Hop's Thoughts

Well my beginning of the year predictions (which I didn't blog until August) were way off.  I had three of the four AL teams right, but Boston let me down.  I only had Philadelphia correct in the NL.  Sad.  So here's my updated predictions for this years playoffs, AL Yankees over Detroit in Five.  Verlander goes 1-1.  Loses game five in NY. Texas over Tampa Bay in three.  I like Tampa's pitching, but hate their inconsistent bats. Yankees over Texas in six.  C.J. Wilson goes 2-0 and that's it. NL Philadelphia over St. Louis in four.  St. Louis is hot, but the Philly pitching is crazy. Arizona over Milwaukee in Five.  Ian Kennedy is a beast and should win the Cy Young. Philadelphia over Arizona in Five.  Halladay and Lee available twice.  Kennedy only once. World Series Philadelphia over Yankees in six.  I honestly, sincerely believe that the pitching is going to be too much for the Yankees.  They survive o...

You ever think about the times in your life now and think about how lucky you are there haven't always been camera phones?  Today, kids (and some adults) take pictures of everything.  There are no secrets with Facebook and Twitter and all the other social networks.  People text, they sext, they send naked pictures to each other.  The Internet is filled with scorned boyfriends and girlfriends pictures in provocative poses.  Sometimes it's a little more innocent, but none the less embarrassing.  I think back to earlier times (and some not earlier and I'm glad there weren't cameras readily available. I think about some moments at the beach sunbathing.  I thank goodness the cameras stayed in the bags. I think about the number of fights that I've been in that would have been caught on tape. I think about the times I might have run into an alley to puke during a bad night of drinking.  I think about the time friends broke into a dorm room while ...

As I come down the homestretch of week two of the new me, I have come to realize with clarity comes recognition.  Not by others, but self recognition.  I've realized while changing something minor in myself, that it's the major things that will always be left behind.  As I struggle with the loss of a relationship, the weakening of some friendships and the reality of more and more time spent alone, I realize there are things about me, I just can not change.  Some I wish I could, some I can not. I can't change my compassion.  I feel for people.  Especially those in need.  I am usually the funny guy in the room, but when the chips are down, I turn into the one who puts his hand on your shoulder and offers you support.  Tonight I did that and it wasn't wanted.  I understand.  Everyone needs a break from reality.  I guess I was so used to taking that break every day, that my instincts slowed me down to be the caretaker.  Maybe it'...

In the past ten years I haven't once woken up after a night of drinking with a hangover or headache.  In the past 10 days, since I stopped drinking, I've woken up with a migraine three times. I couldn't afford my car at one point, so I refinanced it. One day after the final payment was mailed out, I totaled it. I had never stretched before playing a sport in my entire life.  The first time I ever did was in a basketball class at Manhattan College.  I blew out my ACL two minutes into the game. I once made a college baseball team that was returning JC Championship runner-ups.  I was one of two non-returners to make the team out of a pool of forty (impressive being I never played HS baseball and these were all HS all-stars).  When they congratulated me, they explained that I had to drop all my class load down to six credits.  I never played baseball again. I skipped third grade because I was really smart.  I got left back in tenth because I was re...

This is not a bucket list.  I do not desire to jump out of a plane or climb Kilamanjaro.  I don't even want to see the Great Wall, unless it's the one in Fleetwood and I'm ordering boneless spare ribs.  No these are things I'd like to do for the reaction. I'd love to walk into a nursing home lobby where everyone always seems to congregate.  I'd hold up a a whip and a ball gag and say "did anyone leave this in the dining hall?" Or pretend to be a health inspector and close down a young child's lemonade stand for health violations.  I'd give them a phony summons and say "being cute only gets you so far.  And stop crying!" I would like to go into a bar with nine friends all dressed like cowboys and order ten beers and tens shots, drink them down and throw a gold filling on the bar and walk out. I'd like to walk into Lord & Taylor and go up the escalator and right as the perfume ladies come over, spray them with a fire ext...

