We all want the American Dream. A house/apartment we can't afford. A husband/wife we'll soon divorce or be hounded by for years to come. A child who we'll go into hock for, who will loves us until their teenage years. They will hate us through college, all the while we pay for vehicles, tuition, books, and bail (OK a select few of us). Then they will love us again, just before they ask us to help pay for that extra special wedding and to take care of our children. How can we get to this wonderful point in our lives? The economy is a mess and no end is in site, yet so many of us spend spend spend on silliness. Well we all love lists. Especially us Facebook fanatics. So here is my little helpful list to help you reach the American Dream...or at least afford alimony and child support while living in your one bedroom apartment spraying cheese-wiz into your mouth while you cry yourself to sleep wishing you spent the $9 for condoms.
1. Coffee - A can or bag of coffee makes about 160 oz coffee and costs anywhere from $3 for supermarket coffee to $16 for the really really good stuff. A can a week costs me $3. I drink Bustelo which is absolutely delicious. If I bought that amount of coffee it would cost me $15 a week. There I just saved you $12 a week or $624/year.
2. Bottled Water. On average this is more expensive per gallon than gasoline. If you are like me and live in NY you are drinking the best water in the US. If you live in Yonkers, the best in the NY State. So buy a filter if you're a hypochondriac and save some money. If you buy two bottles a week, you save $3. That's $150 a year. We're up to $774 a year.
3. Takeout - I know you worked very hard and you are too tired to cook. So you order the pizza for the family. Wow that was easy, so you start doing Pizza Monday, Chinese Wednesday, and Pasta Friday. Ok, now it's three times a week and you're spending an average of $10/person on dinner and don't forget to tip the delivery guy. Say you're cheap and only give $2...that's still $6 a week. So forget the actual meal, hey you gotta eat, just the tip is $300 a year. So I saved you $1074 so far.
Editors note: If you are going to order out, may I suggest Chubby's Express on Fisher Ave in Eastchester. Awesome food, nice specials, and quick delivery - I think I live 100 yards away.
4. Eating and especially Drinking - Listen this my problem. Wow that didn't sound right. But I probably spend about $200=$250 on going out to eat or drink a week. Sadly about $80 of that is tips. all you homeowners, why did you buy a house if you don't entertain. Stop going out and have friends over. One week at your house and one week at theirs ( if yuo have more than one set of friends, you're already ahead of the game). Split the bill and BYOB if you want. This way the entire "night out" costs you about $50 a couple instead of $100 or more...and no tipping. Have kids? Bring them and let the older ones watch the little ones. If they aren't too old they actually like the responsibility. You do this every other week and you're saving at least $100 a month or $1200/year. OK now we're up to $2274.
5. Cable - I dropped my cable movie channels and have Netflix. Honestly, if you have kids, how many movies are you watching a month? 4-5? I live alone and I watch about 15-20. I save $25 a month only having basic cable. That's $300 a year. Up to $2574 a year.
6. Credit card fees - even with all the technology we have, some of us still miss bill payments. Late fees, finance charges, and yearly fees if you have bad credit can be brutal. If you can do without credit cards, do it, but if you can't, pay off as much as possible. This varies per person so add you're own amount at the end.
7. ATM's that aren't your bank. I once got made fun of for driving a mile out of my way to go to may bank. My friend said it's $2. I asked him how may times he hits the ATM per week and he said "maybe twice." OK that's $200 a year. It's up to $2774.
8. Postage - if you mail bills in instead of paying them online, you're stupid. That's 42 cents a bill. I pay all my bills online. If you pay one bill a month via mail when you can pay online you cost yourself $5 a year. Multiply that by number of bills that you can pay online. Mine would be about $35 a year. Having a birthday party. Evite people. It's new, it's fresh, and it saves you from buying those dopey cards with matching envelopes and the stamp. OK so we're about $2800.
