Yesterday's blog was arguably the worst I've ever written. It started with one funny thought and turned into an insult to anyone who decided to read it. I got more shit for that blog than any other. The funny thing was the reaction and some insight. Someone mentioned that they recognized a line in my blog being directed towards someone, when in fact it wasn't. It made me realize me open book life sometimes doesn't allow for freedom. Not freedom in the sense that I am caged, but that everyone I am with thinks they are the only ones. A friend joked that he had better not be in my blog or at least not a descriptive portrayal.
Today's blog is just a little therapy for me. I need it after the last few days. I've learned some stuff about myself and other people. I think it's healthy, if not advantageous, to voice certain things. Maybe I am wrong, but then again maybe I'm not. So what exactly does one learn from circumstances, sayings and nature?
The past few days have confirmed my feelings about Yankees fans. I went out for two of the games and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Yankees fans are the most fair weathered fans of them all. When they are down they preach about it being September and their 27 rings and when they are up they ask "what have you done for me lately?" When the Red Sox were winning my phone was silent. After the game, it lit up like the dark sky on fourth of July. I get it. I honestly do. For the life of me I just can't understand why all but one of my friends can't talk shit when the chips are down. It's pathetic. An entire state and not more than one person can stay true to the cause. It make me worried about more pressing issues. I do not joke about this.
The hurricane and the economy also has me worried. I'm worried not for myself or my family. I'm worried for the generations to come. Democrats want a long term solution that may or may not work. Republicans want to live high on the hog now and could care less about their kin. It's a scary time. Everyone loves to blame Obama, but the reality is, that aside from some decent Clinton years, our economy has been in the toilet since 1981. Carter is conceived as the worst president ever, but that's because he had less than no personality and was followed by a guy who oozed charisma. How could anyone who parted their hair on the wrong side be this popular? Today's media would have eaten him alive. Regardless of who runs this shithole country, they need to be strong. We have no candidates of this ilk.
I also realized I have an ego. Someone told me this after I handed her my fortune cookie scroll. I do have an ego. I'm smarter than most people I know and I don't say this because I'm a dick. I say this because my silly IQ says so and my undying need for knowledge says so. I recently saw a post on Facebook where someone who works for the NY Times said he saw someone reading the paper at Starbucks. I made the joke that the person couldn't be from Eastchester. His post got flooded with taunts of liberal this and Scarsdale that. I chuckled aloud when I read these, because it made me realize that people don't mind being of a lesser IQ. People don't mind being misinformed. I'm not saying that the NYT doesn't have a bias, but in the end it is news. It is not an editorial. I look on Facebook every day with the mini-rants about how great the Jersey Shore is, how bad Obama is and how hot, cold, rainy it is and I worry. I worry that our country has become a checkout line magazine. I'm almost numb to stupidity. That truly scares me.
The other thing I learned is that I am such a simple person. I've been through a rough patch recently and someone made it better by coming into my life. Friends of mine were worried I was moving to fast and told me to be careful. One person's message I took to heart, but with a huge grain of salt. What I have learned is that I know other people like the back of my hand. I know them better than they know themselves. I don't know myself however. I could literally bury half of the people I know with one comment, but I can't dig myself out of my own grave. I want to give the person I'm with the world, but I can't. She deserves so much more than I have to offer, but it's just not there. This past week has had its ups and downs. It's taught me that I don't strive to be more for people. I think too highly of myself and think it's enough. In a perfect world, I would wake up, make breakfast, have sex, make lunch, have sex, and then watch the game as I made dinner, have sex, watch a movie, have sex and go to sleep. It sounds good, but I want more. Everyone wants more. I want to talk about hopes and dreams and then I want to talk more. I want to look someone in the eye and have them look back and tell me they love me. I want to take walks (short walks) and I want to hold hands. I want to be able to go out to dinner without worrying about the cable bill. It all sounds simple, but what is simple?
I write this blog to voice my opinion. I write this for therapy. I write this to maybe get a rise out of someone who reads it that may feel differently. In my mind 3 million people hang on every word, when in actuality, 20-30 people glance at it. I'm in a good place emotionally right now and maybe that's why my blogs haven't had the edge they normally have. Maybe someone will read this and comment. Maybe they will pass a remark. Maybe they will say I;m a jerk. I don't know what people think. I don't know how people who do awful things, mundane things or play to the norm pass judgement on me. I know three things in life. I am honest, I am not a hypocrite and I may very well be in love with someone. I do not apologize for any of those things. I wrote a bad blog yesterday. Many people commented. I've written a few good ones and no one did. I guess I need to realize that this is the world I live in. I don't know what to say about everyone else and their feelings, but I know one thing; I woke up alone today for the first time in a few days and I'm as unhappy as I've been in years. Life isn't about money. It's not about the size of your home or the cost of your car. It's not about how many friends you have or where you go to dinner. At the end of the day, all that matters, is who you throw your arm around in the middle of the night and if they grab it like it's the greatest thing they've ever felt.
