Saturday, November 30, 2013

Things I Don't Have An Answer For After This Week - Some That Know The Truth Will Find This Funny

Sorry, I had to do it.  You guys know me, I'm an open book.  Since Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day it took place, the feedback I've been getting (remember, I'm blocked, I can't "stalk") has been hilarious. The people who have jumped on the bash Hopper bandwagon are a collection of people I wouldn't piss on in a fire.  And the one's who have made comments about this person have done so privately and without any contempt.  They truly feel sorry for this sad person who obviously got so much more out of our debates than I did.  That being said, I'll miss the banter, when it was kept on topic, but this person always made it personal, then ran screaming and crying when the personal attacks were rebutted. Despite his religious claims of holding no anger in his heart, anyone who read his posts, especially his comments on web pages, knows he is filled with hate and rage.  I on the other hand, do not believe in God, do not believe in this internal goodness in all and I'm sitting back loving the fact that this act (of his) has left him so disoriented.  As he was apt to do, he would repeat my pleas to him, thinking he was being clever, but I mean it when I hope life turns for him and he can find that happiness he's obviously not getting from the places most of us turn.  I sincerely mean that, but hey, it's me, so I'm going to have fun with this while I can.  Sorry. If anyone views this as don't have to read it, but just realize all my comments, my statements and my (haha) "threats" were reactions, not actions.

If someone is proven wrong by the same person over and over, with empirical, historical, scientific and mathematical data, does it make them correct if they one of their best friends "likes" it on Facebook.

If someone threatens you and you ignore them, but then when you tell someone else who is friends with the one who did the threatening, is that a threat?

If someone unfriends you on Facebook, then bashes you ten seconds later, but adds the comment "I heard he's been slandering me" does that instantly make that person classy?

If the person who bad mouths you gets high praise from people who are addicted to cocaine, who can't spell and who are part of religious cults, does that mean their words hold more weight than say those who are on your side, who choose the high road and don't comment or like?

If someone whose occupation relies on the ability to do math properly, but can't understand basic mathematical data that you supply them during a debate, is it wrong that you choose not to refer your friends to them for business?

If someones religious beliefs contradict the meanings in their religious books, yet they preach about your ignorance, who is the one who is ignorant?

If someone says they only stayed friends with you because they believed you were suicidal and then they unfriend you, does that mean they think you are healed?

If someone tells you how miserable you are and how happy they are, why are they the ones not smiling in pictures with their families during wonderful moments, yet I smile even in times of stress?

If someone tells you the only reason you debate people is to boost your ego, yet they are the one that starts the debate, is that a riddle or a conundrum?

If someone says all you write is lies, then why would they bother with you for so long?

If someone claims to have an IQ of 130, yet doesn't know the basic concept of the argument THEY brought up, would you believe that person?

If the person who unfriended you writes things with such malice and cheers on those in agreement, but you speak about it with laughter and sarcasm, who really lost out on the "friendship?"

If someone likes the Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys, shouldn't we just feel sorry for them and accept that there is something wrong with them?

Black Friday 2013 - A Reflection Of Society & Many I Know

In my entire life I've never wanted a gift more than time with my family during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving.  Even the thought that one of my family members would give up free family time to wrestle for toys, clothes and other items, slightly sickens me.  Throughout my life, I've been very happy for all that I've had and never wanted for anything more.  I've wanted to give more, but never once have I craved an item to fulfill my life.  Not even as a child.  When I was younger, I asked for one thing every year.  A new Nerf football.  That was my Christmas/Hanukkah list every year.

While glimpsing at the news on my phone and reading of bomb threats, brawls and alleged shootings, it saddened me that in my brief life, the world has become such a materialistic place.  Every morning Facebook sickens me with pics and posts of engagement rings, new cars, vacation spots and other shows of decadence, while millions can't even put a tuna sandwich and a salad on the table.  Clean water is a luxury for so many humans on this planet, yet I'm inundated with demands to donate to the life of a dog.  When did we become this way?

On Thanksgiving and the following day, now dubbed Black Friday, I passed by no less than five homeless people.  The frigid air made my heart sink as one older gentleman pushed a shopping cart along the side of a long road.  Where was he going?  Was a turkey dinner in his future?  What was his story?  It truly saddened me to see this man with all his life's belongings fitting into a tiny cart, while others threw punches over an Xbox.  Kids are getting dumber. They are growing up with health problems from lack of activity.  They lack the life and social skills required to survive and more and more of them will end up like that poor man on the side of the road.  Where was his family? 

Poverty has always been a problem in this country, but with the increase in size and the lack of jobs, it's becoming overrun with those in need.  For the past two or three years, I've gone without gift giving.  It pains me to spend money on a "thing" when the meaning of the season is togetherness.  I don't pretend to suffer this time of year.  I'm warm, I eat well and I enjoy it thoroughly, but experience and age has made me realize that a tangible item isn't what happiness is about. It's not what anything is about.  Religions of all types ask us not to covet materials, yet those who call themselves devout smother themselves the most.  They ask us to give of our riches and help those less fortunate, yet in our capitalist society, we've lost that mindset.

