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Hopper For President - 2016?

To begin, I would like to throw my name into the ring for president in the 2016 election.  I don't know much about politics, but I've got a philosophy that, in my opinion, is foolproof.  Do the exact opposite as every other president before me.  Especially the recent ones.  The world isn't going to change in one day.  Unless of course that crazy guy who predicted the rapture was actually correct, but forgot to buy a recent calendar.  There are so many issues that will be attacked in this coming election and I can't help but feel we're in for another 18 months of what we've endured in recent past elections.  I will be different.

So what makes me qualified?  I was a decent student (see W.), I have no real experience (see Obama), I'm pretty smart and have very good speaking skills (see Clinton)and in a pinch I can lie (see Bush Sr.).  I, like so many of us, have selective memory (see Reagan), I value my friends (see Carter), I'm aloof at times (see Ford) and I am willing to do what it takes to get the job done (Nixon).  If you notice I stopped at Nixon because the last thing I want is to compare myself to Kennedy.  A good looking young man, who's family gained their money through illegal activity. Who almost started WWIII. Who was a womanizer and liar.  Plus, I don't like the idea of my brains being on the outside of my head.  Plus, aside from my similarities to past presidents, I actually care about people.  I don't smoke and think big business is killing this country, so lobbyists can go fuck themselves.  I'm gonna be me and do what I think is right. 

I am going to copy some of the the questions from the McCain/Obama debates and answer them with my own views.

With the economy on the downturn and retired and older citizens and workers losing their incomes, what's the fastest, most positive solution to bail these people out of the economic ruin?


Easy.  We stop making things like AMERICAN FLAGS in China.  We hire those without income, who do not have benefits to make these things.  Worst case scenario, we have the companies that distribute these things pay inmates to make them and then donate their salaries to our welfare, social security and unemployment systems.  I know, some of these people have children.  Well if we hire ten people in a community to make these items, we hire two two watch their children.  The companies selling them for $5 can sell them for $6 and everyone makes out.  We fine the balls off of companies like Nike who have seven year olds working in glue factories to put their Air Jordans together. If snot nosed suburban kids will pay $120 to think their the rapist Kobe, they'll pay $200.  Wait, you're saying I didn't mention taxes?  I was getting to that.  We tax everyone a percentage of their salary.  If you make within $5 of the minimum wage you don't pay any state taxes.  Only Federal.  If you make over $100,000 you pay .1% hire than those under.  For every $100,000 more you would pay an additional .1%.  So someone making a million dollars would pay 1% more than someone making $100,000.  That's not fair you say?  Let's for arguments sake say a person making $100,000 gets 20% taken out.  They net $80,000.  So a person making a million dollars would get 22% taken out.  Meaning they'd net $790,000 instead of $800,000.  Shedding a tear for them?  A person making $10,000,000 would make $7,000,000 instead of $8,000,000.  Anyone making over $10 Million would be flat taxed 25%.  Now I know conservatives hate this, because they feel that the people who work shouldn't have to pay for people who don't, but that's what cavemen did, that's what Native Americans did and if you read The Bible or any other religious document, that's what they did.  They took care of those less fortunate.  Plus, does anyone making $100,000,000 really work that hard anymore?

Through this economic crisis, most of the people that I know have had a difficult time. And through this bailout package, I was wondering what it is that's going to actually help those people out?

It isn't, because like when we send aid for relief efforts, there is nobody with a head on their shoulders delegating where the money goes.  Here's how the bailout should have worked.  We build a bomb and blow up Wall Street, because not only is it a hoax, but it is in no way a reflection on our true economy.  Want proof?  Don't invest, then watch a crash and see how it affects you.  You know what it doesn't.  My advice would be to pretend to buy a stock.  Say you buy a thousand shares at $25/share.  In a year, if that stock goes up, you take whatever money it went up and buy your family a luxury item.  If it goes down, you take that amount and buy your family a necessity.  Do this every year and enjoy your ongoing cycle of vacations and storm windows.  I have one more thing to say. Would people stop referring to Fannie and Freddie Mae like they are real people?

How can we trust either of you with our money when both parties got -- got us into this global economic crisis?


Well politicians can't be trusted.  Because they are bought and sold live livestock.  The global economic crisis is just that.  It's global.  Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain are fucked thanks to the adoption of the euro.  The euro made it so single governments couldn't bail themselves out.  We luckily have resources.  One of which is to not invade countries we shouldn't be in.  Now I know, we thought there were WMD's, but we were wrong.  Why did we stay?  Because we started it and we are, in theory, a good country who isn't going to leave someone struggling.  That being said, we spent too much on unnecessary projects. People fight stem cell research, but have no problem with us shooting a rocket into space for the 900th time in ten years.  The moon is still the same and to my knowledge, still not made of cheese.  Trust is a tough word, because trust must be earned by the individual not by the party.  The problem is we have people like Romney, Palin, Obama, Bush, etc who say they will do this and never come through.  How about someone be honest and say "I will try to do this, with all my power, but the way our government works, chances are it ain't gonna happen."
Since World War II, we have never been asked to sacrifice anything to help our country, except the blood of our heroic men and women. As president, what sacrifices -- sacrifices will you ask every American to make to help restore the American dream and to get out of the economic morass that we're now in?


