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Kicking Feng Shui's Ass

A lot of people have theories on why relationships work.  Some trust the zodiac, some believe online dating questionnaires and some people believe in fate.  People also believe that how their furniture and tapestries are placed mean inner peace.  Some think money can't buy you love and some believe it can.  There are a lot of things that come into play, but I believe there is one thing that truly determines if a relationship has any chance at all.  Where one sleeps.

I remember listening to a friend of my parents speak one night.  He was a spiritual man.  By spiritual, I mean he smoked a lot of weed and most of his experiences were bi-products of a combination of the drugs and the fact he was looking for answers.  He spoke about relationships and he went around the table and asked the people (mostly couples, but some divorced) which side of the bed they slept on.  All the marriages going strong had the man sleeping on the left side when facing the bed, those who had suffered relationship loss were the opposite.  Now this was a very small group to prove his point, but it stayed with me.  Over the years, I used his statements with my experiences and my ability to notice others.

I took it a little further and started thinking about how people are so into furniture placement. I realized the side isn't as important, but placement.  What I've concluded is that relationships in which the man sleeps closest to the room's entry tend to work.  Obviously, I'm using heterosexual relationships only, because for the most part, that's the majority of relationships I know.  Now, while I'm not saying this guarantees a successful relationship, I think it's a precursor.  I actually know people who switched sides after a move and the relationship ended quickly. 

My theory is that when the female feels secure, even in her most vulnerable time, while sleeping, that she can feel confident enough to completely let go.  When the man feels like he is in control and the alpha, he is confident that she will not stray.  The whole idea behind my theory is that, on the off chance, there was ever an intruder, then the man would be the first line of defense.  In many ways we're know different than animals in the wild.  Survival of the fittest doesn't always mean the difference between life and death, but lasting love or heartbreak..  That's my feeling, but then again.  I'm a little full of shit.

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