Skip to main content

Why Do We Do That? (AKA I Am An Oxymoron)

Isn’t it amazing how often we do something we know is wrong?  I don’t mean something awful, like tearing the label off a mattress, but the serious things.  We say something to someone we know we shouldn’t, tell a lie or cheat on a significant other.  We know these things are wrong yet we do them anyway.  There are always reasons for these major mishaps, such as envy, fear or maybe we’re just assholes.   It’s hard to tell why we’re wired so poorly, we just are.  Maybe God was working out the kinks when he created us.  I sure as hell know he messed up with a few of us.  Those are all serious things, but what about the subtle things we do that ruin our lives on a day to day basis.

Writing this blog may be one of them.  I’ve written a blog directly about a few people and they’ve usually liked it.  Ironically, on more than one occasion, people have thought I was talking about them, when in fact I was generalizing.  That being said, most of my blogs are about me.  I don’t do it because I think my life is more interesting or more important than others, but merely because it’s a topic I know a little about and I tend to look at things a little differently than the rest of you.  Getting back to the topic, I want to talk about myself and someone new who has entered my life.  I’ll leave the off the last S for savings and not to have her stab me in the eye with her heel.  Who knows, she may read this and she may become a person I used to know.

I’m a person who wears my heart on my sleeve.  Oddly enough I never wear long sleeves, so it’s odd I have such a big heart.  But I need a big heart to pump blood to my big ass.  Where was I?  I have a serious problem holding in emotions.  I know what I like immediately and I know what I don’t.  I like this woman (I thought of calling her a girl, but some of you might get the wrong idea, being I’m writing this in a children’s playground).  I love saying “I digress,” so I digress.  I like this woman and I believe she likes me.  We’ve spent little time together, but it was a nice time.  Dare I say special time?  We both are in very different points in our lives, but we’re also at the getting to know each other stage, so that’s OK.  Now here’s where the problem starts.  I got into this with eyes wide open and promised myself two things; to guard myself and not to say anything too soon that could be taken as, well a pathetic schoolboy crush.  As she said regarding my inability to come through with a promise of breakfast, “Epic Fail.”

It’s not my fault.  I’m genetically defective.  I’m also a bit of a helpless romantic.  I rarely talk to myself, because I think it is the first sign of going insane.  I think people get pets for the sole reason of being able to speak aloud, away from human contact and convince themselves they are having a conversation with another.  They are not only wrong, but actually crazier than others, because they are using another species to promote their insanity.  That being said, I love cats and dogs, and this woman’s cats told me they liked me, so I hope to see them soon, to finish our conversation.  Back to human interaction.  I promised myself after spending the day, that I would not text or call any more than to say good morning how was your day and good night.  Once again, Epic Fail!  I told myself as I was texting, not to text any adolescent flirtations.  As I typed, I told myself this was silly.  I told myself “you’re going to scare her away. “  I said to myself “you’re doing it again.”  I told myself to stop.  I hit send.  Here’s the best part.  I even sent a pre-text telling her I was stupid and about to be even more stupid.  Her reactions to most of my inane texts and lack of reaction to that one made me realize I’d made a mistake.  A mistake I made as I was making it.  I’m just that stupid.

So the night ended with me saying something a little silly.  Again!  Then I wrote another obnoxiously long text stating that I knew I was being stupid, but proceeded with more silly banter.  The problem is, I mean it.   I’m not good at lying.  I’m not good at hiding my feelings.  While we watched something this weekend, I told her point blank “if I was watching that home by myself, I’d be crying.”  She laughed and agreed.  I’m a sap.  I know I’m a sap and while I apologize for it constantly, I think it’s a redeeming quality.  Now, I don’t know where things will lead.  I don’t know if my texts yesterday were too annoying to deal with.  I’m not trying to be childish; I’m trying to be sincere. 

I’m sitting here writing a blog about the silly things I wrote before and how I shouldn’t have.  In my mind it makes complete sense.  I am an oxymoron.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo...

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her...

If You Listen To One Speech - Lana Wachowski

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/videos/lana-wachowski-opens-up-about-difficult-past-and-attempted-suicide-20121024 Today I saw a link to a video for a speech by Lana Wachowski.  The last name rung a bell, but I could't put my finger on it. Lana, used to be Larry, one of the writer, director, producers of the Matrix trilogy, V for Vendetta and the upcoming Cloud Atlas.  Lana is transgendered and has "come out" as a woman.  She was being honored by the Human Rights Campaign. I didn't know what to expect when this broad woman with crazy hair and a raspy voice began to speak.  She began with the usual pleasantries and told of her hair dresser. She then tells of her desire to be a quiet person and how hard the success of the Matrix movies made this.  The first ten minutes is telling of how she's not quite ready to be this spokesperson.  Then she speaks about the new movie Cloud Atlas and reveals the heart of the movie and this speech. She states,"The resp...