and various descriptions of sadness. It's all I see on Facebook and all I overhear, as I try to shut out the negativity of the world and embrace moments of joy. Last night, I lay in bed with an acquaintance's dog and my trusty Swag, and I felt there is no place else I'd rather be. One reaching to touch my leg, moving cl...

Thought of the Day: Being true to one's self is hard enough, but trying to be someone or something you're not, expending so much energy on projecting the facade, must be the most debilitating and stressful thing one can imagine. For those who put up this false sense of calm, collected, and zen-like nature, I would have to imagine the burden of doing this day in and day out creates so much anxiety and depression that it is unbearable. When the facade becomes routine, I would have to believe the blur between external and internal realities has to be confusing, if not completely overwhelming. At what point does the lie, become cognitive dissonance, and at what point does the cognitive dissonance become an unhealthy mental state?

As I sit halfway through my 49th year, I've come to the realization that I can look back at each decade, I've never been in the right place at the right time. I'm soon-to-be-50, which for some is a milestone, but for me, I'd simply like to live comfortably in the decade I'm inhabiting. So what am I talking about? Chronologically, I am 49. Physically, there are times I feel as if I'm 69 or 79., depending on the weather and what I may or may not have done the day before. Mentally, I feel 39, knowing what I need to know to be a responsible, accountable, and productive adult. At times, when I realize how few responsible, accountable, and productive people there actually are, I feel I have the wisdom of an 89-year-old. Yes, I feel it's that rare. My desires have me feeling as if I'm 19 again. I long to play sports, meet new people, experience new things, and not care about tomorrow. Those times were not the best when I look back, but the repercussions seeme...

3 Minutes I am a morning person, but then again, I'm an evening person. I'm an after midnight person too. I laugh at those who preach their inability to function before coffee. The reality, to us, not them is that they are not functioning all that well after coffee either. Mental crutches. I had two margaritas last night. Cucumber in flavor. My morning is the same as if I had stayed in bed with Swag. I long for days and nights with coffee followed by margaritas. Can you imagine being so little of a morning person you can't even utter the words "Good Morning?" I live with someone like this. I offer my good wishes and I'm received and responded to with grunts, sighs, and the occasional frantic whinny. It's almost as if you can tell the complaints from the arduous day before they begin. Time

I've noticed recently that I've been apologizing to others for things I have failed to do for myself.  The very process of writing this down makes it sound absurd. I am vegan, but I have knowingly eaten a few things that were not vegan during the holidays. I found myself explaining it to people who were not even present. So I do more for the environment, nature, and animals than 95% of the world, but I find it necessary to admonish myself publicly for a private action that affected nobody. Who does this? I apologized to someone for being late, after saying I'd be absent, for a reason that was no fault of my own. Realize, I was only late, not absent, but I apologized. When I explained this to another, they said I should have been thanked. I was still apologizing yesterday, despite being early, while everyone else, and I literally mean, every single person I work with was late. No apologies from them. I have explained things to people who care or don't, but for some r...

I posted this yesterday on Facebook. It's a brief story about my experiences while waiting for my car to be worked on Wednesday. I never really thought about making it a blog, but it's probably ten times more interesting than anything I've written recently, thanks to the wonderful people involved.  This is an actual story, with no motive, no agenda, no politics, no religion, no slant, nothing. Just a story. Yesterday, I took my car in at 8:15 AM to get an inspection, an oil change, new windshield wipers, and what I assumed would be other work, praying it would be inexpensive. They ended up not taking my car into the garage until nearly 11:00, but that isn't the important part. The part I'm telling is my time at McDonald's. I walked from the garage, about a quarter-mile, to the local McDonald's. It's been ages since I've been in a Mickey D's, but I figured I'd do some paperwork while having a coffee. I ordered a large and sat down. A f...

