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Free Writing - Take 46

Lately, I've strayed from the format of giving myself a time limit on these.  So tonight, I'm giving myself exactly three minutes and then I'm stopping...no matter what or where I am.

The last three weeks has been spent in deep reflection. Relaxed and soothed by good food, great company and more sleep than I'm used to, I've been able to free my mind of what ails me, but the reality is that it is only multiplying. There may be changes on the horizon. Monumental changes in regards to my life, but they aren't all the changes I want. There is a realization that loneliness and depression are going to increase and that terrifies me, being that I'm not in the right place emotionally to take on that burden. That being said, I have my family and I have a minute group of friends, especially one, who has been there. I am excited about moving on, but I greatly fear it may be two steps back or more, before that step forward is taken.  I am also conceding victory and for me that pain is real. It's not in my nature. There is no battle to lose to win a war. This is a lost battle and a lost war. I just hope it leads to a rebuilding of some....time

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