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Celebrity Crushes

Remember when you were young and you first started feeling a little funny in the nether regions when you saw some babe (or dude) on TV?  Remember, you'd fantasize about them and at the time it didn't matter you were eleven and they were twenty-five.  Age wasn't a factor in your daydreams.  Well I saw a film the other day and started thinking about my true celebrity crushes.  I mean true crushes, not like the semi you got while watching Phoebe Cates leave the pool or checking out Chrissy's camel toe on Three's Company.  I mean true crushes.  Mine always seemed to come from movies.  Some of course were TV stars, but few and far between. 

I remember the first time I saw Houseboat with Sophia Loren.  I was mesmerized by her beauty. I think to this day, she is the reason why I lean towards curvy, bodacious brunettes.  The Latin flair doesn't hurt one bit either.  I think my crush on her lasted until I saw an episode of The Fall Guy and Markie Post (yeah the one who was the lawyer on Night Court) was in a bikini. Everyone always loved Heather Thomas, but I always had a thing for Markie. 
Around the same time as my affection for Markie Post was growing I found a movie called Breathless with Richard Gere.  It was a remake of the famous Godard film (written by Jean Luc and Francois Truffaut) starring the dashing Jean Paul Belmondo and the sizzling Jean Seberg.  This film starred a relative unknown named Valerie Kaprisky.  Her slight frame and incredible innocence made me fall in love.  Once again, the foreign accent didn't hurt either.  I saw this film when I was about 15, maybe 16.  She was only 21 when she filmed it, so in my mind, it was closer to a real crush.  No other woman I saw on screen captivated me the way she did for some years.  She even made me forget what a bad movie it was.  I might want to add that it was difficult to find a picture from the film, because she is naked in pretty much every scene she's in. So you can google her if you care.  I think I speak for every guy my age when I say, in the last year or two of the 80's there was one girl and one girl only that anyone really cared about.  Samantha Fox.  What made Fox such a draw was that she was our age.  She was made famous for her nude modeling as a page six girl in an English paper.  She later became world renowned for her classic dance hit "touch Me (I want to feel your body).  She was super cute, had the most ridiculous natural body anyone had ever seen and she could sing.  Well sort of.  But she even made the heavy metal fans notice.  Which was a feat considering they were so into their shtick they didn't notice that Rob Halford and Freddie Mercury were gay.  Seriously, this is a topic for another day.  I knew they were gay. All my friends knew they were gay. Why is it that all of their fans were shocked?

The 90's entered and the crushes faded.  Mostly due to the fact I was regularly having sex with real people. Of course my girlfriend at the time was the most beautiful girl in the world.  There was nobody that could compare.  Until 1995, I saw Desperado.  Unbeknownst to me there would be perfection in a little Mexican/Lebananese hottie.  It's been sixteen years since I've seen Desperado and it seems like the woman just gets hotter.  Young kids come on the scene, like Scarlett, Keira, Morgan, but none hold a candle.  To this day, celebrities don't get me excited.  I don't want their autographs, I don't want their pictures, I honestly don't really want to meet them, but if for one second I could stand in the same room as Salma Hayek, I'd die a happy man.  I think I'd turn into that same silly, shy kid I was at 11-years-old.  I don't think, I know.

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