Universal health care, Korea's nuclear weapons, Obama's attempts to right a sinking economy, a cure for cancer and many other diseases. These are all very important topics on every one's minds right now, so when I signed on to Yahoo this morning and checked out their "popular searches" section it made complete sense to see the top search was "Angela Lansbury." Angela Lansbury? WTF? Actually the letters WTF make more sense as a popular search than Angela Lansbury. While middle America is trying to figure out what happened to Jessica Fletcher, Kim Jong-il will be working on a little project called Mass Murder, He wrote. By the way, if you google him, and you start with Kim, he is not the first Kim to come up. That of course, is Kim Kardashian, who if it weren't for the fact she is dumb as rocks, has a sex tape and a ridiculous reality series would probably be my dream girl. If I was in the sex tape, well I'd get past the other two items.
So white trash, you've read up on Landsbury and you're still bored, so #2 is Hanson. Now listen, anyone that knows me knows I have a little crush on the cute Oklahoma trio and I play MMMBop almost nightly at Piper's Kilt, much to the chagrin of the customers and wait staff. That being said, listen to them live and they actually have a little talent. The teen group segways into search #3, School Lunches. Now obviously this is a serious topic, because lack of food, leads to hunger, which leads to distraction, which leads to lack of education, which leads to a life less worthy. So of course, there is a movement depicting a picture of a little black girl saying "Obama's kids" have this and that, why can't I. But it's pushing a message for a vegan alternative. Hey I'm no nutritionist, but being a vegan at age eight can not be healthy, unless of course you're drinking protein shakes for breakfast. It just doesn't make sense.
Michelle Wie takes the #4 spot. I still would like this lanky Hawaiian phenom to actually win something to warrant all this hype. That being said, despite being quite intimidated by taller women, I wouldn't mind being in close proximity to her legs. I'll leave it at that.
The Little League World Series takes the #5 spot in the search and I can't argue. It's one of the greatest events in sports. Of course, as the majors have the steroids scandal, the LLWS has always had problems keeping tabs on kids ages. The feel good story of the year a few years back was the rag-tag team from the Bronx led by Danny Almonte who came in third, only to have it revealed that Almonte was two years too old. Then it was found out that his parents, living here on visas didn't enroll him in school. He's now playing at a junior college in Oklahoma and doing quite well. I'm sure he's a fan of Hanson.
Miss Universe takes the sixth spot. I don't really know what to say about this, but I think it's a little pretentious to call anyone Miss Universe. One day, I'd love to see the party crashed by an alien who looks like Megan Fox, but has the intellect of Doris Kearns Goodwin. You know, they say that intelligent women enjoy sex more than dumb women. I'll get back to you when my testing is done. Of course when you've gotten through reading about goddesses from different countries, your next topic is of course, Brian Boitano. Are you serious? If it weren't for a silly South Park song who the hell would even know if this guy was alive? Listen, I can appreciate figure skating, because while a decent skater as a youngster, I had trouble stopping. This led to many a bruised knee. Something I'm sure would have affected Boitano more than I.
Martha's Vineyard takes the 8th spot, due to Obama's scheduled getaway. I find it funny that so many statistics are being thrown around about the cost and the length of time. We just got through with a president who averaged a staggering amount of vacation time (1/3 of his two terms was spent at either Camp David, his home in Texas, or his parents summer home in Kennebunkport - look it up). Unlike Bush, Obama has been known to actually "work" while on vacation. So enjoy the Vineyard Mr. President, but when you get back, I need to see a doctor, can we work something out?
The final two of course are important topics that touch everyone and are a matter of national security. Michael Vick and the Wyndham Championship (golf). OK Michael Vick fought dogs, killed a few and went to prison for two years. Case closed? If this was you or I, we would have been told we were terrible, made to do 100 hours of community service cleaning up in a Kennel and then given a $75 fine. This guy went to jail for two years. Was he wrong, yes! Did the punishment fir the crime? Absolutely not. Sorry, Fido, you're just not as important to me as the local bum who got run over by Donte Stallworth. Stallworth was drunk and high and got 30 days in jail, which he only did 25 of, because in Florida, that's the law. HE also lost a year of football. He'll get over it. The golf tournament comes a week after an Asian player beat Tiger Woods in the last major of the year. Tiger Woods is so powerful this almost didn't make the papers. How is this possible? Maybe it's because the world was too busy wondering if Angela Lansbury was still alive. I'm still not sure, I haven't seen her in anything since she made a guest appearance on Magnum P.I. Which reminds me, I have to go to Yahoo search and find out what the hell ever happened to Rick and T.C.
