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Phish Fans In Ithaca Terminal

I will be completely honest.  I've only heard about 20-30 minutes of Phish.  What I heard was like a record skipping on a bad tune.  It was basically extended versions of the worst Grateful Dead songs.  Let me point out that worst Grateful Dead songs encompasses all Grateful Dead songs.  So here's a brief description of the crew, most of who were together.

1st to arrive - Brand new baseball cap, curly hair, ripped t-shirt, cargo shorts falling off his ass.  He spoke on his cell the entire time he waited for his friends.  He had some luggage which consisted of a Coleman cooler, with a pair of shorts and a tee shirt tied to it with a bungee cord and a backpack.  He looked as though clean water had not met his body in a few days.

2nd to arrive.  Steps off the bus and looks like Prince William if he was born with those fake redneck teeth and hair like Harpo Marx.  He wandered around looking for a bathroom and seemed to check the most illogical places, like between two vending machine that had about 10 inches between them  He was totally disheveled and was wearing jeans and flip pet peeve.

3rd and 4th to arrive.  An attractive young girl who looked like a cross between Squiggy Fromm and Carly Simon, but a little more wasted.  She seemed to ask questions she should have known the answers to, like "this isn't where the concert is, right."  Nope, you paid $200 to watch a concert in a bus depot.  The guy was dressed like it was 50 degrees out. Hooded sweathshirt hiding his white boy dreadlocks.  Just not bathing doesn't make them dreadlocks.

My personal favorite was the woman in her fifties, who was wearing a belly shirt and no shoes. She also had these shorts that were falling down which had a plastic spoon sticking out of the back pocket.  There was also a man, who had absolutely nothing going on.  He was a disaster and didn't stop eating.  First three slices of pizza, he left and got a sandwich and then left and got a bagel.  Then complained about his bus being delayed and asked if there was a place to get a bite to eat.

This guy wasn't a Phish  fan, but he topped my day.  After waiting in the terminal for almost three hours, I went outside and left my bag and drink inside.  I come back two minutes later and someone is sitting where I was. He then proceeded to bend his water bottle to make it make a noise.  I almost killed him.

Another non-Phishionado was the woman sitting across from me that took her shoes off and proceeded to rub lotion on her feet.  Now listen, I did the same thing a few hours earlier, but in a little more secluded place.  The bathroom!

I'm sure they were looking at me and saying, hey look at the chubby 40-year-old with the diet soda, let me know how that's been working.  Or maybe they wondered why have pimples like a 14 year old. Or why I'm wearing constantly checking my phone like a teenager girl texting about a Beiber sighting.

Then of course there was the end of my wait.  Right before I got off the bus.  I take my seat in the back, get comfortable and an absolutely adorable girl in her early 20's sits down right across from me.  Two seconds later another hottie sits in front of her.  So the two best looking people I've seen all day sit in my view and I'm on the wrong fucking bus.  Story of my life.


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