Americans are capitalists. This, over time, has caused a social phenomenon of wanting more. Whether it be money, houses, cars, relationships, or trinkets, we are obsessed with having more. A side effect of this phenomenon is being obsessed with showing we deserve more, because, in our minds, we do more. This isn't as simple as it sounds. Trust me. Recently, I've witnessed a few situations where people in relationships, both intimate and plutonic, have seemed very concerned with the concept of more, but most times miss a key factor. There's the woman who arrived to work early and the man who showed up on time. This occurred three days in a row, then on the fourth, the woman was late and the man was early. She asked him if he put in for his time and he snickered. He commented that, while he was early, his shift did not begin until a specific time, therefore, despite his punctuality, he did not deserve to be paid for his time. Angered, she said she always put in for her time...

Sixteen days later. My first paid time off from work in almost eight years and first paid week off in over twenty had ended. I arrived early. Not to see the kids, but to help. Not patting myself on the back, simply making the transition easier for others. I was rewarded by the smiles of the very first child I saw, handing me a cupcake. Her return marked by her birthday. Her twin brother sat across the hall, scurrying when he saw me, offering me a cupcake. I'm vegan, the cupcakes were not. What would you do? I hold my values dear, but my worship of these children and their happiness takes precedence over my righteousness and even my health. The time off was spent relaxing; too much I realized as I am the only staff member not to fulfill a paperwork obligation. Lounging about, day drinking, football, and the immense pleasure of spending time with my cat, Swag. He is the one who must now readjust to reality. The children allowed me to go to another place. I can only imagine what he ...

This will now be the fourth blog or post I've written on this topic and, if published, only the first one I have no deleted. I was recently called overly judgmental by a Facebook friend. I specify the social media site, because at no point have I ever really considered this person a friend. They are merely a friend of people I once hung out with or, at the very least, hung out at the same locale. Under this format, we often refer to people as friends. I do not.  So, this accusation was followed by a tiny personal attack, then a regurgitated explanation of how this person is suffering things I can't imagine. Ironically, my post was all about holding off on complaints of the self, as there are, and always will be, others suffering far greater issues, both physically and mentally. No person's illness is worse than an other's death. That, I believe, we can all agree on. This person could not. This person often complains, in seek of praise for their fortitude, sympathy, o...

Bird Box - Tense, amazing acting, social commentary, homages. It lived up to the hype! Marvel: The Avengers - Fun, tons of action, corny humor. Comic book comes to life Avengers: Age of Ultron - nowhere near as much fun as The Avengers. Spider-Man: Homecoming - Great fun despite the lack of a bigtime villain. Avengers: Infinity Wars - Action-packed, decent humor early on, but lacks depth.  Annihilation - Trippy, but wondering if it is really as shallow as Ex Machina The Night Manager (series) - Hiddleston's best work. Bier's direction is incredibly tight! A Scandal in Belgravia - Lare Pulver's Irene Adler is worth the rewatch. Sherlock S2 E1 Watchmen - Revisited one of my favorite comic book movies. Still amazing and relevant. The Truth About Alcohol - Silly documentary dispelling myths that were already dispelled. Russell Brand: Rebirth - I like Brand. He's smart, funny, and charming. This was a snoozefest. Tumbbad - Slow burn, literally. The ending may ma...

I intend to write for 20 minutes, but who knows if I can babble that long without stopping. The quiet of the snowy morning, the hungover heads, and the cold air is a wonderful contrast to the clanking dishes, incessant coughing, and high volumed television of last night. I sat alone, cuddled up with Swag, watching Game of Thrones for nearly six straight hours. A third of a bottle of whiskey, some coffee, and almond milk made for a decent cold Irish coffee. I came out a few times, the mess increasing, until this morning when I walked out and gasped. I've said before, I judge people by how they treat chairs. It's a good marker. Coffee pot on, a grin on the cat's face or is that his natural lool? I decided to take the quiet time to prepare something for lunch, maybe for dinner. Braved the cold to give my dog friend some biscuits. I wondered aloud why he's so quiet and outside on such a cold morning. I assume he's fine, but if it persists I'll worry. There was no ...