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The Valentine's Day Menu - Turning Tapas into Tap-Ass

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

History has taught me three important things about this Hallmark Holiday. These things are crucial to having a successful and enjoyable day.  By following these three things, you should ensure some reciprocal love or at very least, if nature gets in the way, some serious I.O.U. action.

First off, flowers are nice, but trust me, unless you're having them delivered to her workplace, so that her incredibly jealous friends and coworkers can act like children who have just opened a pinata, they are not essential.  Flowers are nice, but they are a waste of money and they die quickly.  Unless it's about presentation, flowers on Valentine's Day are only for those of us who are less confident.  Get her flowers the following week or two later, when nobody is expecting and you've doubled your awesomeness.  Trust me on this one.  Instead, spend that money on tickets to something or casual dinner out this weekend.  Maybe Sunday night, when you're both tired and just want to eat and crash before the coming week.  Or take her to the movies Saturday afternoon.

Be thoughtful, but frugal with the gifts.  Especially if you've just spent a wad on Christmas or she has a birthday coming up.  If you set the bar too high, you're going to regret it later.  You can also add this newly found pocket change into a future gift.  Maybe a weekend away, for example.  If you're new to the game, this is essential, but if this is the first Valentine's Day and you happened to meet after Christmas, you might want to go balls out.  Especially if you haven't closed on the deal.  Ladies, I'm not being vulgar, but if you're that rare bread that has waited, you know this day is nothing more than a contract. Sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth.

Finally, the most important of all steps.  Stay out of restaurants unless they are the kind with a Maitre D and take reservations months in advance.  This is the most important step.  If you want to sit crammed together with other amateurs, eating a prix fix meal with a choice of two apps and three entrees, be my guest.  See how much she cares in an hour.  Here's my suggestion. If at all possible cook for her.  It's economical, it's more enjoyable and after dessert, you might just get your just desserts.  So you don't do a lot of cooking. This is not a worry.  Trust me.  This one will save you time and you'll be a rock star.

If she's a seafood lover, it's essential you start with oysters. Aside from being an aphrodisiac, they are delicious and the act of slurping them down together, will let both of you know, you're comfortable enough to  make odd noises together.  I can't stress the importance of this.  If she's not a fan of these mollusks, skip and go right to the rest of the menu and remember, this is a celebration of your feelings, so do it right You don't want to feel like Peter Griffin after a night with Quagmire and Joe at the Krazy Klam.  Keep it light, you've got business to attend to later if this works.

1st course:  Half a ripe avocado, filled with a dollop of sour cream and some salmon caviar.  This is luxurious and tasty, melding the buttery texture of the avocado,with the slight tartness of the cream and the saltiness of the caviar.  Open a bottle of prosecco for this and the next dish.

2nd course: Gazpacho shooters (try and find 3oz shot glasses) with a lone jumbo shrimp cocktail.  The wonderfully cold tomato based soup can be adjusted for spice levels and acts as a sauce for the ice cold shrimp.

3rd course:  Any flavor of sweet sorbet. Two tablespoons and whatever you've frozen is all you need.  Garnish with a mint or basil leaf.

OK, so you're down one bottle of prosecco, you've put together three or four impressive courses and you haven't actually had to cook anything yet.  All these items have been made slightly ahead of time and only need assembly.

Entree:  You have two choices here: Filet Mignon (depending on your girl's tastes) with a pesto, horseradish cream or gorgonzola sauce.  My choice would be the pesto.  It can be made in a coffee grinder for God's sake.  Serve with some blanched string beans covered with a garlic, butter and peppercorn sauce and roasted garlic potatoes.  If your girl is not a true carnivore or you want to go a little lighter, may I suggest a stuffed filet of sole with lump crab meat in a beurre blanc or light francese sauce with capers. Swap out the roasted potatoes for a light buttery mashed or whipped potatoes and the beans for some thin asparagus. Also, don't read too much into the garlic, the pesto, the asparagus, they are all aphrodisiacs as well.

If going with the Filet, choose a nice Cabernet Sauvignon  The wine pairs perfectly with the beef, but is also strong enough to stand up to the garlicky greatness of the pesto. Good, affordable Cabs are available everywhere, so you don't have to break the bank.  If going with the fish, I suggest, Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc. About $35 a bottle, but as you'll see, well worth it.

Dessert:  Don't rush into dessert.  Retire to the couch for a while.  Cuddle and plan to watch something such as Crazy, Stupid, Love or some other not too intense Rom-Com.  A bowl of some fresh berries topped with whipped cream, some chocolate covered strawberries and depending on what you're relationship is, you can go with another bottle of prosecco, a sweet German Reisling or go with the old stand by, champagne.

Sounds like a lot of work, but you're technically only cooking one meal and the sides don't take much effort at all. It will make you look like you spent hours in the kitchen, when in actuality, you could probably put this baby together in an hour and a half total.

Let me also end this Valentine's Day menu with two incredibly bold statements.  One, this is a slam dunk in the ending the night in the throws of passion menu and two, I'm single, so what the hell do I know?


Comments

  1. I think you know a heck of a lot! That sure is a slam dunk! Great menu and tips. No worries - you won't be single for much longer!

    ReplyDelete

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