I'm a going to start an ongoing blog and will update it about once or twice a week with the new qoutes and repost it on Facebook and Twitter. I wish I had done this years ago, especially for two years when I had this kid who every week said something so incredibly outrageous that even the other kids in the class couldn't wait for what he would say.
That being said, the all-time classic was when I was working at summer camp and I had just returned from a night off and was laying in bed. The kids were whispering and one kid said "Jon is really cool. He's like my dad. Only difference is my dad doesn't go out and get drunk every other night."
Week 1
Me: Nice to meet you I'm Jon Hopper.
Parent: I know I'm Nate's mother.
Me: Oh sorry, I knew you looked familiar.
Parent: Nate loved your class and talked about it all summer.
(Nate is not in my class this year)
Michael (1st Grade) (talking to his friends babysitter): I lost my jacket.
babysitter: You're mom is going to be angry.
Michael: I know, I lost it at recess on the bench.
Me: Michael, if you know where it is and when you lost it...it's not lost.
Michael: Oh yeah...I hope it's there tomorrow.
I read a kid's name and ask if he has brothers. He says yes. I ask how old they are. The boy responds 13 and 15. I tell him that I had his brothers in my kindergarten class 10 and 8 years ago. After the class I see his mother, who I was very friendly with and hadn't seen in three or four year. She barely waits to say hello and after all these years says "Oh, so sorry to hear about your Red Sox!" WTF?
Toby (Kindergarten): I have hockey practice after this. I don't know about you, but that's a long day.
Week 2
I'm going over the rules to a soccer game in which the kindergarten kids have to kick the soccer ball and knock down a bowling pin instead of into a goal. After explaining the rules I ask if anyone has any questions. Three kids raise their hands.
Alex: What happens if we knock the wrong pin over.
Me: The other team gets a point.
Jacob: What happens if we kick the pin over with our foot?
Me: If you knock your pin down, you have to put it back. If you knock the other pin over, the other team gets a point.
Darius: I have a pocket full of apple seads! Wanna See?
All the kids are getting picked up and one of the kids in the first class is in tennis class which immediately follows.
Spencer (K): (with a sad face) My mom isn't picking me up today....(then he screams) Because I have tennis!
One of my tennis kids has a younger brother who is in my first class.
Lee(3rd): Are you friends with my brother?
Me; He's in my class before tennis.
Lee: I know, so he's your friend, right?
Me: Of course, he's my friend!
Lee: Oh Good.
Week 3
I jokingly told a kid that he can eat his snack, but if he has Oreos he has to share them. He paused for a second split one in half and passed the halves to the kids sitting next to him. I told him I was kidding. He smiled and said "That's OK, they didn't have snack, I did."
Mom: Say thank you to Mr. Hopper.
Spencer (Kindergarten): That's not Mr. Hopper, that's Jon.
Adam (1sr Grade): You liked the Red Sox?
All the other kids: I hate the Red Sox.
Adam: I like the Mets, so I don't hate the Red Sox.
Me: Oh OK.
Adam: Who is your favorite team in the National League?
Me: The Phillies.
Adam: Do you hate New York? I hate the Red Sox!
Kindergarten kids mom: I told the older guys to come with me to say hello.
Me: Oh cool, where are they?
Mom: Oh they are HS'ers and they're lazy. They stayed home.
Lauren (3rd grade) talking about her sister Sydney (1st grade), five seconds after the golf instructor leaves the building.
Lauren: There are only going to be two of us today.
Me: Why?
Lauren: Sydney isn't coming today.
Me: Oh, that's too bad. Is she sick?
Lauren: Nope, she just doesn't want to come to tennis.
Me: Oh....(joking) That hurts my feelings.
Lauren: Oh, don't worry, she likes tennis, she just didn't want to come because she HATES golf.
Lauren: How long should it take us to pick up the tennis balls?
Me: No more than two minutes.
Lauren: How many more minutes are in the class?
Me: Seven or eight.
Lauren: (talking under her breath) I think it's gonna take more like seven or eight minutes.
Kindergartner (blanking on name): Are you married?
Me: No.
K: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No.
K: Did you have a girlfriend?
Me: Yes, but we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
K: What did you do?
Me: I didn't do anything.
K: (shaking his head) You did something or she wouldn't be someone else's girlfriend.
Me: How do you know I didn't break up with her.
Kid just looks at me, rolls his eyes and walks away.
I love the honesty and hate the fact that we are so transparent to children.
