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My Own Worst Enemy

Two nights ago I did something stupid.  I divulge to much on Facebook, Twitter and this blog.  Today I will keep my comments to a minimum.  I will not go of a tangent about my personal life, because I'm learning it affects others.  I will not bash myself, so that others can arm themselves with the ammunition to attack me.  Whether it be in jest or for real.  I'm an open book and I don't hide my feelings well.  I might need to try for the sake of my sanity, but I don't know how.

Two nights ago I did something stupid.  I let a vice control me and the repercussions have been devastating.  I recently met someone for whom I have a great deal of respect and some quickly growing feelings for.  They let me into their world with some trepidation and I can't tell them how much I appreciated it.  Our feeling started to grow and had become more than just a fling or a crush.  Two people, in search of someone who gets them.  Someone who cares.  Both with pasts that left them guarded.  I don't want to put a label on it, but it was nice.  It was beyond comfortable.  It was at times, perfect. 

Two night ago I did something stupid.  I can't take it back.  I can't make it right.  I have to move forward and hope for forgiveness.  I can try to be better.  I can make some minor changes.  I can try to be the best person I can be, from now on.  I can't make Friday night go away.  My hands tremble, my stomach tosses and turns.  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid that history is repeating itself and every time I have something good within my grasp, I do something to lose it.  I've lost a lot in my life.  I've had a lot to lose.  I don't want this to be another time I sit and wonder, what if? 

Two nights ago I did something stupid.  I am sorry. I hope it's enough.

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