It's been a while since I've jotted down some of my inane thoughts.  This week has been one of minor and major revelations and I feel some of them need to be voiced.  I'm sure the four people that read this are waiting for something profound along the lines of "I think, therefor I am."  Ain't gonna happen. You're stuck with this crap. During a recent GOP debate in Florida, Rick Santorum made derogatory comments after a video of a gay soldier was played.  Spectators booed the soldier and then cheered Santorum.  While I agree that I could care less who the guy fighting next to me is fucking, his comments had deeper meaning and the fact he's still a candidate says a lot about the moral fiber of this country. Especially Florida. If four babies, one white, one black, one Spanish, and one Asian were born on a remote island all alone, would they grow up to believe in a God?  Would they be racist?  Would they be homophobic?  Would they be friends or e...

For the last month plus I've been pretty much an open book.  What I didn't realize, is that in disclosing my life and it's strengths and weakness, I opened myself up to people who prey on this.  Monday morning I made a decision to stop drinking.  I don't know if this is forever or until I get my act together, but this week, while stressful for other reason, has been a reason for a weekend cocktail. It is now Sunday afternoon, the first football games are entering halftime and the Red Sox are playing the Yankees.  There are friends at bars all over and there is a pig roast down the street from me.  I'm currently sitting home with my third cup of coffee.  I've already eaten, checked my e-mail, my twitter and my Facebook.  Ready to go. Today is different.  People have this perception that I drink every day, which couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not giving it up because I'm an alcoholic, I'm giving it up, because when I do drink, I can'...

Meeting the right guy or girl takes many things.  It takes the act of meeting.  The luck of meeting under the right circumstances.  I know ladies, The Notebook was a very romantic tale.  One about that cheat, Rachel McAdams, haha.  So now, you've met the right person, under the right circumstances.  Then you have to get to know them.  They say opposites attract, but the reality is that is very rarely true.  You need some bond.  Music, Movies, Art, something.  In most cases you need the same intellect to be able to converse and not have one person get bored.  You need to share some common values.  In some cases, people require someone to be of the same religion. Finally you have to decide if this is someone you want to put the time in with.  relationships are a lot of work.  No matter who you are, you are going to have to make sacrifices and sometimes put the other person first.  Finally, you're going to have to d...

Imagine you're stranded on an island with nothing to eat, nothing to wash with, nothing to rub up against other than a volleyball you've drawn a face on to look as much as Megan Fox (or if you're a female, Eric from True Blood).  Imagine you find a bottle with a genie in it.  You are granted a food wish.  You may pick one and only one item from each food group.  What item would it be?  For arguments sake, let's also say, you are equipped with a kitchen with condiments and oils.  It's a nice fucking island. Stop complaining.  Here is mine. Bread, Cereal, Rice & Pasta:  Orzo I'm not really a bread and pasta person.  I rarely eat cereal, although ironically I bought a box last night for the first time in about a year.  I love rice of all kinds, but the thought of white or brown rice.  Even a Spanish rice with saffron doesn't do it for me.  A nice orzo (with lemon - wait do I pick lemon) is perfect with so many things....

As a child, I could sleep forever.  In my teen years, I remember my parents checking to make sure I was breathing.  As I entered my 20's, I'd party all night, work all day and sleep, literally all weekend.  This was always the case, until one day.  My mother had just had surgery and the doctor very bluntly pulled my father and I aside and said "she has six months to live."  From that day on, I have become an insomniac. When my mother was reaching her final days, there were time when she would call out and I would jump out of bed, only to find she hadn't called out at all.  Even in drunken stupors, I would rise quickly at the hint of a call.  I will never forget her final night.  I had just fallen asleep and my father knocked on my door and told me that she was breathing very quickly.  We stared at her and we knew it was the last night.  About an hour later, another knock and she was gone. The following day, we made the arrangements a...

