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Amateur Child Assessment

Working with kids for almost three decades has taught me that, in general, most people who work with children, are not very adept at picking up or handling behavioral problems. This is not to say they aren't capable people, even capable instructors, and teachers, simply that they lack the experience or knowledge of how to handle a variety of behaviors. They tend to believe, setting a standard is the way to deal with all children. Not only does this not work with children, but it's also a dangerous precedent to set in the adult world. I normally do some digging into these people's pasts (or presents) and usually find they need structure personally, whether it be for health, mental, or social reasons; often all three.

One of the other problems with group discussions about children is, many times, the person with the most to say is the least knowledgeable, is referencing childhood memories of their own, or is simply someone who feels the need to be heard. Ironic that when discussing children who are withdrawn, whether due to social anxiety, cognitive disabilities, or simply enjoy a more withdrawn existence, it's the people who have the least to add to their lives who have the most suggestions, despite never really attempting to understand the individual. They point to getting to know the parents, the teachers, the friends, somehow missing the most important part of the equation: Getting to know the child.

I am no expert in child psychology, but I do have a background in childhood development, thirty years experience working with kids, and personal relationships with children who range from low functioning with learning disabilities to over-achieving geniuses. Plus, I not only pay attention, I try to become invested in them. Many times, it's not so much knowing what's going on in a child's life, but knowing what they want to go on in their lives. Christmas, Hanukkah, and birthdays can tell you a lot about a child and their desires, needs, and feelings of acceptance. It can also tell you a lot about their home life, if you listen.

One of the great things, and occasionally bad things, about therapy, is that you get one person assessing you. Yes, their personal feelings come into play, but thankfully it's one person, and we'd like to believe this is an expert. When a group of people from all walks of life, especially in today's world, get together, they tend to compete for their opinions, not for the child's welfare. Some of their suggestions are so outrageous, you actually worry about them as coworkers, while some gravitate to what worked for them growing up. Never underestimate how important simply listening can be, but to add kindness, even love, can do wonders.

One of the things that working with kids has taught me is that you will love some of them and not in the generic way we tend to use the word these days. You grow a bond and the hardest part of working with them is knowing they will grow out of your class, your group, your program and move on. One can only hope they remember you because you know, you'll never forget them. For some, it's just a few and for some of us, it's dozens, maybe even hundreds. One thing I'll never remember, is how someone with no expereince, no expertise, and not vision evaluated them one Tuesday evening in December.

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