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Random Thoughts


Random Thoughts

Every once in a while I like to make a list of inane thoughts that jump into my head.  Sometimes they are funny.  Sometimes they are serious.   Sometimes you can’t really put your finger on it.  It’s been a while since I’ve done this, so take a look at what has my attention.

Being completely broke is scary.  Especially when it’s Friday and you have to make a choice between Guinness and Electricity.  Guinness wins almost every time.

I spend more time together or on the phone with my ex-girlfriend than most people spend with their wives.  Similar to being  married, we don’t have sex.

In the past month, I’ve eaten approximately 35 tomatoes, five red onions, 8 avocados, three heads of lettuce, 24 English Muffins, five lbs. of cheese, three boxes of crackers, five containers of hummus, three containers of cottage cheese and four loaves of Bastone bread.  Sadly, that’s about it. 

Hard rain on a big tent is really cool.  Especially when it’s really quiet out.

I’m thinking of starting a fund raiser in the fight against hunger where I get donations for every day I don’t have a drink.   The only problem is if I do this, I might as well just give the money to the out of work bartenders I will be putting out of work.

Spanish soap operas and game shows have more sex than most pornos, but with better looking girls.

The other morning I was at the diner very early in the morning.  Sitting in the booth next to me was a little kid chatting away with his dad.  It made my day and made me sad at the same time.

It never fails.  The nights you didn’t plan on going out are almost always the best.

John Stamos is doing Greek yogurt commercials.

I hate sitcoms, but something tells me that I will love “New Girl.”  That being said, I guarantee the better it is, the sooner it is off the air.

Did anyone see the commercial for Shark Night?  How did this not go straight to video?

Colin Cowherd on ESPN radio might have had the line of the week when discussing why he couldn’t stay up for the end of the Red Sox/Yankees 4 hour and 15 minute Sunday night game.  “I’m not a vampire or a bartender.”

I recently saw a motivational book on tape.  I figured if I’m too lazy to read it, I’m not going to really get anything out of it.

Don’t watch cooking shows when you’re hungry, because there is no cold shower equivalent.

I am obsessed with numbers.  This week it’s 87.

I think I’m going to see if I can eat nothing but egg rolls for an entire week. 

First there was Craigslist, and then Angie’s list, but I’ve always preferred Franz Liszt.

Why does Family Guy need to have a disclaimer at 6pm at night, but any kid can flip through the channels and see the news on Saturday or Sunday mornings?

There is a show on right now where people sit around a table and sample wines.  While I love Stanley Tucci, this show sucks.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that I no longer own a baseball glove.  I find this so strange, because between the ages of 7-13, I probably wore a baseball glove more than I didn’t.

I just glanced over at my radiator and was struck by the items on top of it.  A book, a DVD, a coffee can, a bottle of Ginkgo Biloba and a tape measure.  The scariest thing is that isn’t the oddest collection of items grouped together.

 I find it fairly annoying I tried to go to sleep at 3am, I am still awake and I’m just starting to get tired now.  Shoot me!

The Dow just made “Keeping up with the Jones’” much easier.

Is there any other American who eats pizza less than I do?

When McDonald’s locations get old, they don’t call them Old McDonald’s.  I think it’s out of respect to the cows.

If God made us in his image, wouldn’t that make him a hermaphrodite?

Sometimes when I’m playing Words with Friends, I wonder if my opponents know I’m on the toilet.

OK, I’m going to have another cup of coffee and wax my eyebrows.  More later.

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