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Random Thoughts at 3AM

Watched an old movie by myself tonight and longed for my alone time. Of course it was cut short, but by a somewhat welcome surprise.

Everyone has their quirks and from the outside they appear to be flaws, but should we dare ever mention them, we'd change the course of our lives and theirs, in ways we'd never have intended.

Never before have I spent so much time indoors and talked so much about the weather. Nobody will ever understand how painful I find the subject.

Today I made a lunch that looked so incredibly beautiful and delicious and as I ate it, it dawned on me it desperately lacked one thing. A common trend lately and not just in food.

I've spent the last 20 years learning and perfecting a craft that has made me happy, but has left me with nothing, but memories.

It's been so many years since I've played a sport competitively, I almost forget what it feels like. I've thought about writing in great detail of the pain, but to be honest, I feared it would be misconstrued and folks with think I wanted to die. All I can say is I'd be willing t give up all the years I might have left, if I could have my old abilities back for just one year.

When I look at how far I've grown apart from those I call friends, I can't help but wonder if they even know the things they do. I know I've changed, but never in my morals or how I treat others. I wish I could say the same for most of them, but they scare me at times, with the hatred and sorrow they carry with them.

I don't think words do justice how much I'm looking forward to this food treat tomorrow morning. The simple pleasure of having the best bagel in NY delivered four hours away. Special!

Maybe if I go to sleep now, everything will fast forward and become great again....let's see.




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