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Showing posts from August, 2009

Texting (and other things we shouldn't do drunk)

AAAHHHH Technology, you manipulative creature you. So many of us caved to your offerings only to be led down an inglorious path of confusion, amnesia and apologies. On the one hand, we love our ability to press one button and have our target answer in only seconds. The Internet, Facebook, blackberries, itouch, utouch, we all touch, and then the ramifications. I speak of course of drunken messages. I believe Colonel Kurtz said it best "the horror, the horror."

Is there anything worse than waking on a weekend morning, the shaking hands, the cold sweat, the ringing in your ears and the pounding headache. You reach for your phone and see One Unread Text Message. You question yourself and you think "who the hell was texting ME?" or "Oh no, who did I text last night?" You try to calculate the amount of alcohol divided by the hours spent out and come up with some equation that even John Nash of A Beautiful Mind couldn't figure. You reluctantly press the butto…

Even More Random Thoughts

Why is it when a female says "age is just a number" it's sexy and mysterious, but when a guy says it, it's a felony?

I only think dogs are man's best friend if there's some Skippy involved.

How many people do you think died when crosswalks were invented?

They say misery loves company, but so does happiness. I know nothing gives me more joy than telling someone who thinks they have it good, I have it better.

I once got in trouble with a police officer, but he was a vice versa cop, so I arrested him.

Next time you have the right of way and the other person has a yield sign, think very quickly of how many people you know can give a clear definition of the word yield.

An older woman who likes younger men is called a cougar. An older man who likes a younger woman is called a dog. And two older people that like each other are called Alzheimer patients.

I hate cliches. The next time you're on a date and it's not going so well, if your date says "look at the ti…

Yahoo Search Engine

Universal health care, Korea's nuclear weapons, Obama's attempts to right a sinking economy, a cure for cancer and many other diseases. These are all very important topics on every one's minds right now, so when I signed on to Yahoo this morning and checked out their "popular searches" section it made complete sense to see the top search was "Angela Lansbury." Angela Lansbury? WTF? Actually the letters WTF make more sense as a popular search than Angela Lansbury. While middle America is trying to figure out what happened to Jessica Fletcher, Kim Jong-il will be working on a little project called Mass Murder, He wrote. By the way, if you google him, and you start with Kim, he is not the first Kim to come up. That of course, is Kim Kardashian, who if it weren't for the fact she is dumb as rocks, has a sex tape and a ridiculous reality series would probably be my dream girl. If I was in the sex tape, well I'd get past the other two items.

So white t…

We're all fat and dumb

OK, I'm overweight, so I do not have to apologize for calling people fat and dumb. OK, dumb, I might have a problem with, but c'mon, most people you know aren't that bright. This isn't a blanket statement, this is a direct slap in the face of gas and fast food. About an hour ago, I ran out, put a little over five gallons of gas in my car and ordered the Triple Whopper Meal with medium fries and a medium soda. $25 total. I started thinking about how silly this was. Sure it was a nice easy meal and while I do not frequent fast food places often, I do like Burger King. Especially the Whoppers. Maybe it's because it has my name in it, who knows?

Well I finished my tasty high caloric meal and started looking at my e-mail and came across this week's supermarket circular. Then I started to think. I'm within three blocks of Stop & Shop and I could have walked there and back. Not far, but hey, a little exercise. More than the burn I get from pressing the brake pe…

I said too much!

In my life, I've said lots of things, both silly and meaningful. I've given good and bad advice. I've given my opinion when it's wanted, and more often when it wasn't. I've told people my political views, and explained why theirs is wrong. I've wrestled people's minds over religion and whatever the opposite is (reality?). I've had heart to hearts and I've probably bullshitted my way through some things. I've told people I loved them and told many more I hated them. Some I've told both.

This week, though I've known it to be true before, I realized that I have said too much. It appears that merely speaking my mind has cost me greatly. I did not say anything bad. I just said too many things, too mnay times. I didn't heed a warning, because my heart felt like it should open up. I said too much and now all might be lost. To lose something for opening up, for being honest, is a difficult thing. I don't know how to learn from this ex…

Five Things I've Recently Learned From Facebook

1. Despite most of my Facebook friends being Republicans, moaning and groaning about Obama and the economy (which makes about as much sense as blaming sickle cell anemia for Michael Jackson's death...take a minute to think about that one) it seems everyone on Facebook has gone on vacation for at least a week. I on the other hand have not. The people who haven't gone away are generally those horrible liberals who have backed this current administration. As I sit here feeling deathly ill, waiting for some sort of relief, I have heard nothing but town hall meetings describing the horrors of this "socialist" health care reform. If you're a civil servant or a teacher you have great health care provided for you at a fraction of the cost, so please keep your voices down, we're not taking anything away from you. My point is, the ones complaining are the haves and the ones who aren't are the have-nots. I'd say that the United States in a functioning irony, but…

Asian Cinema

As many know, I am obsessed with movies. It seems I know so many who won't watch movies that aren't in color or, even worse, watch foreign movies. I refuse to watch foreign movies without subtitles. I find when a movie is dubbed, I spend more time watching the person's lips than paying attention to the rest of the movie. You'd be surprised how little, if any, you miss reading the subtitles.