Week 4:
Going over rules for Wiffleball game for a class of 1st and 2nd graders
Me: There are 15 people, so one team will have eight and one will have seven.
2nd Grader: I want to be on the team with eight, because we'll have more players and be better.
1st Grader: I want to be on the team with seven, because I'll probably get to be at bat more.
Love the the two totally different mindsets.
Me: Close your eyes. What you just did...try to imagine you are swinging that way every time.
Spencer (K): Yeah, but my eyes were open when I hit the ball.
Me: I know, but pretend it was a dream and you're trying to remember it.
Spencer: OK...can I open my eyes now?
Next ball Spencer misses, then again, and again.
Me: OK, this dream went from you hitting the ball nicely to being eaten by sharks.
Spencer: Am I really going to be eaten by a shark?
Me: No, but pretend it's a dream and if you don't hit the ball the sharks will come.
Spencer: Why am I playing tennis in the water?
Max (K): I love you...I want to marry you.
Me: You can't marry me. I'm too old.
Max: No, I can't marry you because you're a man.
Me (taking a moment): Well, technically two men can get married, but you are a boy, not a man.
Max (and two other kids simultaneously): What does technically mean?
Me: It's kind of like "actually."
Max: So we can't technically get married?
Darius: You want to marry a man?
Max: No, I want to marry Jon.
Still coming to grips with this.
Me: You are getting your feet tangled like they are in fifth position.
Ella: How do you know ballet?
Me: I don't. I just know fifth position.
Ella: How would you know it if you didn't take ballet?
Me: I know it from my mom.
Ella: You know ballet.
Me: What are you going to be for Halloween?
Ram (K): I'm going to be a ninja!
Matar (K): I'm dressing up as an Astronaut! Trick or treating is Monday, but we're having a party on Sunday evening. I will ask my mom if you can be invited.
Week 5
Me: Guys, new rule. You can't eat snack in the auditorium.
In Unison (1st and s2nd graders): Where can we eat it?
Me: Either outside by the bench in the hallway or wait til we get to the gym and sit outside the door and eat it.
Matthew: Why can't we have snack in the auditorium?
Me: Matthew, do you even have snack?
Matthew: No, but I want to know anyway.
Me: Because there are ants in the auditorium now.
Matthew: So the ants won't come out to the bench if we eat there?
Me: I don't get it either, but that's the rule.
Jordan: I forgot to finish my snack. Do I have to go to the bench to eat it?
Me: No you can go outside of the gym and sit by the door.
Jordan: Outside in the cold?
Me: No, outside of the gym door. In the hallway.
Jordan: I don't know where that is.
Me: (pointing to the door about 15 feet away) There!
Zachary: Just let him go to the bench. Can we play now?
Sydney (2nd): Ewww, there's a funny sock on the ground.
Me: It's a glove, not a sock.
Sydney: It's a sock, there is no thumb.
Me: Then it's a sock for fingers.
I pick it up
Me: Ewww, it smells like stinky feet.
Sydney: Duh, it's a sock! Is it yours?
Me: The score is 9-8.
Sydney: Who is winning?
Me: The princesses.
Sydney: Oh.
Me: 9-9
Sydney: Who's winning now?
Me: It's 9-9!
Sydney: I know, who is winning:
Me: It's tied!
Sydney: sighs
Week 6
Jack (2nd grade): John, Zack's mom took my backpack when she picked him up. We have the same one and she took mine by mistake.
Me: They just left, see if they are outside.
Jack: Nope, I guess I'll take his and switch them tomorrow.
Me: That's a good idea, but wait, did you have any homework?
Jack: Ummmm, not anymore!
Week 7
Matthew (2nd): Jack hit me in the face with the ball.
Me: Haven't you been hitting each other all day?
Matthew: Yeah, but I asked him to stop this time.
Me: Jack, why did you hit Matthew after he asked you to stop?
Jack: Oh, that time? That time was an accident.
Sammy (K): I told her today I loved her.
Me: What?
Sammy: I didn't say anything to her.
Me: To Who
Sammy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Some of you guys did not behave very well in the auditorium.
Spencer (K): Did I misbehave?
Me: No Spencer, you didn't.
Spencer: OK. Just checking.
Me: Someone gave me hand cream that smells like cupcakes.
Jessica (2nd): It smells like coconut.
Samantha (4th): Smells like cupcake icing.
Luke (3rd): Ewww.
Spencer (K): It smells like yucky cupcakes.
Me: Yeah, not the kind you'd want to eat.
