Overly Judgmental

This will now be the fourth blog or post I've written on this topic and, if published, only the first one I have no deleted. I was recently called overly judgmental by a Facebook friend. I specify the social media site, because at no point have I ever really considered this person a friend. They are merely a friend of people I once hung out with or, at the very least, hung out at the same locale. Under this format, we often refer to people as friends. I do not. 

So, this accusation was followed by a tiny personal attack, then a regurgitated explanation of how this person is suffering things I can't imagine. Ironically, my post was all about holding off on complaints of the self, as there are, and always will be, others suffering far greater issues, both physically and mentally. No person's illness is worse than an other's death. That, I believe, we can all agree on. This person could not. This person often complains, in seek of praise for their fortitude, sympathy, or simply false empathy, in the form of likes and ultra-sympathetic comments. Remember, sympathy is not empathy. 

I immediately "unfriended" this person and felt nothing for this loss. Do not misconstrue this comment. I mean this person no harm or ill will and do not wish their very real health problems to do anything but to diminish. While I don't know her specific pain, I do no excruciating pain and living with it every moment of every day. I, however, did not turn to a life of sitting about, smoking or eating marijuana and taking to Facebook every time I hurt and felt unloved or needed my esteem boosted. I digress, because, despite my slight annoyance, this is meant to be a positive spin on a negative reaction. 

Judging is natural. Judgment is a good thing. Those of us who judge based on life experience are judging not to condemn, but to point out what is good or just. Do we not judge the beauty of art based on the visceral reaction combined with every other work of art we've ever seen? Do we not judge good based on the actions of others in comparison to others? The Bible, tells us not to judge, for it is God's right, but in doing so, is asking us to judge God and his son's character above all others. If not for judgment and the act of judging, based on side-by-side comparisons, how would we choose to follow? Faith, even the blind variety, is done so based on the judgment that choosing not to, would be wrong. The difference between right and wrong is a judgment, is it not?

What I've learned, both through my own life experiences and through actual research is that empathetic and altruistic people are often the most judgmental. They judge situations of need, illness, and despair in ways that sap their own personal energies. They take on the pain, suffering, and desire for change internally and their heightened sensitivities are stressors those who are actually going through the divisive situations cannot understand. The inability to understand this is, ironically, overly judgmental. Empaths are highly sensitive, intuitive, self-aware, and base so much of their lives on personal mistakes, mistakes of others, and each other's sacrifices and successes. The act of embracing and enveloping others' pains and fears is in its very essence a judgment.

I will remember this moment for a long time. The day someone put their own illness over the lives of others, yet called me out for being overly judgmental. I will laugh at the hypocrisy, snicker at the irony, and mock the contradictory nature of it. I will, for as long as I live, view that overly judgmental title as a badge of honor, not in a sarcastic fashion, but as a symbol of my life experiences creating a man who thinks of others before his self, and the ability to recognize those who need immediate empathy, to those who simply want to be recognized sympathetically. And yes, you may choose to disagree, and I will respect that, as long as I know that you do so, not because of your own situation, but every situation you've ever encountered tells you that I am wrong.