Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from April, 2010

The Screenplay

For years now, I have wanted to write a screenplay. I think ever since I watched the movie Hurlyburly I've wanted to. There's something about dialogue that really gets me. The best movies, to me, are the ones that have sharp dialogue that not only makes it's point, but has you reciting the lines later in life. Now Hurlyburly wasn't a great movie, but the dialogue was so quick and razor sharp at times it was brilliant. I know it was written as a play and while I'm not sure who starred in that production,I do know Sean Penn nailed the main role in the movie.

Recently I've thought more and more about this endeavor. I've been without a computer at home for months now and in many ways I think it's my own safety net to keep me from pursuing this endeavor. I want to write something good, but I'm afraid it will be crap. Much like this blog, there are times when I'm typing away, smirking at my brilliance only to write some piece of shit that I wi…

The Rap Battle

I've recently been having an argument with a friend of mine regarding the validity of Jay-Z being listed as one of the top rappers of all-time. Most people wouldn't give this argument two seconds of thought, because it doesn't really matter. To me it does. This person believes that Biggie was the best and Jay is second. This boils my blood. To me, the thought of putting Jay-Z on a list higher than Tupac Shakur, Rakim, Dr. Dre, Chuck D and Nas is silly, but this is where the real argument comes. People that like Jay-Z hate Nas and vice versa. They had a very public beef years ago and they said some horrible things about each other. Here's my big issue. This is how rap used to be decided; in battles. Now usually these things were settled face to face, but many times they carried over into albums. My friend is entitled to his opinion, but in this war, Nas destroyed Jay-Z on his hit Ether. Fans called in and voted and by a fairly large margin even Jay-Z's fans admitt…

2010 MLB Predictions

OK, so everyone can throw darts at a board and come up with a winner in April. Every year for about the last 15 years, I have used a system, where I predict the final standings, the playoff and World Series winners and the Cy Young and MVP winners. In all the years I've used this system, only one season did I have less than six of the playoff teams correct. I've predicted the World Series winner a handful of times (although the last time I was correct was when the Sox won in 2004). I have picked at least one of the Cy Young award winners numerous times and the MVP has actually been on the money more than any other category (thanks to guys like Bonds and Pujols). This being said, I'm sure now that I'm making my picks public, the correct picks will be embarrassingly low.

Just to give you a little insight into my thought process. I rate every player at every position based on hitting alone. Fielding is very overrated at most positions. Pitching is much more impor…

Insomnia

Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking. - Clifton Fadiman


I don't know if what I have is insomnia. Some people look at me and say, "it must be sleep apnea." Some people say, "you're sleeping but it's not rested sleep." Some others say, they have it too. I don't know if I clinically have insomnia, because I never went to a sleep center. I was supposed to, but my insurance lapsed and I wasn't able to do it. I also had a problem when I spoke with the woman on the phone. I asked her what the procedure was and she explained in great detail that I was to arrive about 8pm, they would hook up things to my chest, my head, my face and possibly some other parts. I would be able to read and watch TV until 11pm and then I would have to try and go to sleep. They said, to get an accurate reading I would have to sleep five full hours. So I paused, chuckled and said to the woman, "If …

Being Sick, Being Male

Why is it that when my mother was dying of cancer, she rarely complained. When my grandmother broke her collarbone, she was only angry with her limitations, not with everything else. Why is it when my ex-girlfriend had gallstones, I barely even knew about it. Why is it when a woman gives birth, they forget the pain and talk about the joys? Why is it that I get a cough and I become totally incapacitated?

Let me first set the record straight. I can take an enormous amount of pain. I have been punched in the face, got hit by a car, I've been tackled by people who were much bigger than I (when I was younger). Never did I even wince. While at Manhattan College, I was playing a basketball game in a gym class and while running down the court after a basket I hit a dead spot on the floor, my knee buckled and what came next sounded like a gunshot. The guy running next to me literally dove on the ground like we were under fire. I grabbed my knee and told everyone I was OK. I got up and conti…

Correlations: The True WTF

As I have already stated on Facebook, there seems to be a direct correlation to one's age and the number of people they find attractive. I find that as the years pass, I tend to like more types of women. Not just the buxom brunettes I've always been attracted to. I sometimes wish I knew this when I was younger, because I'm sure there was much more opportunity out there than I ever knew. People always say, "If I knew then, what I know now." Honestly, it couldn't be more true. I've worked with kids since I was about 19 years old. I still work with them and the difference is I'm older than their parents now. I'm sure when I was 19 and in shape, the opportunity (I'm not saying adultery is OK, but for the sake of this argument) was much more present than I ever realized. Now I see these mothers who are my age or younger and they are beautiful. I guess it's one of those things, you'll always wonder about. I know when I look back at my high s…

The Five Greatest Inventions: In My Life

Sure the wheel, the airplane, the computer are wonderful inventions, but they took years to make and took a vision that was way beyond compare. Cavemen made weapons out of bones and rocks, which was pretty cool when you think about it. Little kids always seem to make believe that simple twigs are Excalibur or a .357 magnum. Not sure if that's creative or scary at times, but it goes to show, vision has no boundaries. But what are the best inventions of the last forty years that help us on a day to day basis?