Samantha: Well it's not like they take hand cream and an actual blender and mix it together, because that wouldn't work.
Me: OK, Spencer you don't have to squeeze the racquet, but you have to hold it tight enough it doesn't fall out of your hand when you hit the ball.
Spencer: OK, Mom!
Me: Did you just call me Mom?
Spencer: Sometimes I call my Dad, Mom.
Matar (1st): I like your hair cut.
Me: Thank you. I did it myself.
Matar: Really? Did it hurt?
Week 8
Me: I just want to point out, that Jack did the best thing anyone who has ever been named captain can do. He made his teams batting order and batted himself last.
Jack (2nd): That's right, uh-huh, I'm cool.
Lee (3rd): Look Jon's doing the gym teacher walk.
Jessica (1st): What's the gym teacher walk?
Lee: That's where he walks across the gym really slow, so we pick up the balls before he gets back.
Week 9
Eli (2nd): I didn't think three teams would work, but Jon was right.
(Not sure): He always does that. Makes teams that are unfair and then the score is even.
Jason (2nd): Watching his mom and three other mothers having a conversation What the heck are they talking about?
Beckett (K): Are you a boy or a girl?
Me: A Boy!
Beckett: I figured. Just checking.
Week 10
Me: Jack, stop picking your nose.
Jack (2nd): I need to.
Me: Why do you need to?
Jack: It feels good.
Jordan: What time is it?
Me: Jordan why do you always ask what time it is, when there are two clocks in the gym?
Jordan: I want to know the time and how many minutes are left.
Me: Jordan we have a few minutes left. Please stop asking every week what time class is over.
Jordan: OK, so what time is it.
I ignore him and continue pitching
Adam: Jon, what time is it?
Me: 4:05.
Adam: Jordan, it's 4:05. We have ten minutes left.
Me: Thanks Adam.
Adam: (smirks) You're welcome, Jon.
Week 11
Jack (2): Do you like Theo?
Me: Of course.
Jack: What about oranges?
Dillon (K): Dillon Harris
Me: What about him?
Dillon: No.
Me: No what?
Dillon: I'm marking myself present.
Me: That's my job.
Dillon: Can I sit down now you're confusing me?
Sydney (1): How old are you, you're like a hundred.
Me: Guess.
Sydney: Duh, like a hundred.
Lauren: 50
Ella: I'm not guessing.
Me: I'm 41
Lauren: You're 41? My mom is 43 and you look a lot older than her.
Week 12
Dillon (K): Jon, can I go tell Julian to stop taking all the balls and putting them in his secret place?
Me: Sure
Dillon: I tried to tell him but he's wearing hearing aids and turned them off.
Me: What do you mean?
Dillon: He's pretending to turn his ears off.
Me: I bet her heard you though.
Dillon: OK......Jon, he didn't he's doing it again.
Me: Julian turn on your ears.
Julian: I can't hear you.
Dillon: I'm not playing!
Samantha (4): You shaved. You don't look old anymore.
Jessica (2): Yeah you look young.
Lee (3): Why did you shave?
Me: I wanted to look younger.
Samantha: Now you can get a girlfriend.
Attractive 20-something girl walks in to gym and asks if she can leave something with me
Samantha: See, it's working already!
Week 13
Me: Are you wearing cleats for tennis?
Ram (1): Yeah.
Me: I don't think you're supposed to wear those on the gym floor.
Ram: I donated my sneakers to a charity.
Me: Oh that is awesome. But now you don't have sneakers?
Ram: No, I do, my mother made me wear these.
Me: Ok, no tap dancing!
Matar (1): I'm wearing two different colored sneakers?
Me: Why?
Matar: Because I want to tap dance too!
Me: (to myself) WTF?
Week 14
Rowan (2): Is this the last class? Lolllipops!!!
Me: Only if you're good.
Rowan: You always say that and always give them to us.
Jason (2): Jon, you only gave me two by mistake.
Me: Oh, sorry Jason, here's another one.
Jason; Thanks
Eli (2): Jon, I think you forgot to give me three too.
Me: Yeah right, give me those two and I'll count them for you.
Eli: Two? I have....nevermind.
Me: Do any of you who had brothers or sisters in my classes remember what I give out the last day?
Max (K): Dead people?
Me: No, next guess:
Beck (K): Homework?
Me: No, I give out lollipops
Noah (K): Real ones?
Noah's Mom: Jon, last day, what happened to the blow pops?
Me: A mom complained about the gum years ago.
