Day
30: Over the last four weeks I've written these statuses in an attempt
to make a point. A point about us, our descent into complete idiocy and
many times how we use social media to push our selfish agendas, behind
the mask of sharing. Remember, it's not sharing if you''re the only
beneficiary.
Surprisingly, I've had a decent number of people tell me positive things about these posts. Always in private and in one instance someone telling me that it's fine to point the finger at others, but as Clarice Starling said to Hannibal " You see a lot. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to." So I will. I'll list some things that most people don't know about that are in many ways negatives.
I am a hoarder. Not in the traditional sense, but in that I have problems throwing out anything that reminds me of better times. It's because of this, I spend lots of my time dwelling on the past.
I have an incredible disdain for authority and anyone who attempts to control my actions. It's why I didn't play sports in high school and generally told teachers who didn't allow me freedom to "Fuck off." It has carried over into my adult life and is partially the reason I can't find regular full time work. I just can't work with a hands on boss, unless they are teaching me something.
I'm terrified of approaching women. I always have been. Not so much because I fear rejection, but because I fear not living up to their expectations. I get nervous when I first meet someone and if there is a mutual attraction, I generally do something to screw it up. Even in long term relationships, because in my head, I feel I'm not good enough. It's also why, I'm best friends with two of my exes and can tell them anything. I also have a handful of friends who I have a platonic relationship with, who I'm at ease with.
I obsess over numbers like you can't imagine. When I played poker, I wasn't so much into the percentages of each hand, but the percentages of coming in the money, based on the number of players, my chip stack and the average. It consumes me. I also become almost enraged lately, by what I jokingly call adult ADD, but my inability to calculate in my head at times, drives me crazy. It's part of a bigger problem.
I hate being wrong. Despite what people might think, I openly admit when I'm wrong, but internally I'm flogging myself. I will go home and study whatever subject it may be, to be prepared, should the topic arise again.
I'm obsessed with knowledge, no matter how trivial. The other morning, I dumped a hard boiled egg into some reheated boneless ribs. It was good, so I googled it. Appears it's a Vietnamese dish called Thit Kho Tau. Which led me to reading about Vietnamese New Year called Tet. I then read about the Tet Offensive. I then segued into unjust wars, then arms sales, Reagan, James Brady, Gun Laws, Trayvon Martin, hoodies in pop culture, sneakers and ended up on a shoe website selling old school Adidas and Pumas. This was three hours later. So you can see where looking for a job in Maine at 9am can end up with a recipe for lobster at noon.
Finally, some silly (serious) things you can poke fun at me for.
I generally sleep with my feet at my headboard.
I haven't ordered a pizza in over a decade.
I haven't bought new sneakers in four years.
People laugh at my wearing shorts in the winter, but I loathe the feeling of blue jeans on my legs.
I enjoy doing laundry.
I probably read 14 hours a day, but haven't finished a book in four years.
I talk on the phone to only three people with any regularity.
Not a secret, but I find religion and all aspects of it, to be mind boggling and fascinating. I also feel it's the worst man made creation ever conceived.
I was adopted at 4 days old.
I skipped third grade.
I got left back in tenth grade.
I got a 99% on a regents exam after failing the class.
I have 21 credits left on my degree and 22 to graduate with a religious studies minor.
I'll end with the most embarrassing thing of all, which I've only a handful of people know.
I'm absolutely terrified of strong winds and I'm convinced I'll be killed by a street sign in a hurricane. #100DaysOfHopper
Surprisingly, I've had a decent number of people tell me positive things about these posts. Always in private and in one instance someone telling me that it's fine to point the finger at others, but as Clarice Starling said to Hannibal " You see a lot. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to." So I will. I'll list some things that most people don't know about that are in many ways negatives.
I am a hoarder. Not in the traditional sense, but in that I have problems throwing out anything that reminds me of better times. It's because of this, I spend lots of my time dwelling on the past.
I have an incredible disdain for authority and anyone who attempts to control my actions. It's why I didn't play sports in high school and generally told teachers who didn't allow me freedom to "Fuck off." It has carried over into my adult life and is partially the reason I can't find regular full time work. I just can't work with a hands on boss, unless they are teaching me something.
I'm terrified of approaching women. I always have been. Not so much because I fear rejection, but because I fear not living up to their expectations. I get nervous when I first meet someone and if there is a mutual attraction, I generally do something to screw it up. Even in long term relationships, because in my head, I feel I'm not good enough. It's also why, I'm best friends with two of my exes and can tell them anything. I also have a handful of friends who I have a platonic relationship with, who I'm at ease with.
I obsess over numbers like you can't imagine. When I played poker, I wasn't so much into the percentages of each hand, but the percentages of coming in the money, based on the number of players, my chip stack and the average. It consumes me. I also become almost enraged lately, by what I jokingly call adult ADD, but my inability to calculate in my head at times, drives me crazy. It's part of a bigger problem.
I hate being wrong. Despite what people might think, I openly admit when I'm wrong, but internally I'm flogging myself. I will go home and study whatever subject it may be, to be prepared, should the topic arise again.
I'm obsessed with knowledge, no matter how trivial. The other morning, I dumped a hard boiled egg into some reheated boneless ribs. It was good, so I googled it. Appears it's a Vietnamese dish called Thit Kho Tau. Which led me to reading about Vietnamese New Year called Tet. I then read about the Tet Offensive. I then segued into unjust wars, then arms sales, Reagan, James Brady, Gun Laws, Trayvon Martin, hoodies in pop culture, sneakers and ended up on a shoe website selling old school Adidas and Pumas. This was three hours later. So you can see where looking for a job in Maine at 9am can end up with a recipe for lobster at noon.
Finally, some silly (serious) things you can poke fun at me for.
I generally sleep with my feet at my headboard.
I haven't ordered a pizza in over a decade.
I haven't bought new sneakers in four years.
People laugh at my wearing shorts in the winter, but I loathe the feeling of blue jeans on my legs.
I enjoy doing laundry.
I probably read 14 hours a day, but haven't finished a book in four years.
I talk on the phone to only three people with any regularity.
Not a secret, but I find religion and all aspects of it, to be mind boggling and fascinating. I also feel it's the worst man made creation ever conceived.
I was adopted at 4 days old.
I skipped third grade.
I got left back in tenth grade.
I got a 99% on a regents exam after failing the class.
I have 21 credits left on my degree and 22 to graduate with a religious studies minor.
I'll end with the most embarrassing thing of all, which I've only a handful of people know.
I'm absolutely terrified of strong winds and I'm convinced I'll be killed by a street sign in a hurricane. #100DaysOfHopper
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