#5. ATM/Debit Cards: Remember when you needed cash at night and the bank was closed and you either had to borrow money from a friend or go home? That sucked. How else can I pay for that motel room at 4am with no credit card? Thankfully ATM's have made life easy for horny teenagers, hookers and johns. A beautiful thing.

#4. ESPN: Guys love tits. Guys love ass. But what guys really want in life is a 24-hour sports network. Your girlfriend has her monthly friend or is out with f…

The Five People You Meet In Hell

Everyone knows about that book by Mitch Albom about five people who you meet in Heaven. They seem like an odd bunch of characters, but then you realize they all played a part in the main characters development and each, I assume, has something to do with why he gets to heaven. I haven't read it because I perceived the title to have little I could relate with. While I don't believe in an after-life for various reason, such as intelligence, not believing in the make believe, and frankly, not believing in a higher power, unless of course you're talking about Manny Ramirez, I do believe it's a cool topic. So here it goes.

So who played a part in my downward spiral into Lucifer's molten abyss? Listen, I'd rather hang with a crazy horned fucker who tempted the first people the big guy created than to sit on a cloud with a bunch of people who spent their days praying and kneeling before statues and pedophiles. Did I say that? Doesn't matter, my name's in the bo…

Bristol Palin's Abstinence Ad

Hypocrisy is rampant in this country, but never more than in the new ad campaign being "performed" by wannabee actress and D-list celebrity Bristol Palin. For those of you who don't know, Bristol is the daughter of Alaska's resident imbecile Sarah Palin? You know the soccer mom, turned Governor, turned vice presidential nominee, turned butt of more jokes than a John Gosselin. Now I have nothing against anyone who gets pregnant by mistake. Mary got pregnant by mistake and we got Jesus, pretty good deal, huh? No, I mean I have nothing wrong with anyone who makes the teenage mistake of having unprotected sex and unfortunately gets pregnant. You know the ramifications and thankfully, you can get an abortion and your lesson is learned. From now on, have your partner wear a condom. Oh, you're Catholic? Never mind, add another member to the clan, you've earned it. Funny how sex out of wedlock is a sin, but if you should do that, having the baby isn't. Isn't …

Accepting Change: Part 2

I started thinking about all those minor changes and it dawned on me that even some phrases or words have taken on new meanings for me. I don't mean the definitions have changed, just well, which definition is being used. I'm not even forty and things have changed so much lately. I guess since we're always evolving, or devolving, depending on how you look at it, things will keep changing. Here are a few of the things that have changed, at least for me.

Dunking - When I was younger, we'd rent a gym where we could adjust the basketball hoops to a certain height, so that all of us could dunk like the pros. It probably has quite a bit to do with my current knee problems. These days the tasks consists of some kind of dough being dipped into something with a more liquid consistency. I used to have a decent vertical, now I'm more concerned with my horizontal.

Crashing - this used to be what we did when we knew there was a good party going on, but we weren't invited. Thi…

Accepting Change

In the course of our lives many things change. Our bodies, our hairstyles, our likes and dislikes. Sometimes we change for the sake of change and many times out of necessity. I mean I can't spend $2000 a night on hookers on my salary, so you have to scale it back. Some changes are monumental in our lives, some are less noticeable. This brief blog is going to be about those little things in life that are basically unimportant but for some reason are difficult to adjust to.

Does anyone remember when Cool Ranch Doritos changed the color of the bag from light blue to dark blue? I remember being so utterly confused that I actually put them back, even though I read the label again and again and it confirmed they were cool ranch flavored. Since that change, I have probably bought them one tenth the number of time. They just aren't the same.

Now this will only apply to Eastchester residents, but one place in town had become the urban legend of landmarks. When it disappeared, it took par…

What Happened to Easter?

Has anyone ever stopped to think about Easter? It's the holiest of the Christian holidays, yet most Catholics I know think Christmas is. It's a day to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and has become Hallmarked as a holiday about bunnies and chocolate eggs. How does a religion allow it's most important day to be mocked like this?

Now I'm not trying to ruin anyones holiday, because I truly love Easter. For me it's always been a special time of happiness. It seems more times than not, we have a day much like today. The sun is shining, birds are chirping and much like it's intended meaning, it feels as though spring is reborn. I do however have a little issue about a holiday based around a man being resurrected. It's a little creepy, regardless of whether or not you believe it's the son of God. Religion has always been somewhat about allowing oneself to believe what can never be proven, but the whole resurrection thing to me, is a little much to swallow. …