Noah's Mom: Are you (mouthing the words) fucking kidding me?
Dillon's Mom: Unreal. Parents!
That being said, the all-time classic was when I was working at summer camp and I had just returned from a night off and was laying in bed. The kids were whispering and one kid said "Jon is really cool. He's like my dad. Only difference is my dad doesn't go out and get drunk every other night."
Week 1
Me: Nice to meet you I'm Jon Hopper.
Parent: I know I'm Nate's mother.
Me: Oh sorry, I knew you looked familiar.
Parent: Nate loved your class and talked about it all summer.
(Nate is not in my class this year)
Michael (1st Grade) (talking to his friends babysitter): I lost my jacket.
babysitter: You're mom is going to be angry.
Michael: I know, I lost it at recess on the bench.
Me: Michael, if you know where it is and when you lost it...it's not lost.
Michael: Oh yeah...I hope it's there tomorrow.
I read a kid's name and ask if he has brothers. He says yes. I ask how old they are. The boy responds 13 and 15. I tell him that I had his brothers in my kindergarten class 10 and 8 years ago. After the class I see his mother, who I was very friendly with and hadn't seen in three or four year. She barely waits to say hello and after all these years says "Oh, so sorry to hear about your Red Sox!" WTF?
Toby (Kindergarten): I have hockey practice after this. I don't know about you, but that's a long day.
Week 2
I'm going over the rules to a soccer game in which the kindergarten kids have to kick the soccer ball and knock down a bowling pin instead of into a goal. After explaining the rules I ask if anyone has any questions. Three kids raise their hands.
Alex: What happens if we knock the wrong pin over.
Me: The other team gets a point.
Jacob: What happens if we kick the pin over with our foot?
Me: If you knock your pin down, you have to put it back. If you knock the other pin over, the other team gets a point.
Darius: I have a pocket full of apple seads! Wanna See?
All the kids are getting picked up and one of the kids in the first class is in tennis class which immediately follows.
Spencer (K): (with a sad face) My mom isn't picking me up today....(then he screams) Because I have tennis!
One of my tennis kids has a younger brother who is in my first class.
Lee(3rd): Are you friends with my brother?
Me; He's in my class before tennis.
Lee: I know, so he's your friend, right?
Me: Of course, he's my friend!
Lee: Oh Good.
Week 3
I jokingly told a kid that he can eat his snack, but if he has Oreos he has to share them. He paused for a second split one in half and passed the halves to the kids sitting next to him. I told him I was kidding. He smiled and said "That's OK, they didn't have snack, I did."
Mom: Say thank you to Mr. Hopper.
Spencer (Kindergarten): That's not Mr. Hopper, that's Jon.
Adam (1sr Grade): You liked the Red Sox?
All the other kids: I hate the Red Sox.
Adam: I like the Mets, so I don't hate the Red Sox.
Me: Oh OK.
Adam: Who is your favorite team in the National League?
Me: The Phillies.
Adam: Do you hate New York? I hate the Red Sox!
Kindergarten kids mom: I told the older guys to come with me to say hello.
Me: Oh cool, where are they?
Mom: Oh they are HS'ers and they're lazy. They stayed home.
Lauren (3rd grade) talking about her sister Sydney (1st grade), five seconds after the golf instructor leaves the building.
Lauren: There are only going to be two of us today.
Me: Why?
Lauren: Sydney isn't coming today.
Me: Oh, that's too bad. Is she sick?
Lauren: Nope, she just doesn't want to come to tennis.
Me: Oh....(joking) That hurts my feelings.
Lauren: Oh, don't worry, she likes tennis, she just didn't want to come because she HATES golf.
Lauren: How long should it take us to pick up the tennis balls?
Me: No more than two minutes.
Lauren: How many more minutes are in the class?
Me: Seven or eight.
Lauren: (talking under her breath) I think it's gonna take more like seven or eight minutes.
Kindergartner (blanking on name): Are you married?
Me: No.
K: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No.
K: Did you have a girlfriend?
Me: Yes, but we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
K: What did you do?
Me: I didn't do anything.
K: (shaking his head) You did something or she wouldn't be someone else's girlfriend.
Me: How do you know I didn't break up with her.
Kid just looks at me, rolls his eyes and walks away.
I love the honesty and hate the fact that we are so transparent to children.
Week 4:
Going over rules for Wiffleball game for a class of 1st and 2nd graders
Me: There are 15 people, so one team will have eight and one will have seven.
