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Parenting - Observations Through Kids

I recently mentioned how despite kids inquisitive minds, they don't harp on the aesthetics of the human form when in a negative way.  Their minds work completely devoid of things like shame, worry and in many ways seriousness.  My rosacea went almost unnoticed because of my bald head and my red, dried and bulbous nose made one child refer to it as a "Pirate's Nose," which he followed with a hearty "arrrrrr."  It takes the pain of being an adult away most times and for that I am grateful.

I've always been fascinated by one aspect of human behavior when it comes to parenting.  Why do some parents have no memory of how their parents actions, if performed similarly, would have affected them.  The other day, I had a child who was in my Kindergarten Sports class.  He has missed the first week and was one of the few kids in the class who was not in the Spring session, so he truly was a "new" kid.  My class met in the auditorium and one child was missing.  I explained to the chaperons that it was the same child who missed last week. They quickly explained he was in the hall with his father, getting his sneakers on.  He somehow managed to never make it into the auditorium and spend the 10 minute waiting period with the other kids.  I knew this was going to be an issue.  Then one of the chaperons came over and told me something that I feel is the biggest taboo there is; he wanted to sit in on the class.

Now, I have no problem with parents coming early to pick up and watching their kids play.  To be honest, I've had parents sit by the doors, peering in through the windows, just to see their kid having fun.  That is fine and wonderful. Unlike many people who do what I do, I am beyond confident, not only in my abilities with the kids, but my abilities with the parents.  The father approached me, hesitantly asking if it was OK. He had his younger son with him and I explained it was fine.  He assured me this was a one time deal.  I walked with his son to the gym and briefly explained what we do.  The kids, of course knew they had a little more of an audience and their behavior quickly went downhill.  Once we started playing, I quickly realized that this child was fine.  A few times during the class other kids walked over to say something to the dad and to talk to the little brother.  The father giggled a few times and as the class wrapped up, the child walked over to me, apologized and asked me what my names was (again). I quickly told him, I forgot to tell him and it was my fault and told him to call me Jon.  The father asked that he go through the dismissal  process like the other kids and walked down the hall.  The kids all proceeded back to the auditorium and prepared to meet their parents. Ironically, the father who stayed was not the first to sign out.  He let a few mothers who seemed to be in a rush to go first and then approached.  He shook his head and thanked me.  He then turned and said, "I'm not sure how you do what you do, but that was amazing.  That age, that many kids and they adore you, even when you're telling them to stop doing something.  I'm exhausted just from sitting and watching."  I thanked him for the kind words and walked back to the rest of my kids.

Nice guy.  Seems like a good father.  Caring, obviously.  Those are all wonderful qualities, but this current trend of not letting kids experience things on their own has always troubled me.  Kids can be cruel.  Sometimes even the little ones.  If this had been my first grade class, there is no doubt the other kids would have teased him.  That one moment could have ruined the entire experience for him.  I know, because I've had it happen and the kid didn't return for two years.  When he returned, he was the only kid who hadn't been in the class for two years in a row.  It wasn't the same for him.  He dropped out soon after.  Now there may be underlying reasons for why parents feel the need to sit in, but the reality is, most times it's not the kid, but the parents.  This short leash is a bit of an irony, because these are almost always the parents who do not play ball with their kids or do athletic activities.  So who are they watching?  Who are they judging? In this particular school, they can ask anyone about my reputation, so it can't be that.  I've been there three times as long as this particular class has been alive.

It brings me back to a story from many years ago that I just told to someone.  I had a class of about sixteen 2nd grade boys. One of the kids, was a star athlete for his age, but he was the younger of two boys (the brother wasn't as athletic but was a pretty tough kid).  He was a delight to work with, but he was a Mommy's boy.  His mother, a very attractive and charming woman, was always about 15-20 minutes early, as most parents were when I started and would sit and watch.  One day, while playing kickball or baseball, he slid into home to beat a throw and slid right into the catcher's knee.  His head snapped back and hit the floor.  Immediately, his mother started to run towards him.  I quickly yelled out, "Mrs. N, please don't" and slowly walked towards her son.  She had this look of shock that I would do this, but then looked at her son, sobbing and sat down.  The kid, seeing his mother's retreat, quickly sprung to his feet, looked my way, wiped his eyes and exclaimed "I'm fine, was I safe or out?"  I had a little chuckle and said told him he was out.  He then went on a mini rant saying he beat the throw and I once again laughed and said, "yes, you did, but you never touched home plate, because your head went into the catcher's knee."  He laughed and went back to his team.  A few minutes later, I walked over, felt the kid's head and asked how he felt.  He told me he was fine and the mother came over, put her hand on my back and whispered, "he's not here, but you are officially my husband's favorite person on the planet.  Thank you for what you did.  Not for my son, but for me.  I need to stop babying him."

Now, this isn't a story of how wonderful I am.  This easily could have gone the other way, with the mother becoming angry and costing me my job.  Honestly, I know people who have been bumped from schools for less.  I just felt I knew the kid and the family well enough to react the way I did and I knew the mother was treating her youngest much differently than her oldest.  I think parents really need to take a second before they do things that could have adverse effects on their kids.  They need to think if they were treated that way as a child and if so, how did they feel?  I've had tons of stories similar to this over the years, but I think it's because I know who I can do it with.  I will never ever pretend that I know everything there is to know about working with kids, because it's an always evolving process, based on so many factors.  One thing that 20+ years of working with them has made me an expert on, is dealing with parents.

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