I was having a discussion with someone about respect. It began when I mentioned I worked with kids and the person said he gave me a lot of credit because "kids today are disrespectful." I explained I've encountered moments of disrespect, but in general, I feel they respect me. I went on to tell that I am very careful not to talk down to them and even more careful not to use my being an adult and my position to make them feel lesser. In showing them respect, I receive it.
It has dawned on me recently that many people think they deserve respect without it being a reciprocal relationship. They often believe their position, title, or situation gives them the leverage to demand it, without showing it. In some senses, this is classic bullying and when one looks at those who do this, they're usually lacking in self-esteem, intelligence, and quite often, any behavior that merits it. With the exception of human decency, they quite often deserve the opposite.
As the years of my life have passed, I've met tons of people who desire attention more than they want friendship, crave accolades more than acceptance, and demand respect without, not only showing it but showing any behaviors whatsoever to earn it. It's important to understand that respect, no matter the circumstances is earned.
So why is this important to me? I feel as though people take so much for granted in this world, that they never take even a moment to recognize why they have the things they have, why they're afforded luxuries others don't, and why things around them are maintained in a nice, sustainable, habitable way. This could be anywhere. Work, home, restaurants, stores, groceries, or anywhere where two people may cross paths with one benefitting from the other's behavior. Don't confuse this with kindness. If it is someone's job to be pleasant, that isn't necessarily the type of thing that deserves respect, but one might take time to recognize that the service with a smile is coming from someone who has been on their feet for eight hours and they may be at the point of sheer exhaustion. That effort, which likely goes unnoticed by most, deserves respect. This can go for families. Often we overlook the clean house and the hot meal because it's a constant. We forget the person who is doing these things has other commitments, yet still finds the time to maintain this life we benefit from. Sometimes we use love as an excuse to not respect. We assume that a person does something because it had to be done anyway but we so often forget that we could have done it too. I battle this at work every day, doing what needs to be done, with no thanks, no appreciation and quite honestly, I don't even think people know I do it. They just know it is done. The interesting thing is, they see me doing it. So I view that as a lack of respect. But did I earn it? I don't know. I do know, I respect the hard work of those I see doing what I would have had to do or what I can't. I don't simply appreciate their effort, I respect it, because I know how many, including myself benefit.
Throughout my blogs, especially as of late, I seem to have a consistent and constant idea that I come back to, and that is, intelligence, education, and common sense are key components to almost every positive and negative behaviors. Sure smart people can do bad things, but they know they are doing it. I sincerely believe that there's a certain level of intelligence, and it's not necessarily that low, that controls our ability to realize who we are and who we are not. I think those who have lower mental capabilities tend to have an inflated sense of self-worth, which may or may not be a defense mechanism. They often are the ones who demand respect without showing it. They want praise but never give it. They want friendship without working for it and are quick to let go of that friendship the instant they feel slighted. Ironically, they live their entire lives feeling slighted, because they simply don't understand how much others do for them. I have to believe, it's because they have either always had people make up for their shortcomings or more likely, they simply don't care, because they didn't have to be bothered. The insanity of it all, is they believe they've earned your respect, simply by you being there for them. Some I believe, even believe they do the things that have been done for them. This delusion is something I've been seeing more and more in people lately. With people honestly and sincerely believing they have completed tasks that others have done for them, with the sole reason being that the tasks are always completed and they've never been bothered to do it. Is this a mental illness, sheer stupidity, or are they actually horrible people who like to use others?
While this blog has shifted a bit, I want to come back to the most simple concept of respect and I wonder how many people could be honest enough with themselves to answer this question.
Why do I deserve respect from this person, in this situation?
If the answer isn't immediately mutual and reciprocal, then chances are, you're one of the three people I described before. If you're in a position of leverage and that person needs you for any given reason, what would be respected is your compassion, your empathy, your kindness, maybe even your love, but if that's not why you want it, then you simply may not be a very good person or not bright enough to understand your position in the relationship.
