As a teenager in the 80's, it seemed as though every summer there were thousands of teen movies. In reality, there were John Hughes films and everything else. Hughes' films not only captured the essence of being a teenager, but made us able to identify with characters and showed us that everyone is special in their own way. The one thing Hughes' films didn't have was eye candy for horny teenage boys.
For boys growing up in the 80's there were tons of young girls for us to fall in love with. There was Joyce Hyser in Just One Of The Guys, who is an aspiring journalist who dresses and pretends to be a guy to write a story. The entire movie leads up to her unveiling her voluptous breasts to show the guy she has a crush on she's all woman. Hooray for Boobies! Before that, we had Risky Business, and despite some girls liking Tom Cruise in his tighty-whiteys, the movie is all about Rebecca Demornay. She made prostitution cool. Seriously!
The 80's had movies that seemed to only be there to confuse us. Back to the Future? Some guys had the hots for Lea Thompson, but I could never get over the fact that she was his mother. For some reason this movie has stood the test of time. I guess incest sells. There was also The Karate Kid. Everyone remembers, "get him a body bag!", but why wasn't Daniel-san trying to bang Elizabeth Sbue. She was freaking cute as can be, and obviously didn't care that he was a wimp. I would have been waxing that instead of Miyagi's car.
John Hughes teased us with Kelly LeBrock & Christy Brinkley, but they were older and we knew that was just a fantasy. His females were too reserved. Mia Sara in Ferris Bueller's Day Off was stunning and I went to school with her in Brooklyn, but she wasn't fantasy material. Molly Ringwald never did it for me. Until she did that nude scene in Malicious. Horrible movie, but damn girl, where you been hiding that body? In the late 80's Heather Graham arrived in License to Drive and every guy fell in love. A little spot will always be in my heart for her. Thank you Rollergirl.
In the 80's, I think everyone gave up, because in 1982 in one of the more memorable moments in teen cinema history, a young Phoebe Cates exited the pool and entered our dreams in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The best part about this scene is that the scene itself is the fantasy of Judge Reinhold's character. When this movie came out on VHS, I can bet you every copy got a little fuzzy from all the rewinding and replaying. There is no female that comes close in the 80's to Cates' status. You almost feel for Jennifer Jason Leigh. Her nude scene is totally overlooked.
And that leads us to the men. In the 80's, the men all had to have some faults, then show their caring side. No girl really flipped head over heels for Matthew Broderick, Tom Cruise (Top Gun is not a teen movie) or the Sheen brothers. The two Coreys were cute, but nothing you'd wanna spend your life with. Girls liked the jocks in movies, but knew they cared more about the big game. Andrew McCarthy, Matthew J Fox, and Ralph Macchio were a little too effeminite to get their juices flowing. Nope, in the 80's there was only one. JAKE RYAN! There are women now, in their late 30's, who would cheat on their husbands & sell their kids for the opportunity to sit on a dining room table and have Jake Ryan wish them happy birthday. Hell, I might be so inclined myself. Here's the thing. Ask anyone what that guys name is, and nobody with the exception of my friend Amy would know. It's Michael Schoeffling in case you wondered. I wonder if this guy wakes up every morning and curses his agent. How is this guy not the biggest name in Hollywood? When is Quentin Tarentino going to resurrect this guy's career. After 16 Candles he was in Vision Quest as the mohawk sporting Kuch, but after that, nothing really. IMDB states he sells hand-crafted furniture in a Pennsylvania suburb. Jake Ryan was everything a girl could want. Sweet, sincere, articulate, into the finer things, not just appearances. He was rich and he was freaking hot! I mean, as a heterosexual male I can tell you that given the opportunity, I might lean over the birthday cake for a smooch. Next time you watch 16 Candles with a female and he is on the screen. Peek over and see how antsy your lady friend gets. Jake Ryan is like cat nip. As a matter of fact, if you are on a date and you are back at your place and things aren't going well. Pop in 16 Candles. I guarantee that while your date now thinks you are not nearly as good looking as two hours ago, she will be so hot and bothered it won't matter. Jake Ryan is that powerful!