Black Friday came and went. Many, including those I call friends, joined the masses.  Many did not.  Many viewed the charade for what it was.  Many spent quality time with those who they've been too busy to do so with.  Many traveled home from Thanksgiving celebrations and others just played games and sat around and enjoyed each other's company.

Maybe I'm being reflective too early, but it's funny how those who have turned against me over the past year or two all have one thing in common.  They are all controlled and manipulated by the almighty dollar.  They all claim to have Jesus in their lives, but know not the meaning of his words.  They all also have put me down for my lack of greed, wealth and accumulation of items.  They brag about their dinners out, their shows, their cars, homes and their wonderful jobs.  They all, without exception, have asked me to compare myself to them in the way they see themselves and then belittle me, but they are all empty.  They all have the same things lacking.  They lack the same closeness I have with my immediate family.  They take for granted those members and make excuses for them.  They see their material life as a symbol of success, but I know these people and they never smile.  They never take joy out of the little things in life.  Their lives are consumed with comparison and envy of that one thing that can't achieve. 

This year, I'm thankful, I'm not like any of them.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Quickie Review - Bullhead

The description on Netflix was very misleading, but despite the sometimes muddled subplot, the movie is powerful beyond expectations. Matthias Schonhaerts is magnificent as the brooding lead. His scenes spent alone are chilling, especially those spent in his inner sanctum, a bathroom equipped with as mini fridge. The entire story is really about three characters plagued with inner demons caused by one horrid event. One it has changed so drastically he becomes the one thing he never wanted to be, one fights regret and her disdain for the men she views as animals and the other fights cowardice, with possibly another hidden secret. The pain they each feel is displayed perfectly. The subplot that attempts to tie the movie together waivers at times, but it is just a vehicle to allow the real story to come together. The devotion Schonaerts showed the role was amazing and shines through. The film is also beautifully shot which adds so much to the picture. While the subplot sometimes masks the real story, it's definitely worth seeing for some incredible acting.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Insomnia Isn't Just Not Sleeping

Insomnia is dreaming while you're awake.
Insomnia is dozing off for seconds that feel like forever.
Insomnia is hearing the hum of the refrigerator like a marching band's drum.
Insomnia is feeling your eyelids
Insomnia is the painful awareness of time
Insomnia is fear of schedules.
Insomnia is heightened sensory perception
Insomnia is thinking about the phone bill 30 times in 30 minutes.
Insomnia is having that mistake played over constantly.
Insomnia is knowing how often you pee.
Insomnia is constant thirst.
Insomnia is pain, itchiness and general discomfort.
Insomnia is the neighbors dog, cat or late night footsteps.
Insomnia is worrying that even if you do fall asleep, it won't be enough.
Insomnia is never being tired, but never being awake.
Insomnia is what keeps you going, until it tears you down.
Insomnia is waking up in a strange place, only to find it is home.

Quickie Review - Frances Ha

I grew up with Noah Baumbach during the 4th through 8th grade and have enjoyed his vision. His realistic dialogue, captures the characters insecurities, their strengths and their quirkiness. It's easy to dismiss Frances Ha as another hipster love story, but that would be to dismiss Miss Gerwig's incredible performance. To call her a lovable loser would also be dismissive. To give up on your dreams, even more importantly, what brings you happiness, just in order to "be an adult" is heartbreaking. Gerwig is so effective and controls every scene with the mastery of a seasoned vet. Three scenes stick out, but the ATM scene was masterful. Her expression, her defeated look and her resolve, took a moment in everyone's life we take for granted and makes it a major life decision. Amazing to see a nuanced film with such incredible performances from relative unknowns.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Been A While

Almost a month since my last blog. Haven't really been feeling it recently. Don't want my reality to be misconstrued as negativity. The reality is that life's getting harder to deal with. The physical pain is causing mental pain, more in the form of anxiety. Sleep is once again foreign, unless some serious sedatives are in order, but that is causing its own issues.  I'm treading water, but the weather seems to be getting worse and the waves getting bigger. Staying afloat is more of a chore than a mission, or act of survival.

With movies, my kids and a smaller handful of friends than usual, I keep my ahead above the tide. Sometimes it seems useless as the inevitable is bound to happen. I find solace in knowing those around me are well, or at least better off, but they need to be. Others count on their strength and survival.

The walls I've talked about pressing in seem tighter. The metaphor isn't really one at all, as the space that confines me seems more like a cell than a home these days. I sit outside now, gasping for air, waiting for the next hurdle. We all have them, I've just let them accumulate like some crazed outdoor maze.

Will the cheese be at the end or will I find myself lost? We'll see.