2nd Grader: I want to be on the team with eight, because we'll have more players and be better.
1st Grader: I want to be on the team with seven, because I'll probably get to be at bat more.
Love the the two totally different mindsets.
Me: Close your eyes. What you just did...try to imagine you are swinging that way every time.
Spencer (K): Yeah, but my eyes were open when I hit the ball.
Me: I know, but pretend it was a dream and you're trying to remember it.
Spencer: OK...can I open my eyes now?
Next ball Spencer misses, then again, and again.
Me: OK, this dream went from you hitting the ball nicely to being eaten by sharks.
Spencer: Am I really going to be eaten by a shark?
Me: No, but pretend it's a dream and if you don't hit the ball the sharks will come.
Spencer: Why am I playing tennis in the water?
Max (K): I love you...I want to marry you.
Me: You can't marry me. I'm too old.
Max: No, I can't marry you because you're a man.
Me (taking a moment): Well, technically two men can get married, but you are a boy, not a man.
Max (and two other kids simultaneously): What does technically mean?
Me: It's kind of like "actually."
Max: So we can't technically get married?
Darius: You want to marry a man?
Max: No, I want to marry Jon.
Still coming to grips with this.
Me: You are getting your feet tangled like they are in fifth position.
Ella: How do you know ballet?
Me: I don't. I just know fifth position.
Ella: How would you know it if you didn't take ballet?
Me: I know it from my mom.
Ella: You know ballet.
Me: What are you going to be for Halloween?
Ram (K): I'm going to be a ninja!
Matar (K): I'm dressing up as an Astronaut! Trick or treating is Monday, but we're having a party on Sunday evening. I will ask my mom if you can be invited.
Week 5
Me: Guys, new rule. You can't eat snack in the auditorium.
In Unison (1st and s2nd graders): Where can we eat it?
Me: Either outside by the bench in the hallway or wait til we get to the gym and sit outside the door and eat it.
Matthew: Why can't we have snack in the auditorium?
Me: Matthew, do you even have snack?
Matthew: No, but I want to know anyway.
Me: Because there are ants in the auditorium now.
Matthew: So the ants won't come out to the bench if we eat there?
Me: I don't get it either, but that's the rule.
Jordan: I forgot to finish my snack. Do I have to go to the bench to eat it?
Me: No you can go outside of the gym and sit by the door.
Jordan: Outside in the cold?
Me: No, outside of the gym door. In the hallway.
Jordan: I don't know where that is.
Me: (pointing to the door about 15 feet away) There!
Zachary: Just let him go to the bench. Can we play now?
Sydney (2nd): Ewww, there's a funny sock on the ground.
Me: It's a glove, not a sock.
Sydney: It's a sock, there is no thumb.
Me: Then it's a sock for fingers.
I pick it up
Me: Ewww, it smells like stinky feet.
Sydney: Duh, it's a sock! Is it yours?
Me: The score is 9-8.
Sydney: Who is winning?
Me: The princesses.
Sydney: Oh.
Me: 9-9
Sydney: Who's winning now?
Me: It's 9-9!
Sydney: I know, who is winning:
Me: It's tied!
Sydney: sighs
Week 6
Jack (2nd grade): John, Zack's mom took my backpack when she picked him up. We have the same one and she took mine by mistake.
Me: They just left, see if they are outside.
Jack: Nope, I guess I'll take his and switch them tomorrow.
Me: That's a good idea, but wait, did you have any homework?
Jack: Ummmm, not anymore!
Week 7
Matthew (2nd): Jack hit me in the face with the ball.
Me: Haven't you been hitting each other all day?
Matthew: Yeah, but I asked him to stop this time.
Me: Jack, why did you hit Matthew after he asked you to stop?
Jack: Oh, that time? That time was an accident.
Sammy (K): I told her today I loved her.
Me: What?
Sammy: I didn't say anything to her.
Me: To Who
Sammy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Some of you guys did not behave very well in the auditorium.
Spencer (K): Did I misbehave?
Me: No Spencer, you didn't.
Spencer: OK. Just checking.
Me: Someone gave me hand cream that smells like cupcakes.
Jessica (2nd): It smells like coconut.
Samantha (4th): Smells like cupcake icing.
Luke (3rd): Ewww.
Spencer (K): It smells like yucky cupcakes.
Me: Yeah, not the kind you'd want to eat.
Samantha: Well it's not like they take hand cream and an actual blender and mix it together, because that wouldn't work.