When Jake Ryan asks you to make a wish, just being in his presence makes it come true.
I Love You, Jake Ryan!
For boys growing up in the 80's there were tons of young girls for us to fall in love with. There was Joyce Hyser in Just One Of The Guys, who is an aspiring journalist who dresses and pretends to be a guy to write a story. The entire movie leads up to her unveiling her voluptous breasts to show the guy she has a crush on she's all woman. Hooray for Boobies! Before that, we had Risky Business, and despite some girls liking Tom Cruise in his tighty-whiteys, the movie is all about Rebecca Demornay. She made prostitution cool. Seriously!
The 80's had movies that seemed to only be there to confuse us. Back to the Future? Some guys had the hots for Lea Thompson, but I could never get over the fact that she was his mother. For some reason this movie has stood the test of time. I guess incest sells. There was also The Karate Kid. Everyone remembers, "get him a body bag!", but why wasn't Daniel-san trying to bang Elizabeth Sbue. She was freaking cute as can be, and obviously didn't care that he was a wimp. I would have been waxing that instead of Miyagi's car.
John Hughes teased us with Kelly LeBrock & Christy Brinkley, but they were older and we knew that was just a fantasy. His females were too reserved. Mia Sara in Ferris Bueller's Day Off was stunning and I went to school with her in Brooklyn, but she wasn't fantasy material. Molly Ringwald never did it for me. Until she did that nude scene in Malicious. Horrible movie, but damn girl, where you been hiding that body? In the late 80's Heather Graham arrived in License to Drive and every guy fell in love. A little spot will always be in my heart for her. Thank you Rollergirl.
In the 80's, I think everyone gave up, because in 1982 in one of the more memorable moments in teen cinema history, a young Phoebe Cates exited the pool and entered our dreams in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The best part about this scene is that the scene itself is the fantasy of Judge Reinhold's character. When this movie came out on VHS, I can bet you every copy got a little fuzzy from all the rewinding and replaying. There is no female that comes close in the 80's to Cates' status. You almost feel for Jennifer Jason Leigh. Her nude scene is totally overlooked.
And that leads us to the men. In the 80's, the men all had to have some faults, then show their caring side. No girl really flipped head over heels for Matthew Broderick, Tom Cruise (Top Gun is not a teen movie) or the Sheen brothers. The two Coreys were cute, but nothing you'd wanna spend your life with. Girls liked the jocks in movies, but knew they cared more about the big game. Andrew McCarthy, Matthew J Fox, and Ralph Macchio were a little too effeminite to get their juices flowing. Nope, in the 80's there was only one. JAKE RYAN! There are women now, in their late 30's, who would cheat on their husbands & sell their kids for the opportunity to sit on a dining room table and have Jake Ryan wish them happy birthday. Hell, I might be so inclined myself. Here's the thing. Ask anyone what that guys name is, and nobody with the exception of my friend Amy would know. It's Michael Schoeffling in case you wondered. I wonder if this guy wakes up every morning and curses his agent. How is this guy not the biggest name in Hollywood? When is Quentin Tarentino going to resurrect this guy's career. After 16 Candles he was in Vision Quest as the mohawk sporting Kuch, but after that, nothing really. IMDB states he sells hand-crafted furniture in a Pennsylvania suburb. Jake Ryan was everything a girl could want. Sweet, sincere, articulate, into the finer things, not just appearances. He was rich and he was freaking hot! I mean, as a heterosexual male I can tell you that given the opportunity, I might lean over the birthday cake for a smooch. Next time you watch 16 Candles with a female and he is on the screen. Peek over and see how antsy your lady friend gets. Jake Ryan is like cat nip. As a matter of fact, if you are on a date and you are back at your place and things aren't going well. Pop in 16 Candles. I guarantee that while your date now thinks you are not nearly as good looking as two hours ago, she will be so hot and bothered it won't matter. Jake Ryan is that powerful!
When Jake Ryan asks you to make a wish, just being in his presence makes it come true.
I Love You, Jake Ryan!
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