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When Pain Becomes Agony

Since I was young, I've had what could be considered a high pain threshold.  In my younger years, I broke fingers and toes with such frequency that I soon went without doctor's visits and silly splints.  By the age of about 30, I had broken each finger twice and each toe at least once.  I remember one day in sixth or seventh grade, I was walking with my school backpack strap on my hand and someone bumped into me. I hit the wall going around the corner and felt a little pinch.  I looked down to see my finger pointed in the other direction.  I slowly grasped the finger, yanked it and Voila! Healed!  That was always the way. I boxed in my friend's house and we beat the shit out of each other and we even played tackle football in the snow on a concrete basketball court a few times, sans equipment.  I've been hit by a car while riding my bike, hit with a baseball in the head and got a black eye or two from guys who weren't thrilled by my actions.  Never once did I feel pain.

Sometime around '98 or '99, while playing basketball at Manhattan College, there was a loud bang.  A few people standing near me, literally hit the floor.  I didn't.  I probably should have.  I continued playing and my knee soon looked like someone had replaced my kneecap with a large water balloon.  I won't get into the bullshit that the school pulled, but let's just say, it was serious.  I played and worked through the pain and despite it hampering my abilities to move properly, I managed to still maintain a pretty decent level of play and mobility.  Then I tore my other knee.  Compensation was to blame.  That summer, I did a lot of walking and the pain became severe.  I could no longer really play sports for with any prowess or stamina and my weight rose.  I did manage to muster a few more years of softball and some light basketball, but my days of actually running were done.  I needed surgery.  That was over ten years ago.

The last few months I've been experiencing something I'm not used to.  You'd never know it to look at me on most days, but on most occasions, if you see me walking, I'm holding back tears.  My knees are so destroyed that it's affecting other areas.  My hip, which started bothering me after a five hour bus ride a few month's back, has now exceeded the pain in my knees. The past few weeks, there have been times, the pain is so bad, I can't move.  I fight it and usually can manage, but there are instances of agony I'm just not accustomed to.

In 1996, I was carrying shingles and slate and 150 lb rolls of roofing materials up 44 foot ladders all day.  I took a weight training class and could max out the squat machine with ease.  Even after I tore my first ACL, I could max leg press the school gym's machine with one leg, the bad one.  Today, I had a hard time managing four stairs with a 40 lb bag of laundry.  Two weeks ago, I slept wrong and the pain was so bad, I almost had to crawl to use the bathroom.  I don't know how much longer I can take this kind of pain, but it's affecting everything in my life.  It's affected my happiness, my ability to do jobs that require manual labor, at times it's somewhat embarrassing, because someone my age, should not be walking like a 90-year old and it's even affected more intimate aspects of my life.  It sucks. I've gone most of my life not knowing what real pain is, but now I know.  In the past ten years, I've experienced gall bladder attacks, diverticulitis and the chronic knee problems, but nothing has been like this hip issue or should I say, the combination of the hip and the knees.  I can only stand for about an hour at a time and my afternoon classes with the kids on some occasions leave me in so much pain, I have trouble getting in and out of my car.

When I can afford it and not to be political, but if ObamaCare is hat it promises to be, I'll be getting this checked sooner than later, but for any of you who deal with chronic pain, I may have thought in the past it was an exaggeration, but trust me now, when I tell you. I feel your pain!

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