Friday, February 25, 2011

Long Car Rides

Wednesday I took close to a four hour car ride and a lot of things dawned on me during this trek.  Below are a list of things that I figured out on the way.

1.  Being alone in a car is by far the best time to be alone. 
2.  Nobody ever comments on your singing ability while driving...I was singing Saw Red by Sublime w/Gwen Stefani at the top of my lungs.  Followed by Dream Boy/Dream Girl by Cynthia and Johnny O (I think), and finally What's My Age Again by Blink 182.   Which made me wonder.  Is there a better verse in a song than "I called up your mom, said I was the cops, your husbands in jail, the state looks down on sodomy."
3.  State Troopers are lovely human beings.  I passed four on the way.  Doing 72 in a 55, doing 74 in a 55, doing 82 in a 65 and doing 70 in a 55.  Only once did they pull out, but some jackass blew by me and they went after him instead.  Phew!
4.  Old people really like driving.  The average age of he people I saw driving was about 70.
5. How many fucking McDonald's are there?
6. Is there a Cracker Barrel anywhere in the country that is in a community and not seconds from a major highway?  This needs to Eastchester!  I loves me some Cracker Barrel.  Chicken Fried Steak with fried okra!
7. I could have drove the whole way with no pants and nobody would have cared.
8. I went to a Mickey D's drive-thru that had two windows.  One to pay and one to pick up the food.  While silly, I can't help but appreciate that they care about our economy.  This easily could have been done by one person.
9.  Ever notice how it's always spelled drive-thru?  Says something about America doesn't it.
10.  Driving a tractor trailer has to be a pretty cool job.  Especially if you have a really annoying family.
11.  Is there anything harder than driving on the parkway for three hours at about 80 MPH and then getting to the town you're visiting and having to slow down to the town speed limit?
12. Visiting a college town in the winter kinda sucks.  Spring....whole other story.
13. Cruise control might be the worst invention ever.  Nothing like making something for long trips that makes you forget you're driving.
14. Going away always makes me forget anything about where I just left.  Fucking non-stop texts helps me remind me.
15. Changing CD's and eating is definitely more dangerous than talking on a cell phone.  Unless of course you're a female.
16. Remember playing punch buggie when you were a kid?  You do.   Damn you're old.
17.  My new game is "count the dead animals."  I saw about 18 on my way up.
18.  I'm pausing this list, because I just overheard my 98 year old grandmother ask her aid if she's 40.  The aid replied "I'll be 29 soon."  Ouch!  It must be nice to reach an age you can say anything without repercussions.
19.  Being alone in your thoughts is wonderful....unless you have thoughts like mine.  Is it wrong I drive by rest stops and drive thrus and wonder if the people would fit in my trunk?
20.  Sometimes I like you drive right next to people for about a mile and then look over, smile and give them a thumbs up.  Usually their response tells me I'm one finger away from being number one.
21.  I always laugh when I see traffic on the other side of the road and think to myself "who would go up there last week?"
22.  What do you think would happen if I wore a Burger King King mask and pulled up next to troopers and handed them a Whopper?
23.  To me the best thing about going away is knowing for that number of days I'm going to eat well.  No matter where I go. 
24.  I love stopping at gas stations when it's cold and people see me in shorts and think I'm from Florida.  When I say I'm from NY they look puzzled.  Then I say "what's the temperature in your house with the heat on?"  They say "it's about 68-70!"  I say, "what's the temperature in people's houses in Florida with the A/C on?"  They say "about 68-70?"  Then I pour gas on them and call them stupid.
25.  Does anyone else drive alone and think about the road trip games you used to make your parents play? What annoying fucking kids we were.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

First Blog In Over A Month (uh-oh)

Well, the tough times have hit in 2011. In 2009, I had my heart broken, probably Karma kicking me in the nuts, but I can't be sure. For me, Karma was always a Spanish girl who couldn't spell Carmen. Looking back, the first girl I ever kissed was named Karma or was it Carmen?  She was four years older than me and much more experienced. Where was I going with this?

2010 sucked for the most part, with the exception of making some wonderful new friends, but 2011 has truly sucked. First off, I quit my main job. Not the smartest decision in this economic environment, but change doesn't happen by itself. Then my car died and the IRS zapped my accounts. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know the current moment is filled with uncertainty and anxiety. I may go back in a limited capacity, but that is still up in the air. For now, I'm living off a six hour a week (most weeks) job that ends in May. Anyone looking to hire an intelligent, stubborn individual, who is somewhat conceited for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact I can for the most part do in 5 minutes what takes others hours? Didn't think so....and I'm fine with anyone who wishes to insert their own sexual joke right here (....).

The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Catching up on sleep was first on my agenda. The stress-free lifestyle was working wonders, until the money ran out and that's when the stress came back. This happened faster than I had planned, with special thanks to the IRS. It has dawned on me that I live in a country with promises of great potential, should you happen to be born into it.  Or step in shit. Very few, and I mean a small handful, have actually become what they are due to hard work. Those generations that preceded us might have come across their riches from hard work, but there wasn't a talent pool willing to work for pennies on the dollar at the same job. I respect those people, but they need to shut the fuck up. Times are different now. When minimum wage was $4, gas was a buck. Now it's $8 and gas is $4. Not the same thing. Once again, my past month turns into social commentary.  Just wait, it's about to get religious too.