I was thinking about this blog the other day.  By far it took the longest to write, because it was the longest I ever wrote.  I haven't read it since the day I wrote it and decided to go back and update it, because I'm in such a different place in my life than I was in late November, two years ago.  I'd say 95% of it is the same, but I've updated some of it.  Those new comments are italicized. I had been contemplating doing this as a facebook note, but decided it might be a little personal and I'm just to shy to have my life displayed on facebook....OK I'm just fucking with you. Here it goes, the famous questionnaire that tells you everything you wanna know about someone, but really didn't care to ask. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? Mine is nothing symbolic or some cliche like to die alone. We all die alone in some way or another. Unless of course, we die in a car crash with others, but metaphorically, we all die our own deaths. My true fear is very...

Well it looks like the boring end of the baseball season, just got a little exciting.  Mathematically, it's going to go down to the wire.  In the American League, Boston has a two game lead in the wild card race over Tampa Bay and three games on the Angels.  All three have six games left.  Boston plays the Yankees and Baltimore on the road.  Tampa Bay plays Toronto and New York at home.  The Angels play Oakland and Texas at home.  So it would appear Boston is in serious trouble, especially since they are slumping.  Here's the thing.  The reality is that Boston only needs to win two games to basically tie for the lead. If they win two, Tampa Bay would have to win five to surpass them and the Angels would have to win all six.  They are greatly ahead mathematically.  I think it's going to be crazy.  I think Boston will win four and both the Rays and Angels will win five each.  Giving Boston the wild card on the last day of th...

Last night, or should I say early morning, I finally fell asleep.  Somewhat soon into my slumber, I had a dream.  It was a dream of sleeping and I was not alone.  Do not think I am going to detail a dream of sexual conquest, this dream was nothing at all like that.  I was doing nothing more than holding someone.  The warmth of two bodies next to each other was the most excitement that this dream could muster.  I was at peace.  I had finally found what I was looking for.  I awoke with my arms wrapped around a pillow.  I was covered in sweat.  At first I didn't now if I was awake or dreaming, but then felt the pillow.  Overcome by sadness, I stripped off the covers.  I lay there for a second, taking in the fact it was a dream.  My phone lay next to me, no message, nothing.  As I staggered into the bathroom, I remembered.  I hadn't even said goodnight.  I collapsed back into bed.  Slightly in disarray....

I started this blog with the hopes to be funny.  It's turned into a self-help guide for me.  Ironically, it's at times caused me pain, due to my openness.  Not everyone appreciates being part of my open-book policy.  I'm still learning.  Today, as I was walking from the office of the Department of Labor over to the IRS building, I was thinking about how I so badly want to write a funny blog.  One that gets back to the old me.  I'm not the old me.  Well at least not the last three days.  Maybe even longer.  I've become sullen.  I've become obsessed with being happy, but not sure how to find it.  I've turned a corner this week and I'm trying hard.  The not drinking is the easy part.  I don't normally go out Tuesday and Wednesday's anyway, so that isn't tough.  The loneliness is what is hard.  What I've lost over the last month is the rough part.  So how can I be funny?  I'll have to find a way. I s...

I spent this morning at two government office today and in doing so, I think I know exactly what is wrong with this country.  I walked in around 10:30 and was told I had to wait until 11:15 for the meeting.  As I sat, I watched as the receptionist did all the work.  While she was putting files together and helping people as they came in, two men sat their and talked about how little everyone is doing to find a job and how they are all liars.  Two things struck me about this conversation.  One was the fact that a government paid employee would have the audacity to say these things within earshot of about fifty people and the second was that the conversation lasted about 20 minutes.  While a room full of people waited, two men had a conversation about other people's issues.  During this fiasco, I recognized the woman I had met upon my first visit.  She and another woman were making copies and stapling them together.  Very haphazardly, I might...

