Wednesday I took close to a four hour car ride and a lot of things dawned on me during this trek. Below are a list of things that I figured out on the way.
1. Being alone in a car is by far the best time to be alone.
2. Nobody ever comments on your singing ability while driving...I was singing Saw Red by Sublime w/Gwen Stefani at the top of my lungs. Followed by Dream Boy/Dream Girl by Cynthia and Johnny O (I think), and finally What's My Age Again by Blink 182. Which made me wonder. Is there a better verse in a song than "I called up your mom, said I was the cops, your husbands in jail, the state looks down on sodomy."
3. State Troopers are lovely human beings. I passed four on the way. Doing 72 in a 55, doing 74 in a 55, doing 82 in a 65 and doing 70 in a 55. Only once did they pull out, but some jackass blew by me and they went after him instead. Phew!
4. Old people really like driving. The average age of he people I saw driving was about 70.
5. How many fucking McDonald's are there?
6. Is there a Cracker Barrel anywhere in the country that is in a community and not seconds from a major highway? This needs to happen...in Eastchester! I loves me some Cracker Barrel. Chicken Fried Steak with fried okra!
7. I could have drove the whole way with no pants and nobody would have cared.
8. I went to a Mickey D's drive-thru that had two windows. One to pay and one to pick up the food. While silly, I can't help but appreciate that they care about our economy. This easily could have been done by one person.
9. Ever notice how it's always spelled drive-thru? Says something about America doesn't it.
10. Driving a tractor trailer has to be a pretty cool job. Especially if you have a really annoying family.
11. Is there anything harder than driving on the parkway for three hours at about 80 MPH and then getting to the town you're visiting and having to slow down to the town speed limit?
12. Visiting a college town in the winter kinda sucks. Spring....whole other story.
13. Cruise control might be the worst invention ever. Nothing like making something for long trips that makes you forget you're driving.
14. Going away always makes me forget anything about where I just left. Fucking non-stop texts helps me remind me.
15. Changing CD's and eating is definitely more dangerous than talking on a cell phone. Unless of course you're a female.
16. Remember playing punch buggie when you were a kid? You do. Damn you're old.
17. My new game is "count the dead animals." I saw about 18 on my way up.
18. I'm pausing this list, because I just overheard my 98 year old grandmother ask her aid if she's 40. The aid replied "I'll be 29 soon." Ouch! It must be nice to reach an age you can say anything without repercussions.
19. Being alone in your thoughts is wonderful....unless you have thoughts like mine. Is it wrong I drive by rest stops and drive thrus and wonder if the people would fit in my trunk?
20. Sometimes I like you drive right next to people for about a mile and then look over, smile and give them a thumbs up. Usually their response tells me I'm one finger away from being number one.
21. I always laugh when I see traffic on the other side of the road and think to myself "who would go up there last week?"
22. What do you think would happen if I wore a Burger King King mask and pulled up next to troopers and handed them a Whopper?
23. To me the best thing about going away is knowing for that number of days I'm going to eat well. No matter where I go.
24. I love stopping at gas stations when it's cold and people see me in shorts and think I'm from Florida. When I say I'm from NY they look puzzled. Then I say "what's the temperature in your house with the heat on?" They say "it's about 68-70!" I say, "what's the temperature in people's houses in Florida with the A/C on?" They say "about 68-70?" Then I pour gas on them and call them stupid.
25. Does anyone else drive alone and think about the road trip games you used to make your parents play? What annoying fucking kids we were.
1. Being alone in a car is by far the best time to be alone.
2. Nobody ever comments on your singing ability while driving...I was singing Saw Red by Sublime w/Gwen Stefani at the top of my lungs. Followed by Dream Boy/Dream Girl by Cynthia and Johnny O (I think), and finally What's My Age Again by Blink 182. Which made me wonder. Is there a better verse in a song than "I called up your mom, said I was the cops, your husbands in jail, the state looks down on sodomy."
3. State Troopers are lovely human beings. I passed four on the way. Doing 72 in a 55, doing 74 in a 55, doing 82 in a 65 and doing 70 in a 55. Only once did they pull out, but some jackass blew by me and they went after him instead. Phew!
4. Old people really like driving. The average age of he people I saw driving was about 70.
5. How many fucking McDonald's are there?
6. Is there a Cracker Barrel anywhere in the country that is in a community and not seconds from a major highway? This needs to happen...in Eastchester! I loves me some Cracker Barrel. Chicken Fried Steak with fried okra!
7. I could have drove the whole way with no pants and nobody would have cared.
8. I went to a Mickey D's drive-thru that had two windows. One to pay and one to pick up the food. While silly, I can't help but appreciate that they care about our economy. This easily could have been done by one person.
9. Ever notice how it's always spelled drive-thru? Says something about America doesn't it.
10. Driving a tractor trailer has to be a pretty cool job. Especially if you have a really annoying family.
11. Is there anything harder than driving on the parkway for three hours at about 80 MPH and then getting to the town you're visiting and having to slow down to the town speed limit?
12. Visiting a college town in the winter kinda sucks. Spring....whole other story.
13. Cruise control might be the worst invention ever. Nothing like making something for long trips that makes you forget you're driving.
14. Going away always makes me forget anything about where I just left. Fucking non-stop texts helps me remind me.
15. Changing CD's and eating is definitely more dangerous than talking on a cell phone. Unless of course you're a female.
16. Remember playing punch buggie when you were a kid? You do. Damn you're old.
17. My new game is "count the dead animals." I saw about 18 on my way up.
18. I'm pausing this list, because I just overheard my 98 year old grandmother ask her aid if she's 40. The aid replied "I'll be 29 soon." Ouch! It must be nice to reach an age you can say anything without repercussions.
19. Being alone in your thoughts is wonderful....unless you have thoughts like mine. Is it wrong I drive by rest stops and drive thrus and wonder if the people would fit in my trunk?
20. Sometimes I like you drive right next to people for about a mile and then look over, smile and give them a thumbs up. Usually their response tells me I'm one finger away from being number one.
21. I always laugh when I see traffic on the other side of the road and think to myself "who would go up there last week?"
22. What do you think would happen if I wore a Burger King King mask and pulled up next to troopers and handed them a Whopper?
23. To me the best thing about going away is knowing for that number of days I'm going to eat well. No matter where I go.
24. I love stopping at gas stations when it's cold and people see me in shorts and think I'm from Florida. When I say I'm from NY they look puzzled. Then I say "what's the temperature in your house with the heat on?" They say "it's about 68-70!" I say, "what's the temperature in people's houses in Florida with the A/C on?" They say "about 68-70?" Then I pour gas on them and call them stupid.
25. Does anyone else drive alone and think about the road trip games you used to make your parents play? What annoying fucking kids we were.
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