AAAHHHH Technology, you manipulative creature you. So many of us caved to your offerings only to be led down an inglorious path of confusion, amnesia and apologies. On the one hand, we love our ability to press one button and have our target answer in only seconds. The Internet, Facebook, blackberries, itouch, utouch, we all touch, and then the ramifications. I speak of course of drunken messages. I believe Colonel Kurtz said it best "the horror, the horror."
Is there anything worse than waking on a weekend morning, the shaking hands, the cold sweat, the ringing in your ears and the pounding headache. You reach for your phone and see One Unread Text Message. You question yourself and you think "who the hell was texting ME?" or "Oh no, who did I text last night?" You try to calculate the amount of alcohol divided by the hours spent out and come up with some equation that even John Nash of A Beautiful Mind couldn't figure. You reluctantly press the buttons and see or hear I'M SLEEPING or PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE or the dreaded YOUR DRUNK, WE'LL TALK IN THE MORNING. Your mind races trying to figure out why you called this person at 2:45am. You tell yourself it was a weekend, they were probably out themselves. Then you try and remember if you were told they had something important to do and you woke them up. Then you wait, praying they don't call. Then they don't. Oh my goodness you think, what the hell did I say. Chances are it was some incoherent babble of you gushing out your emotions. To the receiver, it's a garbled mass of confusion and intoxication with a little dash of horniness.
I've been guilty of this crime in recent days. I have made this mistake via calls, via texts, via e-mails, and via Facebook messaging. I've done it sober too, which makes it all the more horrible. Friends have returned the favor in recent times and I realize the levels of annoyance this causes. Many times these messages can be catastrophic. I once wrote a three typed page e-mail to an old boss explaining to him why he was an asshole. I awoke with no way to unsend and no way to change my words. All of the e-mail was true, but that was besides the point. We then met at a restaurant for drinks and he had outlined his favorite parts. I cowered slightly at first, ashamed at my actions, but as the conversation grew, I backed my words with ferocity. The outcome was a raise and a promise not to e-mail anymore. A trade off I felt was more than a favorable in this duel. I learned a lesson that day about honesty and alcohol. They don't always mix.
Last night a good friend wanted to show me the shoe (She has two legs, but decided on sending a pic of one of the shoes) she had bought. They were quite a sexy shoe, enticing even to those not into podophilia. They were the kind of shoe that usually accompanies a pole, a g-string, and the blaring sound of Pour Some Sugar on Me. My friend was proud of her shoe, so she sent me a pix message. Apparently, in the confusion a number was inverted or some other mistake was made. The picture went out, but the receiver was not me. Minutes later, a message returned - slightly lewd and very interested. What are the chances in this crazy world we live in, that an inadvertent misdial could result in contact with a foot connoisseur. My panic stricken friend quickly called to confirm my receipt of her text, only to be saddened by the news that her fetish inducing heel had reached another destination. Laughter ensued, but the reality was, this pedicure loving person had her phone number and her shoe. This to her was more embarrassing than a mall Santa (kindly do not ask). She awoke to multiple calls from the strange aficionado of feet. She know lives in fear, afraid to step foot outside in anything with an open toe.
So how do we curb this desire for immediate contact when alcohol is clearly calling the shots? Do we leave our phones at home. Do our computers get unplugged? Should there be some sort of breathalyzer device that activates our technological devices? Just being careful isn't enough. How often has someone said "I only live two blocks away," only to find their car on their neighbors lawn? I think the biggest problem is the divided thought. You make your bold statement at 2:45 and then at 2:47 you forgot to mention something. This results in another call. This process repeats itself and usually ends up with you crying or saying something so outlandish that you seem crazy. A good friend will pick the phone up, speak with you for those few seconds and wait til tomorrow to let you know that you're indeed a jackass. The texting and e-mails are what kill us. They start with one incoherent thought and turn into some sort of thesis on love (or in many instances lust). The outpouring of emotion is in direct proportion to the over pouring of booze that has recently taken place. So maybe that is the answer. The next time you have gone to far and you've said, texted, or e-mailed someone a message at hours not known for wise decisions. The next time you receive that angry next morning call from the recipient. The next time this happens. Advise them to speak to the bartender who got you to that point. Have them explain why it was necessary for you to tell them at 4am that they have the most beautiful smile, the cutest laugh, or the nicest ass. Have them explain why this conversation had to take place at that hour and not the next morning. I'm sure, regardless of how taken back they are, their answer will be a hell of a lot better than yours.
