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Free Writing: Christmas Eve Edition

Setting the timer to 8 minutes, in honor of Hannukah

Peaceful. Alone, Quiet. Some of these are well-received, while others remind me that not much has changed in my life. I have people in spirit, both literally and, if you believe in that sort of stuff, figuratively. I'll remember those who are no longer with us and reminisce about all the laughs. I'll think about my mother often and wish she were still here to share in this stressful but wonderful time of year. It's hard to believe that one-third of my Decembers have been spent without her. Even harder to know she'd only be 78 come January. I have all I need, thanks to the generosity of my brother. Sure I want other things and maybe need is a strong word, but his help financially has eased my life. His visit, with his wife and children, was the best part of my year. Nothing else came close to topping my happiness during those moments. I felt part of something even after they left, but realized I'm still an outsider, as I have always been in most places. The places I've felt at home have always been much less of a home than most desire. I desire nothing, which can be viewed as liberating or a defeatist attitude. I simply don't want for things and I want nothing less than to be a burden to others. I often feel that people's burdens are what most of us would consider a happy life. Burdens for them are nothing more than time they must spend on others, which, if we're being honest, is what my philosophy on life is all about. There's great irony in the fact I feel this way, especially this time of year, because I can offer nothing more than my time. A currency that is taken for granted by almost all of us. My time is up and I do not wish to end on a sour note, so for anyone who reads this, know that there's a good chance I'm thinking about you at some point during this holiday season, as I do spend much more time with my happy thoughts of friends and family than many can imagine. Most are wonderful memories and I hope we meet again to create many new ones.

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