Now my last two are for parents and these are going to be dicey ones for some. I accept your insults openly
9. DVD's - why the heck does your kid need every animated film ever made? Why, because parents have gotten lazy. Think back to when you were a kid...your parents would be mad if you had a babysitter and all you did was watch TV. They know they can sit their little monsters in front of the TV and get a few minutes to themselves. Here's the problem. Kids get addicted to this crap. I know forty kids who are now kindergarten age who can sing every word to every Disney movie ever made, but they can't spell their name, tie their shoes, or know their own birthday. At 6, I could Fin read and write. You know why, because instead of watching Dumbo, my parents sat me down and made games out of learning. So what's a Pixar Disney CGI movie these days? $15. Every house I go to has tons of them. So let's say you get some as gifts, you're still spending a good $150 a year on these digital babysitters. I just saved you $2950.
10. OK. The last one wasn't the dicey one. Listen I teach after school sports and make nice money. Parents pay about $180 for $12 weeks and that's cheap. I hear parents complain about their kid's ballet and swimming, etc. How it costs them $250 a month just for their kids activities. Hey Mom, Hey Dad, did you have that when you were a kid? I didn't. I wanted to swim, mom took me to a public pool or the beach (yes I had lessons when I was older). We didn't swim in the winter. I wanted to play sports, my dad took me out to shoot hoops or shag flies...by the way Dad, this isn't work, it's being a father. Oh, but my son or daughter will miss out on the social aspect of it. My father used to take me and all my friends to the park, and usually another dad or two would join in. The cost? Nothing! I recognize that this is harder for daughters. Dad can hit a ball if he has some hand eye, but mom might not be as limber or fit into her tutu anymore to give ballet lessons. You wanna know what, my mother taught me and all my Brooklyn friends the basics of ballet because she said it taught great balance. There was me, and four city kids (we looked like the '83 Celtics - I was Larry Bird) doing ballet. Seriously I know there are times when it's better to have a trained professional teaching, but if you take 60 minutes a day after work or on the weekend and do it yourself, you'll save about $1000 a year and your kids will truly appreciate it.
So there, I saved childless people $3000 a year and parents $4000 a year. Yes I know some of you will curse me and tell me I don't know what it is like, but ask your parents what is was like when they were in the same situation...we didn't have freaking VHS yet! Oh yeah and if you smoke a pack a day, the cost of cigarettes is going up to about $8.50 That's another $3000 a year!
Glad I could be of help. Now I have to run to the deli and get some lunch!
1. Coffee - A can or bag of coffee makes about 160 oz coffee and costs anywhere from $3 for supermarket coffee to $16 for the really really good stuff. A can a week costs me $3. I drink Bustelo which is absolutely delicious. If I bought that amount of coffee it would cost me $15 a week. There I just saved you $12 a week or $624/year.
2. Bottled Water. On average this is more expensive per gallon than gasoline. If you are like me and live in NY you are drinking the best water in the US. If you live in Yonkers, the best in the NY State. So buy a filter if you're a hypochondriac and save some money. If you buy two bottles a week, you save $3. That's $150 a year. We're up to $774 a year.
3. Takeout - I know you worked very hard and you are too tired to cook. So you order the pizza for the family. Wow that was easy, so you start doing Pizza Monday, Chinese Wednesday, and Pasta Friday. Ok, now it's three times a week and you're spending an average of $10/person on dinner and don't forget to tip the delivery guy. Say you're cheap and only give $2...that's still $6 a week. So forget the actual meal, hey you gotta eat, just the tip is $300 a year. So I saved you $1074 so far.
Editors note: If you are going to order out, may I suggest Chubby's Express on Fisher Ave in Eastchester. Awesome food, nice specials, and quick delivery - I think I live 100 yards away.
4. Eating and especially Drinking - Listen this my problem. Wow that didn't sound right. But I probably spend about $200=$250 on going out to eat or drink a week. Sadly about $80 of that is tips. all you homeowners, why did you buy a house if you don't entertain. Stop going out and have friends over. One week at your house and one week at theirs ( if yuo have more than one set of friends, you're already ahead of the game). Split the bill and BYOB if you want. This way the entire "night out" costs you about $50 a couple instead of $100 or more...and no tipping. Have kids? Bring them and let the older ones watch the little ones. If they aren't too old they actually like the responsibility. You do this every other week and you're saving at least $100 a month or $1200/year. OK now we're up to $2274.
5. Cable - I dropped my cable movie channels and have Netflix. Honestly, if you have kids, how many movies are you watching a month? 4-5? I live alone and I watch about 15-20. I save $25 a month only having basic cable. That's $300 a year. Up to $2574 a year.