Is there anything worse than waking on a weekend morning, the shaking hands, the cold sweat, the ringing in your ears and the pounding headache. You reach for your phone and see One Unread Text Message. You question yourself and you think "who the hell was texting ME?" or "Oh no, who did I text last night?" You try to calculate the amount of alcohol divided by the hours spent out and come up with some equation that even John Nash of A Beautiful Mind couldn't figure. You reluctantly press the buttons and see or hear I'M SLEEPING or PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE or the dreaded YOUR DRUNK, WE'LL TALK IN THE MORNING. Your mind races trying to figure out why you called this person at 2:45am. You tell yourself it was a weekend, they were probably out themselves. Then you try and remember if you were told they had something important to do and you woke them up. Then you wait, praying they don't call. Then they don't. Oh my goodness you think, what the hell did I say. Chances are it was some incoherent babble of you gushing out your emotions. To the receiver, it's a garbled mass of confusion and intoxication with a little dash of horniness.
I've been guilty of this crime in recent days. I have made this mistake via calls, via texts, via e-mails, and via Facebook messaging. I've done it sober too, which makes it all the more horrible. Friends have returned the favor in recent times and I realize the levels of annoyance this causes. Many times these messages can be catastrophic. I once wrote a three typed page e-mail to an old boss explaining to him why he was an asshole. I awoke with no way to unsend and no way to change my words. All of the e-mail was true, but that was besides the point. We then met at a restaurant for drinks and he had outlined his favorite parts. I cowered slightly at first, ashamed at my actions, but as the conversation grew, I backed my words with ferocity. The outcome was a raise and a promise not to e-mail anymore. A trade off I felt was more than a favorable in this duel. I learned a lesson that day about honesty and alcohol. They don't always mix.
Last night a good friend wanted to show me the shoe (She has two legs, but decided on sending a pic of one of the shoes) she had bought. They were quite a sexy shoe, enticing even to those not into podophilia. They were the kind of shoe that usually accompanies a pole, a g-string, and the blaring sound of Pour Some Sugar on Me. My friend was proud of her shoe, so she sent me a pix message. Apparently, in the confusion a number was inverted or some other mistake was made. The picture went out, but the receiver was not me. Minutes later, a message returned - slightly lewd and very interested. What are the chances in this crazy world we live in, that an inadvertent misdial could result in contact with a foot connoisseur. My panic stricken friend quickly called to confirm my receipt of her text, only to be saddened by the news that her fetish inducing heel had reached another destination. Laughter ensued, but the reality was, this pedicure loving person had her phone number and her shoe. This to her was more embarrassing than a mall Santa (kindly do not ask). She awoke to multiple calls from the strange aficionado of feet. She know lives in fear, afraid to step foot outside in anything with an open toe.
So how do we curb this desire for immediate contact when alcohol is clearly calling the shots? Do we leave our phones at home. Do our computers get unplugged? Should there be some sort of breathalyzer device that activates our technological devices? Just being careful isn't enough. How often has someone said "I only live two blocks away," only to find their car on their neighbors lawn? I think the biggest problem is the divided thought. You make your bold statement at 2:45 and then at 2:47 you forgot to mention something. This results in another call. This process repeats itself and usually ends up with you crying or saying something so outlandish that you seem crazy. A good friend will pick the phone up, speak with you for those few seconds and wait til tomorrow to let you know that you're indeed a jackass. The texting and e-mails are what kill us. They start with one incoherent thought and turn into some sort of thesis on love (or in many instances lust). The outpouring of emotion is in direct proportion to the over pouring of booze that has recently taken place. So maybe that is the answer. The next time you have gone to far and you've said, texted, or e-mailed someone a message at hours not known for wise decisions. The next time you receive that angry next morning call from the recipient. The next time this happens. Advise them to speak to the bartender who got you to that point. Have them explain why it was necessary for you to tell them at 4am that they have the most beautiful smile, the cutest laugh, or the nicest ass. Have them explain why this conversation had to take place at that hour and not the next morning. I'm sure, regardless of how taken back they are, their answer will be a hell of a lot better than yours.
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