Me: OK, Spencer you don't have to squeeze the racquet, but you have to hold it tight enough it doesn't fall out of your hand when you hit the ball.
Spencer: OK, Mom!
Me: Did you just call me Mom?
Spencer: Sometimes I call my Dad, Mom.
Matar (1st): I like your hair cut.
Me: Thank you. I did it myself.
Matar: Really? Did it hurt?
Week 8
Me: I just want to point out, that Jack did the best thing anyone who has ever been named captain can do. He made his teams batting order and batted himself last.
Jack (2nd): That's right, uh-huh, I'm cool.
Lee (3rd): Look Jon's doing the gym teacher walk.
Jessica (1st): What's the gym teacher walk?
Lee: That's where he walks across the gym really slow, so we pick up the balls before he gets back.
Week 9
Eli (2nd): I didn't think three teams would work, but Jon was right.
(Not sure): He always does that. Makes teams that are unfair and then the score is even.
Jason (2nd): Watching his mom and three other mothers having a conversation What the heck are they talking about?
Beckett (K): Are you a boy or a girl?
Me: A Boy!
Beckett: I figured. Just checking.
Week 10
Me: Jack, stop picking your nose.
Jack (2nd): I need to.
Me: Why do you need to?
Jack: It feels good.
Jordan: What time is it?
Me: Jordan why do you always ask what time it is, when there are two clocks in the gym?
Jordan: I want to know the time and how many minutes are left.
Me: Jordan we have a few minutes left. Please stop asking every week what time class is over.
Jordan: OK, so what time is it.
I ignore him and continue pitching
Adam: Jon, what time is it?
Me: 4:05.
Adam: Jordan, it's 4:05. We have ten minutes left.
Me: Thanks Adam.
Adam: (smirks) You're welcome, Jon.
Week 11
Jack (2): Do you like Theo?
Me: Of course.
Jack: What about oranges?
Dillon (K): Dillon Harris
Me: What about him?
Dillon: No.
Me: No what?
Dillon: I'm marking myself present.
Me: That's my job.
Dillon: Can I sit down now you're confusing me?
Sydney (1): How old are you, you're like a hundred.
Me: Guess.
Sydney: Duh, like a hundred.
Lauren: 50
Ella: I'm not guessing.
Me: I'm 41
Lauren: You're 41? My mom is 43 and you look a lot older than her.
Week 12
Dillon (K): Jon, can I go tell Julian to stop taking all the balls and putting them in his secret place?
Me: Sure
Dillon: I tried to tell him but he's wearing hearing aids and turned them off.
Me: What do you mean?
Dillon: He's pretending to turn his ears off.
Me: I bet her heard you though.
Dillon: OK......Jon, he didn't he's doing it again.
Me: Julian turn on your ears.
Julian: I can't hear you.
Dillon: I'm not playing!
Samantha (4): You shaved. You don't look old anymore.
Jessica (2): Yeah you look young.
Lee (3): Why did you shave?
Me: I wanted to look younger.
Samantha: Now you can get a girlfriend.
Attractive 20-something girl walks in to gym and asks if she can leave something with me
Samantha: See, it's working already!
Week 13
Me: Are you wearing cleats for tennis?
Ram (1): Yeah.
Me: I don't think you're supposed to wear those on the gym floor.
Ram: I donated my sneakers to a charity.
Me: Oh that is awesome. But now you don't have sneakers?
Ram: No, I do, my mother made me wear these.
Me: Ok, no tap dancing!
Matar (1): I'm wearing two different colored sneakers?
Me: Why?
Matar: Because I want to tap dance too!
Me: (to myself) WTF?
Week 14
Rowan (2): Is this the last class? Lolllipops!!!
Me: Only if you're good.
Rowan: You always say that and always give them to us.
Jason (2): Jon, you only gave me two by mistake.
Me: Oh, sorry Jason, here's another one.
Jason; Thanks
Eli (2): Jon, I think you forgot to give me three too.
Me: Yeah right, give me those two and I'll count them for you.
Eli: Two? I have....nevermind.
Me: Do any of you who had brothers or sisters in my classes remember what I give out the last day?
Max (K): Dead people?
Me: No, next guess:
Beck (K): Homework?
Me: No, I give out lollipops
Noah (K): Real ones?
Noah's Mom: Jon, last day, what happened to the blow pops?
Me: A mom complained about the gum years ago.
Noah's Mom: Are you (mouthing the words) fucking kidding me?
Dillon's Mom: Unreal. Parents!
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