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You Can Take The Boy Out Of The...

Where we grow up plays as big a part of who we are as adults as anything we experience. Out families lay the foundation, but it's those we befriend out of locale more so than mutual interests, that form who we are. I believe this is why I feel so out-of-place where I am now, and why I never really fit in during my time in Eastchester, NY, a place I lived for 30 years.

Brooklyn, where I spent my formative years, taught me to trust. Trust my instincts, trust my knowledge, but mostly to trust my friends. Reconnecting with an old friend yesterday, something clicked. I realized that we humans are so much like animals in the wild, but those of us who have never had to rely on others for safety, grow up very differently. In a world where we tell people, we'll always be there for them, most say it metaphorically, never knowing what it is like to live a life like this. A life based on reciprocal care, protection, and appreciation for all of those around us.

As kids, we were a pack. A pack, even n our youth, used our numbers, as protection. There were times of fight and there were times of flight, but mostly, we were left alone, viewed as being strong, not individually, but as a pack. As the years went on, I realize I tried to recreate this, but the membership was constantly shifting, growing and shrinking, which sapped the strength from within. These are still my friends, even though we may not speak, or in one case, even like each other very much, but they will always be part of me.

When I look back at my Brooklyn days, I have come to the realization, that these were my pack brothers and sisters. With the sisters staying home, while the brothers went out to "hunt." I left before I was old enough to realize the strength of our bond, but was reminded yesterday, It also made me realize that throughout my entire life, I've tried to be the leader or the alpha, or whatever one might want to call it, because I spent my youth being the weakest. They say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link and I know how strong that chain was. Every chain I've ever been the strongest link of has been much weaker.  Maybe this has been my internal struggle all along.

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