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Free Writing - Take 44

One month since I've jotted down my thoughts without hesitation. Although some think my new "project" shows less restraint. My heart is heavy with thoughts of a friend's family member. So much real doom and gloom surrounds me, while I scroll through those wallowing in self pity every day. Changes need to happen. I can't go five minutes within my own home without feelings of anger and sadness waking me or shaking me. Negative thoughts keep coming back as I fight a battle I can not win. I wonder
if my thoughts of a simpler life will ever be recognized. A dog, a cat, a roof, a stove and a bed. Maybe a rocking chair. A pen and some paper. I wish this could be my living. Not just writing about me, as it is clear that the audience that cares is minuscule. I want to write about anything and everything. I want to dive back into books without checking my phone. I want to meet the crazy, interesting horror friends on Twitter. In my head, the skeletons in their closets are real. I want to trace my hand along someone's brilliant tattoos, see if I can feel the vibrant colors. I want to lay myself down with furry little friends by my feet and listen to twigs snap and wonder what moved them. I wonder what moves everyone, yet they shield their true selves, while I'm an open book. Maybe it's me that has become the bore and they are living some fantastic life, kept secret from all of us. Their hidden world lay right behind the walls they put up. I wish I could open my door and see nothing but trees, hear nothing but birds. I wish I could walk without pain, sleep without problems and speak without hesitation. I wish I could have one conversation that didn't revolve around a woe. Mine or yours. It might be nice for both of us, whoever you are.
I went a minute too long. Forgive me.

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