So white trash, you've read up on Landsbury and you're still bored, so #2 is Hanson. Now listen, anyone that knows me knows I have a little crush on the cute Oklahoma trio and I play MMMBop almost nightly at Piper's Kilt, much to the chagrin of the customers and wait staff. That being said, listen to them live and they actually have a little talent. The teen group segways into search #3, School Lunches. Now obviously this is a serious topic, because lack of food, leads to hunger, which leads to distraction, which leads to lack of education, which leads to a life less worthy. So of course, there is a movement depicting a picture of a little black girl saying "Obama's kids" have this and that, why can't I. But it's pushing a message for a vegan alternative. Hey I'm no nutritionist, but being a vegan at age eight can not be healthy, unless of course you're drinking protein shakes for breakfast. It just doesn't make sense.
Michelle Wie takes the #4 spot. I still would like this lanky Hawaiian phenom to actually win something to warrant all this hype. That being said, despite being quite intimidated by taller women, I wouldn't mind being in close proximity to her legs. I'll leave it at that.
The Little League World Series takes the #5 spot in the search and I can't argue. It's one of the greatest events in sports. Of course, as the majors have the steroids scandal, the LLWS has always had problems keeping tabs on kids ages. The feel good story of the year a few years back was the rag-tag team from the Bronx led by Danny Almonte who came in third, only to have it revealed that Almonte was two years too old. Then it was found out that his parents, living here on visas didn't enroll him in school. He's now playing at a junior college in Oklahoma and doing quite well. I'm sure he's a fan of Hanson.
Miss Universe takes the sixth spot. I don't really know what to say about this, but I think it's a little pretentious to call anyone Miss Universe. One day, I'd love to see the party crashed by an alien who looks like Megan Fox, but has the intellect of Doris Kearns Goodwin. You know, they say that intelligent women enjoy sex more than dumb women. I'll get back to you when my testing is done. Of course when you've gotten through reading about goddesses from different countries, your next topic is of course, Brian Boitano. Are you serious? If it weren't for a silly South Park song who the hell would even know if this guy was alive? Listen, I can appreciate figure skating, because while a decent skater as a youngster, I had trouble stopping. This led to many a bruised knee. Something I'm sure would have affected Boitano more than I.
Martha's Vineyard takes the 8th spot, due to Obama's scheduled getaway. I find it funny that so many statistics are being thrown around about the cost and the length of time. We just got through with a president who averaged a staggering amount of vacation time (1/3 of his two terms was spent at either Camp David, his home in Texas, or his parents summer home in Kennebunkport - look it up). Unlike Bush, Obama has been known to actually "work" while on vacation. So enjoy the Vineyard Mr. President, but when you get back, I need to see a doctor, can we work something out?
The final two of course are important topics that touch everyone and are a matter of national security. Michael Vick and the Wyndham Championship (golf). OK Michael Vick fought dogs, killed a few and went to prison for two years. Case closed? If this was you or I, we would have been told we were terrible, made to do 100 hours of community service cleaning up in a Kennel and then given a $75 fine. This guy went to jail for two years. Was he wrong, yes! Did the punishment fir the crime? Absolutely not. Sorry, Fido, you're just not as important to me as the local bum who got run over by Donte Stallworth. Stallworth was drunk and high and got 30 days in jail, which he only did 25 of, because in Florida, that's the law. HE also lost a year of football. He'll get over it. The golf tournament comes a week after an Asian player beat Tiger Woods in the last major of the year. Tiger Woods is so powerful this almost didn't make the papers. How is this possible? Maybe it's because the world was too busy wondering if Angela Lansbury was still alive. I'm still not sure, I haven't seen her in anything since she made a guest appearance on Magnum P.I. Which reminds me, I have to go to Yahoo search and find out what the hell ever happened to Rick and T.C.
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