I intend to write for 20 minutes, but who knows if I can babble that long without stopping.
The quiet of the snowy morning, the hungover heads, and the cold air is a wonderful contrast to the clanking dishes, incessant coughing, and high volumed television of last night. I sat alone, cuddled up with Swag, watching Game of Thrones for nearly six straight hours. A third of a bottle of whiskey, some coffee, and almond milk made for a decent cold Irish coffee. I came out a few times, the mess increasing, until this morning when I walked out and gasped. I've said before, I judge people by how they treat chairs. It's a good marker. Coffee pot on, a grin on the cat's face or is that his natural lool? I decided to take the quiet time to prepare something for lunch, maybe for dinner. Braved the cold to give my dog friend some biscuits. I wondered aloud why he's so quiet and outside on such a cold morning. I assume he's fine, but if it persists I'll worry. There was no ringing in, no clinking glass, not hugs or kisses, not even a phone call or a text. I shut it down about ten minutes before. Content to see last even and last year slip away without fanfare. It wasn't the best, but far from the worst. New beginnings are a myth in the new year. My car's expired inspection needs to be handled, my rent must be paid, and gas, food, and any social life are secondary right now. The enhanced financial situation of a paid vacation, my first in nearly twenty-five years, is sure to be decimated, as my winter savings have been the last few Decembers, oddly, not due to gift-giving. A conversation with a good friend, one that has been a long time coming, brought smiles to my face, then the memories of years past brought a tear to my eye. So many close friends, those who I shared many nights, but oh so many New Year's Eves together, gone, but never forgotten. I tipped my mug, and thought of all of their smiles, their laughs, and their commitment and mine, to our friendship. New beginnings they say, but sadly, I know we'll all lose some along the way. We'll gain others and I take solace in the pictures of friends' children. Those innocent smiles that bring them to our faces. I imagine life being different and I think about how long I've imagined it. The cackles come from a room away, but there was no joke that preceded it. Nervous laughter or compensation or, quite possibly both. I care only because it affects me. Selfish,, I know, but as someone who preaches empathy, understanding, and kindness, I also know selfishness and solitude serve a healthy, important role. I will go into this year, like I go into every day, simply hoping my presence brings some light to another. If it is reciprocated, I will appreciate it, but it is not necessary. I have what I need. What I want is for others to have and if they share, I'll be grateful. I'm thankful for them either way. I do wish health, happiness, and reasonable prosperity for all. Take what you need from this Earth, but think about the difference between want and need. Teach others, but never stop learning. I read about the philosophy of sound yesterday. Our reception of sound creates so much within us, but does it affect the sound by us hearing it? A tree falls, yes, cliche. What we should ask is why? At least, I think so. We need our trees and whether we hear them or not, they are falling. I feel as if the old question has become a metaphor for our very existence. Instead of whether or not we hear it, we should be asking ourselves if we care. In the coming year, I feel I will not create change, but I will change what I create. I will attempt to rid me of what didn't work in 2019 or, to be honest, yesterday, last week, or last month. I will continue with what works for me without jeopardizing others' happiness, but I will be more mindful of my own. I realize we can not make everyone happy, but we must try. We must not believe that we should come first, unless we're the only one who needs it. If we fall, does it matter? It should, to everyone. Interestingly I was done and with four seconds to spare.
The quiet of the snowy morning, the hungover heads, and the cold air is a wonderful contrast to the clanking dishes, incessant coughing, and high volumed television of last night. I sat alone, cuddled up with Swag, watching Game of Thrones for nearly six straight hours. A third of a bottle of whiskey, some coffee, and almond milk made for a decent cold Irish coffee. I came out a few times, the mess increasing, until this morning when I walked out and gasped. I've said before, I judge people by how they treat chairs. It's a good marker. Coffee pot on, a grin on the cat's face or is that his natural lool? I decided to take the quiet time to prepare something for lunch, maybe for dinner. Braved the cold to give my dog friend some biscuits. I wondered aloud why he's so quiet and outside on such a cold morning. I assume he's fine, but if it persists I'll worry. There was no ringing in, no clinking glass, not hugs or kisses, not even a phone call or a text. I shut it down about ten minutes before. Content to see last even and last year slip away without fanfare. It wasn't the best, but far from the worst. New beginnings are a myth in the new year. My car's expired inspection needs to be handled, my rent must be paid, and gas, food, and any social life are secondary right now. The enhanced financial situation of a paid vacation, my first in nearly twenty-five years, is sure to be decimated, as my winter savings have been the last few Decembers, oddly, not due to gift-giving. A conversation with a good friend, one that has been a long time coming, brought smiles to my face, then the memories of years past brought a tear to my eye. So many close friends, those who I shared many nights, but oh so many New Year's Eves together, gone, but never forgotten. I tipped my mug, and thought of all of their smiles, their laughs, and their commitment and mine, to our friendship. New beginnings they say, but sadly, I know we'll all lose some along the way. We'll gain others and I take solace in the pictures of friends' children. Those innocent smiles that bring them to our faces. I imagine life being different and I think about how long I've imagined it. The cackles come from a room away, but there was no joke that preceded it. Nervous laughter or compensation or, quite possibly both. I care only because it affects me. Selfish,, I know, but as someone who preaches empathy, understanding, and kindness, I also know selfishness and solitude serve a healthy, important role. I will go into this year, like I go into every day, simply hoping my presence brings some light to another. If it is reciprocated, I will appreciate it, but it is not necessary. I have what I need. What I want is for others to have and if they share, I'll be grateful. I'm thankful for them either way. I do wish health, happiness, and reasonable prosperity for all. Take what you need from this Earth, but think about the difference between want and need. Teach others, but never stop learning. I read about the philosophy of sound yesterday. Our reception of sound creates so much within us, but does it affect the sound by us hearing it? A tree falls, yes, cliche. What we should ask is why? At least, I think so. We need our trees and whether we hear them or not, they are falling. I feel as if the old question has become a metaphor for our very existence. Instead of whether or not we hear it, we should be asking ourselves if we care. In the coming year, I feel I will not create change, but I will change what I create. I will attempt to rid me of what didn't work in 2019 or, to be honest, yesterday, last week, or last month. I will continue with what works for me without jeopardizing others' happiness, but I will be more mindful of my own. I realize we can not make everyone happy, but we must try. We must not believe that we should come first, unless we're the only one who needs it. If we fall, does it matter? It should, to everyone. Interestingly I was done and with four seconds to spare.
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