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Things Truly Annoying Me About Facebook

Yes, I know, the Facebook whore is complaining about Facebook.  Remember, half my posts are forwarded from Twitter, which I adore for it's craziness, informative qualities and different personalities. Not like Facebook, which has become as routine as my morning piss.  There is a reason why kids are fleeing the site like cockroaches when the light comes on....it sucks.  So here are the things that are driving my fucking crazy.

Stay at home moms.  If you post an inspirational meme at 6:10am and then again at 6:25am and then again at 6:45am, don't complain at 7:10am you were rushing like a madwoman to get the kids ready to catch the bus.  You have all fucking day, don't start your google search for inspirational bullshit before you feed your youngins.

Guys who obviously don't do a lot of the child care.  We don't need to see a picture of all ten minutes you held your child that day.  Do that shit all day long like you're supposed to.  I especially love it when you post one picture of you teeing off at noon, but then at six o'clock I have to see the 13 pics you posted of you "day with Jr."

People who post news stories that happened four days ago, like it's a revelation.  OK, this isn't as bad as the people who post the fake news stories and then get forty comments of OMG.  If that shit sounds too far fetched, maybe it is.  Google that shit.

Girls who change their profile pic every day.  Yes, we know you're attractive.  Yes we know your boobs look nice in that outfit.  Oh you have a new hairstyle, but wait that pic is from 2010.  Listen, we also know you're single and this daily transformation of your homepage might be part of the reason.  Write something clever, something new or maybe, just be yourself and leave that shit for a week at a time, so we don't all talk about how completely nuts you are.

Nobody cares about your job, unless you're showing us what you can do that others can't.  My buddy puts state of the art sound equipment in houses and the shit is, what do the kids say? Tight!  I want to see that.  What I don't want to see or read about is how your client or customer sucked ass.  People suck ass, get over it.  Why are you in that field.  None of my yoga friends complain about their customers.  Not to mention, you never know who might see it and know it's about them.

People who post lies and refuse to erase it when called on it, because they know they'll find at least one moron to agree with it.  Usually a single girl or guy who they probably have a crush on.

People who fucking complain about their kids. I wish these people would have their kids taken away.  I feel like copying and pasted all this shit and sending it to them, with times and dates on the day of their graduation.  Kids are pains in the ass sometimes, but you decided to have them, so suck it up and if you have a complaint, keep that shit in house. 

Part two of above. I have friends with kids who have autism, diabetes, MS, CP and other problems.  Your kid's 100 fever and runny nose isn't worthy of a trip to the fucking ER or doctor's office.  Suck it up and care for them.  Let them eat fucking sorbet or whatever they want for a day, give them dimetapp and buy a box of tissues.  Oh yeah and it's night time, their body temp naturally goes up, it's called metabolism, human nature, etc.  Call your grandma if she's alive and ask her if you're being a little bitch.

Fucking Cats and Dogs.....I'm even posting pics now, because it's just so ridiculous I am starting to believe if their is a god, he's absolutely insane and loves cat and dog pics.  How else do you explain this bullshit?

If someone posts something serious, how about you don't comment if you don't have anything serious to say?  No, you want to be the asshole who in the middle of a conversation on gay marriage, writes "pillow biter?"  Way to go, you've achieved loser status, level infinity.

People who develop a complete different persona online than they have in real life.  What the fuck are these people thinking?  Do you know how many people I haven't seen in a long time, connect on Facebook and thing they are great fun and they are a complete bore in person?  BTW, if you think I'm an opinionated nutcase, who rants and babbles on Facebook, just add drinking, dancing and saying completely inappropriate things in person.  Plus, I might be a little more flirty. 

This one is a joke. But to my lady friends who I actually see out occasionally. If you have hot friends you hang out with all the fucking time, can you please not leave them home the one night we hang out? I'm not saying I'm going to hook up with anyone, god knows I don't even try anymore, but at least I can look and act silly. Thank you.

Finally, and this is a tough one, so please don't take offense.  If you're smart, don't dumb yourself down.  If you're not the sharpest tool in the shed and you know it, don't antagonize someone you know is going to come back at you.  Also, if people are going back and forth, don't send a private message, say that shit! If you know me and you want to put your two cents in, do it on the public stage, if you're bat shit crazy, we'll all have a laugh at your expense, but chances are you're doing nothing more than adding perspective.  Throw that shit out there.

More on above.  My biggest issue with girls I meet today is that they are embarrassed by their intelligence.  So much so that they date dopes to accommodate for what they perceive to be nerdiness.  Let me give you a little hint.  Guys love nerdy girls.  Even dumb guys.  I can tell you right now, that there is nothing hotter than when you sit down and start talking about a subject that you'd assume a female wouldn't know about and she jumps in and owns it.  I don't know shit about cars and listening to a guy talk shop is like listening to The View for me, but when a girl starts saying "did you check the plugs, it might be your alternator?" I get more than Chris Christie around cake.  I don't care what you know about, both boys and girls, talk that shit up and don't stay out of conversations. Next time you jump in for the first time remember one thing.  The next time, you know more than you did before.

Which leads me to my last thing.  People who post shit without making sure it's true. I don't post things like guns kill 600 million people in Kansas alone, so stop saying shit like 40 crimes are stopped by a good guy with a gun, per crime committed, because that shit is ridiculous.  If you see something, like a stupid meme and you type the words in that meme in google and that first website is snopes, that shit is fake.  Einstein, Monroe and Thomas Jefferson didn't say half the shit you think they did.  Oh, you don't have time to check, because "unlike me" you're busy.  Here's a thought....don't post that shit til you have time moron.

OK, I'm angry.  Hopefully the NSA and Washington isn't looking into me because I think Manning and Snowden are heroes and deserve a parade not jail. We'll see.  Goodnight....ah fuck it, I'll post this tomorrow and piss people off.

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