Today's blog is just a little therapy for me. I need it after the last few days. I've learned some stuff about myself and other people. I think it's healthy, if not advantageous, to voice certain things. Maybe I am wrong, but then again maybe I'm not. So what exactly does one learn from circumstances, sayings and nature?
The past few days have confirmed my feelings about Yankees fans. I went out for two of the games and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Yankees fans are the most fair weathered fans of them all. When they are down they preach about it being September and their 27 rings and when they are up they ask "what have you done for me lately?" When the Red Sox were winning my phone was silent. After the game, it lit up like the dark sky on fourth of July. I get it. I honestly do. For the life of me I just can't understand why all but one of my friends can't talk shit when the chips are down. It's pathetic. An entire state and not more than one person can stay true to the cause. It make me worried about more pressing issues. I do not joke about this.
The hurricane and the economy also has me worried. I'm worried not for myself or my family. I'm worried for the generations to come. Democrats want a long term solution that may or may not work. Republicans want to live high on the hog now and could care less about their kin. It's a scary time. Everyone loves to blame Obama, but the reality is, that aside from some decent Clinton years, our economy has been in the toilet since 1981. Carter is conceived as the worst president ever, but that's because he had less than no personality and was followed by a guy who oozed charisma. How could anyone who parted their hair on the wrong side be this popular? Today's media would have eaten him alive. Regardless of who runs this shithole country, they need to be strong. We have no candidates of this ilk.
I also realized I have an ego. Someone told me this after I handed her my fortune cookie scroll. I do have an ego. I'm smarter than most people I know and I don't say this because I'm a dick. I say this because my silly IQ says so and my undying need for knowledge says so. I recently saw a post on Facebook where someone who works for the NY Times said he saw someone reading the paper at Starbucks. I made the joke that the person couldn't be from Eastchester. His post got flooded with taunts of liberal this and Scarsdale that. I chuckled aloud when I read these, because it made me realize that people don't mind being of a lesser IQ. People don't mind being misinformed. I'm not saying that the NYT doesn't have a bias, but in the end it is news. It is not an editorial. I look on Facebook every day with the mini-rants about how great the Jersey Shore is, how bad Obama is and how hot, cold, rainy it is and I worry. I worry that our country has become a checkout line magazine. I'm almost numb to stupidity. That truly scares me.
The other thing I learned is that I am such a simple person. I've been through a rough patch recently and someone made it better by coming into my life. Friends of mine were worried I was moving to fast and told me to be careful. One person's message I took to heart, but with a huge grain of salt. What I have learned is that I know other people like the back of my hand. I know them better than they know themselves. I don't know myself however. I could literally bury half of the people I know with one comment, but I can't dig myself out of my own grave. I want to give the person I'm with the world, but I can't. She deserves so much more than I have to offer, but it's just not there. This past week has had its ups and downs. It's taught me that I don't strive to be more for people. I think too highly of myself and think it's enough. In a perfect world, I would wake up, make breakfast, have sex, make lunch, have sex, and then watch the game as I made dinner, have sex, watch a movie, have sex and go to sleep. It sounds good, but I want more. Everyone wants more. I want to talk about hopes and dreams and then I want to talk more. I want to look someone in the eye and have them look back and tell me they love me. I want to take walks (short walks) and I want to hold hands. I want to be able to go out to dinner without worrying about the cable bill. It all sounds simple, but what is simple?
I write this blog to voice my opinion. I write this for therapy. I write this to maybe get a rise out of someone who reads it that may feel differently. In my mind 3 million people hang on every word, when in actuality, 20-30 people glance at it. I'm in a good place emotionally right now and maybe that's why my blogs haven't had the edge they normally have. Maybe someone will read this and comment. Maybe they will pass a remark. Maybe they will say I;m a jerk. I don't know what people think. I don't know how people who do awful things, mundane things or play to the norm pass judgement on me. I know three things in life. I am honest, I am not a hypocrite and I may very well be in love with someone. I do not apologize for any of those things. I wrote a bad blog yesterday. Many people commented. I've written a few good ones and no one did. I guess I need to realize that this is the world I live in. I don't know what to say about everyone else and their feelings, but I know one thing; I woke up alone today for the first time in a few days and I'm as unhappy as I've been in years. Life isn't about money. It's not about the size of your home or the cost of your car. It's not about how many friends you have or where you go to dinner. At the end of the day, all that matters, is who you throw your arm around in the middle of the night and if they grab it like it's the greatest thing they've ever felt.
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