Sunday, April 10, 2016

It Would Have Been Her Happiest Day

This Friday, my niece was born. I received the message via text, with a picture attached. I cried. I was so overcome with happiness, I couldn't contain it. Later that day, I finally spoke to my brother and he told me all was well. He is not close enough for me to see this wonderful addition and with the way we've all become robots to technology, I've not even spoken to my sister-in-law yet. Everything has been through our phones, but very few voices have been heard and I am anxious to hear her coos and giggles, cries and sighs. It will, I imagine, melt my heart.

Yesterday, I had a different feeling and it shook me; physically. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready for how it came upon me. Someone mentioned their parents "not being ready to be grandparents" yet and I laughed, told them they have time and went down to make myself some lunch. As I sat in the kitchen, I thought about my brother and his wife, staring in wonder at the life they created and the sadness came over me. That very moment, would have been the greatest day of her my mother's life. Better than her wedding, the birth of my brother and I (both adopted, so she couldn't give us that guilt trip) and anything else. My brother's graduation from college is what kept her alive as long as she was. I'm still convinced of this. The thought of her picking this little girl up and never ever wanting to put her down, made me quite sad. I felt dizzy, couldn't eat and decided to lay down.

I think about how my grandmothers, for all their faults, loved my brother and I so completely and unconditionally. No matter how much we took their presence, or presents, for granted, they loved us more the next time they saw us. My mother wouldn't have been able to hide this. Anything this child needed, my mother would have given her and without ever thinking of the sacrifices. Much like she gave to my brother and I, despite pain, both physical and emotional, she'd have done anything for this child. I'm not one who believes she is looking down or has a hand in the future, but I just hope, that one day, I am in a position, to give this child a fraction of the love she would have received from my mother. I wish I could do everything with even a hint of the love my mother did things with. It won't ever be the same, but for her, for both of them, I'll try.

Friday, April 1, 2016

March 2016 Movies

  1. Room - Cliche driven, poorly written script can't be saved by wonderful acting. 
  2. Bedevilled - Korean drama/horror works in many ways, but that ending really bothered me.
  3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier - shockingly bad, after solid first film. 
  4. The Trial - Welles' adaptation of Kafka novel as metaphor for Nazi Germany. Perkins shines.
  5. Last Shift - Underrated horror flick, with very solid performance by star and unnerving tension.
  6. Indigenous - Panama Jungle meets The Descent. Yep! Aside from good looking women, a dud.
  7. Criminal Minds: Season 9 - Repetitive, but character development and chemistry is its charm.
  8. Macbeth - Poorly adapted script and too much scenery, makes play lose all play quality.
  9. Crimson Peak - First complete letdown from Del Toro. One of the worst movies I've ever seen.
  10. Hannibal Buress: Comedy Camisado - Very slow start, but the last 20 minutes is hilarious. 
  11. The Tribe - Sign language...no subtitles. One of the most bizarre films ever. Troubling.
  12. Up - Emotionally charged for Pixar film, but the guts of it were lacking. 
  13. Memories of the Sword - Typical plot in genre, but stunningly beautiful final 30 minutes.
  14. Black Mass - Depp's best role since Fear and Loathing, adds to strong cast delivering.
  15. The Big Short - One of the finest adapted screenplays ever. Funny, brilliant and true - scary.
  16. Dead Friend (The Ghost) - Korean horror lacks rhythm. The frenetic ending doesn't work.
  17. Carol - Todd Haynes directs Blanchett and Mara to near perfection. Subtle power!
  18. Trumbo - Couldn't finish. Arguably one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Cranston is awful.
  19. Avalanche Sharks - Absolutely idiotic, but some truly funny lines, especially towards the end. 
  20. Floating Weeds - Ozu remakes his own and excels in using color to bring it to life.
  21. He Never Died - Henry Rollins as Cain. Sounds interesting and it is, for about 15 minutes.
  22. Twenty-Four Eyes - Japanese tale of teacher's effect on children and theirs on her. Powerful.
  23. Spotlight - Oscar winner delivers, but few too many soft touches, where I wanted more. 
  24. Black House - Korean horror takes over an hour to deliver any chills. Waste of time.
  25. Captive - Mara and Oyelowo do their best, but they are working with a thin plan. Fails!
  26. Stranger By The Lake - French erotic thriller, with lots of gay sex and very little plot. Dud!
  27. Suffragette - Starts solidly, but falls apart. No passion from female director and writer.
  28. Circle - Clever horror/thriller takes serious look at prejudice, with possibly bigger implications.
  29. The Hateful Eight - Tarantino's worst movie to date and a complete clunker. Zero good to say.
  30. Legend - Tom Hardy plays dual role as the Kray Brothers. Needed more Browning and mum.
  31. Cowspiracy - Solid, frustrating documentary that looks at the food industries scary power.
Top Three: Twenty-Four Eyes, The Big Short, Carol
Bottom Three: Crimson Peak, The Hateful Eight, Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Biggest Surprise: Black Mass
Biggest Letdown: TIE - Crimson Peak and The Hateful Eight