Monday morning I decided to make a change in my life. Monday was not a good day. Tuesday however was a good day. It didn't start that well. I had a phone conversation which started out nice, but then pointed out a of my faults. It was refreshing. Honesty always is. I couldn't fall asleep, but it wasn't the new found information, but my normal insomnia. I finally dozed off at about 8:15am. Not good, being that I planned on leaving the house at 9:00 and getting a few things done. I awoke at 9:50 to my excruciatingly loud buzzer. Much to my surprise, it was two detectives. They weren't after me, so that was good. I tried to go back to sleep, couldn't. My day would start.
I got dressed and started a pot of coffee. While it was making,I made breakfast. A BLT with some white cheddar. I then proceeded to make a list of goals for the week. I was told this is a good thing to do when you're in my situation. I grouped my list in two ways. I listed every day of the week and then had headers that wrote. Very Important, Important and For Me. At the bottom, I listed three weekly goals. They read: Don't drink, don't harass the ones you care about and finally, breathe. I looked over the list and felt it was a good start. Everything on it was manageable and I wasn't biting off more than I could chew. On top of it, there was something every day for me. These aren't all easy, but they are for my piece of mind.
I finished up my breakfast and my first cup of coffee and I headed up to the post office. I mailed out something that was too go out weeks ago. A month ago. Maybe even more. I finally got around to it. I came home and crossed off the most important thing from my list. I felt good. I got another cup of coffee and turned the TV on. Nothing interested me, so I checked my e-mails, Facebook and Twitter. I checked my list and decided to take care of the second thing on it. This was something that has been stressing me for months and I went into it with an open mind. Second, item, the one listed "important" - done.
Then I wrote my blog. I posted it for everyone to see. I don't want to have secrets and I feel badly about those I've hurt over the last few weeks and months. So in my own way, it's an open apology. I started feeling tired and then my phone started going off. Supportive texts and messages poured in. Surprisingly a few people politely said "about time." It made me realize that even when I was in control, I wasn't. From the outside looking in, others saw my pain. I've always joked that the song Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson was my theme song. Yesterday, I knew this was more true than ever. I wasn't sad though. I was happier than I've been in ages. I sent a text to a friend. They were busy. No problem. My life isn't theirs. Then I got another text. A friend asking if I needed anything. A friend I let down recently. They told me not to worry. To take care of myself. I crossed another goal off my list. My apology.
The rest of the day continued with texts, games of Words with Friends and before I knew it the sun was down. I turned on the Red Sox game and watched until a new TV show called New Girl came on. It was funny and sad. I liked it. I finished watching the game and crossed my "for me" goal off my list. During so, I started feverishly cleaning my apartment. Earlier, I had cleaned my toilet, bathtub and sink. I got about halfway done when I got a little tired. I crossed another goal off my list, although this one has a continuation. I started texting a friend and playing more games on my phone. I tried to be truthful without harassing. I laid in bed thinking about today. The phone rang. "Goodnight." It was a pretty good day.
I got dressed and started a pot of coffee. While it was making,I made breakfast. A BLT with some white cheddar. I then proceeded to make a list of goals for the week. I was told this is a good thing to do when you're in my situation. I grouped my list in two ways. I listed every day of the week and then had headers that wrote. Very Important, Important and For Me. At the bottom, I listed three weekly goals. They read: Don't drink, don't harass the ones you care about and finally, breathe. I looked over the list and felt it was a good start. Everything on it was manageable and I wasn't biting off more than I could chew. On top of it, there was something every day for me. These aren't all easy, but they are for my piece of mind.
I finished up my breakfast and my first cup of coffee and I headed up to the post office. I mailed out something that was too go out weeks ago. A month ago. Maybe even more. I finally got around to it. I came home and crossed off the most important thing from my list. I felt good. I got another cup of coffee and turned the TV on. Nothing interested me, so I checked my e-mails, Facebook and Twitter. I checked my list and decided to take care of the second thing on it. This was something that has been stressing me for months and I went into it with an open mind. Second, item, the one listed "important" - done.
Then I wrote my blog. I posted it for everyone to see. I don't want to have secrets and I feel badly about those I've hurt over the last few weeks and months. So in my own way, it's an open apology. I started feeling tired and then my phone started going off. Supportive texts and messages poured in. Surprisingly a few people politely said "about time." It made me realize that even when I was in control, I wasn't. From the outside looking in, others saw my pain. I've always joked that the song Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson was my theme song. Yesterday, I knew this was more true than ever. I wasn't sad though. I was happier than I've been in ages. I sent a text to a friend. They were busy. No problem. My life isn't theirs. Then I got another text. A friend asking if I needed anything. A friend I let down recently. They told me not to worry. To take care of myself. I crossed another goal off my list. My apology.
The rest of the day continued with texts, games of Words with Friends and before I knew it the sun was down. I turned on the Red Sox game and watched until a new TV show called New Girl came on. It was funny and sad. I liked it. I finished watching the game and crossed my "for me" goal off my list. During so, I started feverishly cleaning my apartment. Earlier, I had cleaned my toilet, bathtub and sink. I got about halfway done when I got a little tired. I crossed another goal off my list, although this one has a continuation. I started texting a friend and playing more games on my phone. I tried to be truthful without harassing. I laid in bed thinking about today. The phone rang. "Goodnight." It was a pretty good day.
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