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A few random thoughts

One would think insomnia would provide someone who is a procrastinator the extra hours needed to accomplish stuff. For some reason I just think of more reasons not to.

A decent steak costs $15 at the supermarket. I will not pay $25 for a good steak, but I will pay $45 for a great steak.

For anyone who may be a lawyer. Can you advise me on how to sue the Internet for my weight gain and lack of motivation?

When little girls start to develop they get a training bra. Some women are obviously just quitters.

I wonder if any girl has told her man "it's not the size of ship, it's the motion in the ocean" and then threw up on him.

The other day when it was hot out I didn't wear socks. My sneakers got pretty smelly. I thought this was a bad thing, but have you ever noticed that stinky feet smell exactly like original Doritos?

People that go on crash diets so they can speed date have obviously not learned their lesson.

If the Internet has taught me anything, it is that I must go to Japan one day. Every female wears catholic school girl outfits.

Winnie the Pooh once said "if you live to be 100, I want to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you." I have to believe Winnie the Pooh probably had a life expectancy of about 10 and that is only if he didn't get diabetes from eating all that honey.

When was the last time an ugly celebrity's sex tape was leaked?

If someone ever tells you they want to do something before they die and they die doing it. Laugh at the irony.

One of the many things the Jehovah's Witnesses aren't allowed to do - buy girl Scout Cookies. WTF?

Why is it that ugly people have cute kids but dumb people have dumber kids?

Last week I worked a total of 34 hours. Last week I spent a total of 45 hours at bars or restaurants. I truly need to stop working so hard.

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