Well, I've become more and more confused about how the human psyche works. It seems to me, my ability to meet single (and by single I do not mean unhappily married or just dating) women. I don't know where these women convene, but I know it's not where I dwell. I'm starting to get lonely. Sure I have friends, but they have their own problems. I need someone equally as fucked in the head as I am to share in our misery. Surely or eHarmony doesn't promote such unions. Why would they? Why would anyone want to bring two lost souls together? It doesn't make for a good commercial. Somewhere out there is my soul mate, although chances are she's on a bridge or a warm bath right now. That isn't an option for me. I want to spread joy, while crying on the inside. Seems like it's my birthright.

I shouldn't complain. I'm not starving yet. I've got shelter. I'm educated and I do have a family core that loves me. Maslow would argue that I've pretty much got it going on. Although I doubt he'd phrase it in such a way. I just have to get to the self actualization part. If you have read this part and don't know what I am talking about. Look it up, because it's about the only valuable thing I learned in school.  Maslow is my god!

Late February is always a blah time of year. Football is over, baseball is on the horizon and college basketball is running, but not in all it's March glory. Oh yeah, and clouds seem to linger longer than the drunk at the end of the bar.  Yes, I know I resemble that remark on occasion. I will have some time to wait, but will I enjoy March like other years. Will my days and nights be filled with three pointers and cold drinks, or will the days be filled with microwave popcorn and the cold bare walls that so often surround me?

I don't want to make it sound like all is bad. I've had good times the last few weeks. Usually there is a need for someone to remind me of such events. I've also lost weight over the last few months and the constant reminder of it is pleasing, although to be honest, it brings to light what people previously thought, in their minds. The world doesn't like heavy people. Unless, of course, they are on TV or movie. I'll still try to lose weight and get into better shape. I need to. I need to live long enough to where something wonderful in my life happens. I might give up on a car and go green. Maybe a bicycle. I can't see myself on a Segway!

In all, I'm a little down right now. My life is a little out of control and there is no quick fix unless a dollar and a dream pans out. I don't even play the lottery, so this isn't an option. I guess somewhere along the line some luck might play a part, but I really don't believe in luck. I believe in divine intervention. Not the kind where a God decided your fate, but I believe that those who have done nothing to deserve any good find great riches, while those who have suffered will continue to, until they do something awful, to put them in a position to fulfill some sick prophecy. Doesn't all the unjust in the world, the wars, the weather disasters, the hunger, the homelessness, the illiteracy. Doesn't this make anyone question why CEOs are getting millions of dollars for putting their feet up and playing golf, while losing our middle and lower class's money? Doesn't it seem like the garden of Eden's main character wasn't Adam or Eve, but the serpent? Doesn't it seem like all the angels who were banished from Heaven have decided to reside in our world, the entire time raping and pillaging? How does one listen to Ghadafi and see a man made in God's image? Maybe we should do what we always do and skew the facts. Maybe we should just call Merriam Webster and have them change the definition of omnipotent to "rolling the dice with hopes for something good." Or Maybe, we as mankind, could start caring about others before ourselves. I don't have the answers, but I do at least have the questions. I don't walk blindly through this world, blanketing truth with what others call faith. I question everything and as of yet, have yet to find satisfying answers. Not even one.

I'm not trying to bash other's beliefs, but I just find it odd that all the people who I've met who are genuinely good in this world have died of cancer, of AIDS, or in accidents, or at the very least work their fingers to the bone to just make ends meat, while those who wear the mask of good, but aren't, have lived fruitful lives. There are those who brag about their inadequacies and their gains, while those who have devoted their lives to a higher cause, live paycheck to paycheck. There are the teachers who slave 12 hours a day, just so one child can get up to snuff, while others are home before their students, letting most slip through the cracks, enjoying their paychecks much more than those who put forth the effort. There are those born into fortune that complain it wasn't their goal, while those who struggle week by week to make someone else money. Would a just God allow this? A just person wouldn't, so why believe in a deity who has created such unjust?

Maybe it's not about God. Maybe it's about us. Maybe it's about survival of the fittest. When the weak gazelle goes for water in the wild, it is attacked and eaten by lions. The more fit gazelles run and care only for their safety. Maybe we are just animals with iPods? I've seen people beaten in the street while people watch. I've seen car accidents and people drive by, never giving help, but taking their time to gawk. I've seen children, young children, tease others with obvious disabilities. This isn't learned, it is taught. There is some hope. There are those few who, to paraphrase the song, teach their children well. They are in a minority, but maybe one day, they will be the fittest, banding together to squash those who care merely about themselves. Banding together to form a tight knit group. Nah, I read Lord of the Flies and I know human nature. We will always be, in general, a self centered people. We will strive to provide for ourselves, regardless of the repercussions it might hold for others. It's our way. Our nature. And if you read any of the "good" books, it's our faith.