Monday morning I decided to make a change in my life.  Monday was not a good day.  Tuesday however was a good day.  It didn't start that well.  I had a phone conversation which started out nice, but then pointed out a of my faults.  It was refreshing.  Honesty always is.  I couldn't fall asleep, but it wasn't the new found information, but my normal insomnia.  I finally dozed off at about 8:15am.  Not good, being that I planned on leaving the house at 9:00 and getting a few things done.  I awoke at 9:50 to my excruciatingly loud buzzer.  Much to my surprise, it was two detectives.  They weren't after me, so that was good.  I tried to go back to sleep, couldn't.  My day would start. I got dressed and started a pot of coffee. While it was making,I made breakfast.  A BLT with some white cheddar.  I then proceeded to make a list of goals for the week.  I was told this is a good thing to do when you're in ...

Yesterday, while uneventful, was a pivotal day in my life.  Yesterday, I decided that I'm going to stop drinking.  I don't know if this will be a permanent thing, but for now, that is how I am going into it.  I was discussing with someone last night how it was only the last few weeks or months that it has been a problem, but the reality is, it has always been somewhat of a problem.  In the past it hasn't cost me as much as the last few weeks, but it has cost me in other ways. The financial burden of going out has been catastrophic when i look at it.  I've never had any very high paying jobs and a large percentage of my pay has gone to socializing.  I've had three car accidents while drinking and two could have been awful. One for myself and one for complete strangers, for this I am forever thankful.  Thankfully, both times, luck was on my side.  As a teen and young adult, I was constantly getting into fights.  Drinking played a huge part in...

The past few weeks have been a disaster.  The night of Hurricane Irene I let a friend down.  A week later, I did something even more stupid.  Since then I've continually sabotaged the one good thing going on in my life.  I've been told what to do.  I've been told what not to, but I am constantly doing the opposite.  Saturday night I annoyed my friend.  Sunday I annoyed her even more.  Here's the thing.  I don't remember anything.  Every night that has been bad, every single one has been due to drinking.  For years, I've had the highest tolerance and I've always been very cognisant about the fact that my friends with drinking problems had a moment where they turned the corner.  It's easy to say, I'll never drink again.  It's easy to say, I'll cut back and be careful.  The truth is I probably will drink again.  I just need to control my life. Today, I woke up, feeling shaky and distraught with the knowledge I pro...

Today I woke up and realized I need to make some changes.  Today I realized that a few hours of fun, isn't worth not being with someone I care about.  Today, I realized what I have to do.  I just think it may be too late.

It's impossible to make a list of the top ten songs of all time, because in my opinion songs mean very different things at very different times.  When in a tumultuous relationship, I don't want to hear Dolly Parton's "Jolene."  When I'm sad, I don't want to hear Wannabee by the Spice Girls (OK, sometimes).  I love Stairway to Heaven, but don't want to hear it more than once or twice a year.  The radio has made me despise Hotel California, even though I know deep down it's a great song.  For this list, I'm just picking ten songs, that I think are amazing.  Songs that when I first hear them, I knew they'd stick with me forever.  I'm in a somewhat odd point in my life.  Been doing a lot of reflection lately, so there won't be any old school rap or heavy metal.  Just songs that touched me at one time and are meaningful as I forge ahead in my life. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XucegAHZojc This song is hau...

Remember that song "If I had a million dollars?"  It was silly, but kind of real.  I don't know if I'd buy a monkey or a boat or anything like that.  I don't even need a million dollars.  There are things I would love to have though.  Living without them is tolerable, but would be such better to have a few. If I had an RV, I'd never live in a big house.  I'd jump in that sucker every chance I got, grab some friends or loved ones and just drive.  I'd see all there is to see and wouldn't ever stop. If I had a big kitchen, I would be sure to cook every day.  I wouldn't only cook for me, but be sure to have people over all the time.  I'd make everything from breakfast and brunches to five course meals.  I'd make sure to never eat alone again. If I had a porch, I'd spend as much time on it as possible.  I've spent the last 21 hours at a friends house who has a porch and I've spent about 8 hours of it on the porch.  Only thi...