6. Credit card fees - even with all the technology we have, some of us still miss bill payments. Late fees, finance charges, and yearly fees if you have bad credit can be brutal. If you can do without credit cards, do it, but if you can't, pay off as much as possible. This varies per person so add you're own amount at the end.
7. ATM's that aren't your bank. I once got made fun of for driving a mile out of my way to go to may bank. My friend said it's $2. I asked him how may times he hits the ATM per week and he said "maybe twice." OK that's $200 a year. It's up to $2774.
8. Postage - if you mail bills in instead of paying them online, you're stupid. That's 42 cents a bill. I pay all my bills online. If you pay one bill a month via mail when you can pay online you cost yourself $5 a year. Multiply that by number of bills that you can pay online. Mine would be about $35 a year. Having a birthday party. Evite people. It's new, it's fresh, and it saves you from buying those dopey cards with matching envelopes and the stamp. OK so we're about $2800.
Now my last two are for parents and these are going to be dicey ones for some. I accept your insults openly
9. DVD's - why the heck does your kid need every animated film ever made? Why, because parents have gotten lazy. Think back to when you were a kid...your parents would be mad if you had a babysitter and all you did was watch TV. They know they can sit their little monsters in front of the TV and get a few minutes to themselves. Here's the problem. Kids get addicted to this crap. I know forty kids who are now kindergarten age who can sing every word to every Disney movie ever made, but they can't spell their name, tie their shoes, or know their own birthday. At 6, I could Fin read and write. You know why, because instead of watching Dumbo, my parents sat me down and made games out of learning. So what's a Pixar Disney CGI movie these days? $15. Every house I go to has tons of them. So let's say you get some as gifts, you're still spending a good $150 a year on these digital babysitters. I just saved you $2950.
10. OK. The last one wasn't the dicey one. Listen I teach after school sports and make nice money. Parents pay about $180 for $12 weeks and that's cheap. I hear parents complain about their kid's ballet and swimming, etc. How it costs them $250 a month just for their kids activities. Hey Mom, Hey Dad, did you have that when you were a kid? I didn't. I wanted to swim, mom took me to a public pool or the beach (yes I had lessons when I was older). We didn't swim in the winter. I wanted to play sports, my dad took me out to shoot hoops or shag flies...by the way Dad, this isn't work, it's being a father. Oh, but my son or daughter will miss out on the social aspect of it. My father used to take me and all my friends to the park, and usually another dad or two would join in. The cost? Nothing! I recognize that this is harder for daughters. Dad can hit a ball if he has some hand eye, but mom might not be as limber or fit into her tutu anymore to give ballet lessons. You wanna know what, my mother taught me and all my Brooklyn friends the basics of ballet because she said it taught great balance. There was me, and four city kids (we looked like the '83 Celtics - I was Larry Bird) doing ballet. Seriously I know there are times when it's better to have a trained professional teaching, but if you take 60 minutes a day after work or on the weekend and do it yourself, you'll save about $1000 a year and your kids will truly appreciate it.
So there, I saved childless people $3000 a year and parents $4000 a year. Yes I know some of you will curse me and tell me I don't know what it is like, but ask your parents what is was like when they were in the same situation...we didn't have freaking VHS yet! Oh yeah and if you smoke a pack a day, the cost of cigarettes is going up to about $8.50 That's another $3000 a year!
Glad I could be of help. Now I have to run to the deli and get some lunch!
Wise beyond your years Jon and brave too!
ReplyDeleteBut maybe you didn't go far enough?
How about all the tech gadgets? Do you need the latest iPhone or PSP ? What about your phone/cable/internet bill? Would you be a good fit for one of the many triple play offers.
Gym membership? Do you go? Couldn't you do it at home? Good post!
Joe O'C
Sadly living in Manhattan as a single person it is cheaper to get takeout than buy groceries to make a meal. I have repeatedly tried to tell myself groceries are cheaper and then even w/ buying generic brands, the stuff on sale, etc etc it always ends up cheaper to order take out. sigh. price you pay living in manhattan. when did a loaf of bread start costing over $4!!
ReplyDelete