In recent years I have watched tons of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean horror films. Nearly every American horror film that has been made in the last ten years is a remake of an Asian classic. The Ring, The Eye, and the Grudge were all poorer remakes of Asian cinema.

Sure there are classics from other countries. One thing foreign movies seem to all have in common is a slow climb to an incredible climax. Asian films just do it better. Not all are top notch. I wouldn't even say all are in my favorites, but they all possess something that left an imprint on me.

When I first saw The Kill…

Observations in NYC

This past Saturday, I went down to NYC for my brother's bachelor party. It wasn't the typical party that took place in a strip club or a bar's private room. It was a small group, the groomsmen, getting together for drinks and some food. A quiet affair, but we chose to do it in NYC so we'd have more options. While there, I noticed a few things.

The first thing I noticed is the smell. As someone who lives in Westchester in a relatively nice area, I gotta say. NYC has an odor, almost like a locker room to it. It's unbearably muggy and between the exhaust from the ridiculous amounts of cars and the massive amounts of people. It just has a lingering stench about it.

Cost of a drinks. The first place I went to charged me $7.50 for a Corona and the second charged $8 for a Harp and $8 for a shot of Wild Turkey. I had been in the city for 20 minutes and I'd spent $30 for three drinks after tipping. That's usually two hours in Westchester. Maybe three if you're luc…

The Dream

Under a mountainous comforter, we lay. Our limbs gently intertwined, like the roots of an ancient tree. The cool air chills my shoulders. I squeeze tighter. The heat from her body warms me. I am soothed by the sound of her breathing and her hands around me. The morning sun illuminates her face. I stare in awe at her radiance and the calm look on her face. I'm overcome with my own feeling of serenity. I smile, then lean forward to kiss her head. She is gone.

Ten Random Things People Might Not Know About Me

1. I'm adopted. Was born in Hollywood, Florida. I know nothing about my biological parents other than the fact that, according to my father, their last name was McInerney and I am Irish and German. Which explains my love for sauerbraten and drinking.

2. I skipped third grade because I was really smart. I got left back in tenth, because I wasn't as smart as I thought. Apparently 43 days of school attendance isn't enough to pass. School was always weird for me. I failed 11th grade English thanks to my teacher hating me. I passed the class though when I got a 99% on the English regents. Guess that pissed her off because I had her again as a senior and she failed me again. Summer school as a senior. WOW!

3. As stated in my earlier post. I once kissed Jennifer Connolly at a party when we were 13. I'm almost positive she has not told as many people as I have. Yes she was hot back then too.

4. I have had two relationships that have lasted about 6-7 years. Both ladies are happily…

Me and John Hughes

Last night, as I arrived home from watching a baseball game, I flipped on my computer and saw these words: John Hughes, Dead, 59. It took a minute for it to register and then a wave of emotion poured over me. I was truly upset. For me, John Hughes was that surrogate parent who understood where I was in my life. His teen classics coincided with my teenage years and I felt like I had lost someone very near and dear to me. I was surprised at how much it affected me.

As I entered my 13th year in the summer of 1983, my hormones were racing and John Hughes had his first really big hit, Vacation. Everyone that has seen Vacation knows it's a funny movie, but for many boys, Christie Brinkley was that first crush (my apologies to Phoebe Cates). I guess it says something about growing older, that when I watch it now, while Brinkley is still dazzling, I have a larger spot in my heart for the buxom Beverly D'Angelo. Soon after, Hughes career took off from here with numerous movies about te…

Wakes

Tonight was my recently, or was it long-time ex-girlfriend's grandmother's wake, I'm still not sure when exactly we decided we weren't going out. Now I'm sure she doesn't believe me, but in fact I did intend to go. A lack of sleep, a long day, and the weather played it's part in my hour long nap turning into a 3 1/2 hour nap. Ironically, that's more than I usually get at night. So it was much needed. I feel sorry, I didn't make it, because I think it reflects badly on me. I am caring and sensitive, but it will be seen in one way, because she knows, I don't do wakes.

Here's my feeling about wakes (and I hope that the person who recently lost someone does not take this in any way personally). Wakes are a gathering of people paying respect and admiration for someone they didn't find time to do in life. I know that sounds harsh, but I try and do things with people while they are alive, rather than turn up to watch them laid out, utter some ki…

A Letter to July

Dear July,

You really kicked my emotional ass. You started off with the Fourth of July. A nice affair, sitting on a rooftop, drinking and eating well. Ending with some fireworks, whose fizzling out should have tipped me to what was ahead. You brought my birthday, which wasn't extraordinary, but the well wishes I received were quite nice and appreciated. Your mild weather cost me days at work. You made a friend betray me. You then turned on me and brought on a week like no other. The anniversary of my mother's passing, my good, if not best friend's child having surgery, and the demise of my relationship. You brought me closer to someone who has become a good friend, who has had quite the hectic month them self, but you then ended the month by taking the life of my ex's grandmother. Thankfully, she went peacefully.

As the month rolled on and on, I wondered what I had done wrong. I wondered how my birthday month could be so incredibly lousy. Was this some punishment for an …