Who do you want to be respected by and why? Who do you respect and why?
More importantly, did you earn their respect or are you simply demanding it? Did they?
The answers, if you're truthful with yourself, says a lot more about you than them.
It has dawned on me recently that many people think they deserve respect without it being a reciprocal relationship. They often believe their position, title, or situation gives them the leverage to demand it, without showing it. In some senses, this is classic bullying and when one looks at those who do this, they're usually lacking in self-esteem, intelligence, and quite often, any behavior that merits it. With the exception of human decency, they quite often deserve the opposite.
As the years of my life have passed, I've met tons of people who desire attention more than they want friendship, crave accolades more than acceptance, and demand respect without, not only showing it but showing any behaviors whatsoever to earn it. It's important to understand that respect, no matter the circumstances is earned.
So why is this important to me? I feel as though people take so much for granted in this world, that they never take even a moment to recognize why they have the things they have, why they're afforded luxuries others don't, and why things around them are maintained in a nice, sustainable, habitable way. This could be anywhere. Work, home, restaurants, stores, groceries, or anywhere where two people may cross paths with one benefitting from the other's behavior. Don't confuse this with kindness. If it is someone's job to be pleasant, that isn't necessarily the type of thing that deserves respect, but one might take time to recognize that the service with a smile is coming from someone who has been on their feet for eight hours and they may be at the point of sheer exhaustion. That effort, which likely goes unnoticed by most, deserves respect. This can go for families. Often we overlook the clean house and the hot meal because it's a constant. We forget the person who is doing these things has other commitments, yet still finds the time to maintain this life we benefit from. Sometimes we use love as an excuse to not respect. We assume that a person does something because it had to be done anyway but we so often forget that we could have done it too. I battle this at work every day, doing what needs to be done, with no thanks, no appreciation and quite honestly, I don't even think people know I do it. They just know it is done. The interesting thing is, they see me doing it. So I view that as a lack of respect. But did I earn it? I don't know. I do know, I respect the hard work of those I see doing what I would have had to do or what I can't. I don't simply appreciate their effort, I respect it, because I know how many, including myself benefit.
Throughout my blogs, especially as of late, I seem to have a consistent and constant idea that I come back to, and that is, intelligence, education, and common sense are key components to almost every positive and negative behaviors. Sure smart people can do bad things, but they know they are doing it. I sincerely believe that there's a certain level of intelligence, and it's not necessarily that low, that controls our ability to realize who we are and who we are not. I think those who have lower mental capabilities tend to have an inflated sense of self-worth, which may or may not be a defense mechanism. They often are the ones who demand respect without showing it. They want praise but never give it. They want friendship without working for it and are quick to let go of that friendship the instant they feel slighted. Ironically, they live their entire lives feeling slighted, because they simply don't understand how much others do for them. I have to believe, it's because they have either always had people make up for their shortcomings or more likely, they simply don't care, because they didn't have to be bothered. The insanity of it all, is they believe they've earned your respect, simply by you being there for them. Some I believe, even believe they do the things that have been done for them. This delusion is something I've been seeing more and more in people lately. With people honestly and sincerely believing they have completed tasks that others have done for them, with the sole reason being that the tasks are always completed and they've never been bothered to do it. Is this a mental illness, sheer stupidity, or are they actually horrible people who like to use others?
While this blog has shifted a bit, I want to come back to the most simple concept of respect and I wonder how many people could be honest enough with themselves to answer this question.
Why do I deserve respect from this person, in this situation?
If the answer isn't immediately mutual and reciprocal, then chances are, you're one of the three people I described before. If you're in a position of leverage and that person needs you for any given reason, what would be respected is your compassion, your empathy, your kindness, maybe even your love, but if that's not why you want it, then you simply may not be a very good person or not bright enough to understand your position in the relationship.
Who do you want to be respected by and why? Who do you respect and why?
More importantly, did you earn their respect or are you simply demanding it? Did they?
The answers, if you're truthful with yourself, says a lot more about you than them.
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