The only sacrifice I would ask is that we turn our backs on this Me First generation.  When I was a child, as recent as the late 70's, neighbors stopped by to borrow milk, sugar or maybe even some money until the end of the week.  Why has this mentality become so foreign.  Is it because everything on TV and in magazines is glitz and glamour?  For every one person who owns a a million dollar home with gold toilet paper dispensers, there are thousands of starving children.  That was never the case.  We're a selfish and greedy society and that needs to end.  It started with Reagan when the rich got richer and the trickle down theory sounded so good.  The problem was it didn't work at all.  All it did was provide an atmosphere of false hope.  The difference between then and now was that youth didn't have a voice.  It was the elder generation, who ironically were the same giving souls I spoke of before.  They're the ones that don't want this.  You see food drives and clothing drops and who is running them.  The youth, not the older generations.  We need to get back to basics and care for thy neighbor.  Donations, volunteering and just caring is all that you would have to do.  If that is giving something up, then I don't think we can be saved.

I want to know, we saw that Congress moved pretty fast in the face of an economic crisis. I want to know what you would do within the first two years to make sure that Congress moves fast as far as environmental issues, like climate change and green jobs?


This is a huge issue.  I don't think anyone is taking this seriously.  The amount of cars on the road, the filth lining the streets and rivers in my neighborhood is disgusting.  Just the other day, I walked out of my apartment building and there was an empty pizza box, empty beer bottles and other trash in the flower bed of my apartment and I live in a  relatively clean neighborhood.  People just don't care, because they think others will take care of it.  Despite Al Gore almost shooting himself in the foot with his silliness, he is right about global warming.  The National Geographic Society has been warning of this for years and they are as unbiased as an environmental cause can be.  The fear is that going green will cost jobs, but I can't see how transferring so many daily things into environmentally friendly alternatives can do anything but cause jobs.  Congress has to start taking this seriously, regardless of their personal beliefs.

Selling health care coverage in America as the marketable commodity has become a very profitable industry.

Do you believe health care should be treated as a commodity?

I do not.  I think everyone should be entitled to health care.  I believe if you choose to pay for what you deem to be, better care, that is your prerogative, but I don't think anyone should be turned away from health care.  Just don't call it social or universal.  We need a new name for it.  If a family of four, with two working parents is just getting by and their child is sick and has to miss a week of school, they now have to pay out of pocket for care and medicine, then either take off of work or pay for child care.  So they are basically working for free.  If the care was free, that money saved could be used to pay for the child care.  Thus, not only providing health care, but possibly a child care job.  Maybe we could create an industry of in-home child care workers for ill children.  This could also be used as a minimal tax write off for the parents of those children. Killing three birds with one stone.

Is health care in America a privilege, a right, or a responsibility?

It's all three.  You should have the right to be treated when ill or injured to the point that you can't care for yourself or you are too young to do so.  The common cold is not something that should be covered.  It is a privilege in that we have a very good health care system  that is currently being abused by those with health care running every time little Joey has the sniffles. The number of malpractice lawsuits is also out of control.  Sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes people die.  There is not always a fault.  It is also a responsibility in that, if available at a reasonable rate, we owe it to ourselves to make sure we're able to maintain a comfortable, healthy level of living for us and those we support.

How will all the recent economic stress affect our nation's ability to act as a peacemaker in the world?

Well, this is two fold.  Wall Street has killed our economic view, but we still look for it to advice, even though millions of people lost money looking to it before.  I think, as long as we remain strong, we will bounce back and our views and friendships abroad will be respected and maintained.  What we can't do, is assume every country wants to be like us, which is what the news would sometimes have you believe.  We have to walk a fine line between being peacemaker and the annoying know-it-all.

OK, so this wasn't asked during this debate, but it's a current hotbed topic. Marriage equality.

I am 100% for marriage equality.  Any two human beings willing to make a lifelong commitment should be recognized as a legal couple.  They should reap the benefits and whatever negatives are associated with it.  If you want to tell me it's religiously immoral, that is fine, but I don't see any God's throwing lightening bolts down on gay couples.  What two people do or don't do behind closed doors is nobodies business but their own.  When a heterosexual couple gets married it's because they've connected on a different level and have bonded based on compatibility.  If one's only able to find that with someone of the same sex, then who are we to say they shouldn't have the rights of any other couple.
OK, I'm tired and Grandma's getting up from her nap soon.  Gonna jump in the shower and be ready to make her the 5pm Scotch!  After that I'll get back to my presidential aspirations.

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