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My New Diet

The is only in jest...I realize there are holes in my theory.

I have tried fad diets and while I truly believe that Atkins fellow was on to something, I still have an issue with a diet that supports the use of bacon as a healthy snack.  I once lost 34 lbs in 3 months on Atkins with a healthy diet of eggs and bacon, cheese, burgers, steaks and Absolut Mandarin.  I realized this wasn't healthy when I couldn't remember not eating.

So, I'm switching gears and I've come up with the ultimate inexpensive diet.  I will watch as the pounds melt away.  My diet will also include two cheat breakfasts, two cheat lunches and two cheat dinners.  The breakfasts will include bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches or bagels with cream cheese.  The lunches will consist of sandwiches of lettuce, tomato, avocado and cheese or peanut butter.  The dinners will include pretty much anything on the Piper's Kilt, Burrito Poblano or East Bamboo menus (Chop Stix is an option if I get an invite).  Those are the cheat meals and will not be combined on same days.

The main menu will be very simple and inexpensive.  It will consist of lots and lots of coffee, water and club soda.  Breakfast will consist of a banana and half a container of Friendship 4% California curd cottage cheese.  Lunch will be an egg roll with spicy mustard.  Snack will be the second half of the cottage cheese and dinner will be a Celeste pizza.  The total nutritional tally is 900 calories, 90 grams of carbs, 35 grams of fat and 50 grams of carbohydrates.  The addition of a small salad might be added to the dinner for a little more substance, but will be small with a slight amount of dressing.

I figure at this rate, I will drop weight at about 2.5-3 lbs a week for the next twelve weeks.  Which means my New Years resolution can be to gain weight!  As preposterous as this sounds.  I lost almost 50 lbs doing nothing but eating tomato, lettuce, avocado and cheese sandwiches, English muffins with cream cheese and beer for the last year, so it's really not that unhealthy in comparison.  Right?

Here is the best part of my diet.  The five bananas - $2. Five egg rolls - $6.50. Five containers of cottage cheese - $11.50. Five Celeste Pizzas - $6.50.  Special Breakfasts - $5. Special Lunches - $7.  Special Dinners - $18. Weekly food bill is a measly $56.50.  An average of $8 a day....plus coffee!

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