I have so many passions I can't afford and so little passion to be able to. It's not always been this way, but pain causes strange reactions not only to one's body, but to one's mind.
The other night I thought I was about to have a panic attack. If you have never had one, it's about the oddest feeling ever. Luckily, whatever the feeling was, it subsided and I actually fell asleep. The relief was actually exhausting.
Not being able to walk normally is starting to scare me. Last year I was walking about a mile a night and losing weight while eating like a horse. Two weeks ago I ate practically nothing for five days and gained two pounds. Frustration is an understatement. To think one night of basketball a week and I was able to maintain a weight of 40-50 lbs less than I am now.
Have you ever started to feel like you've lost the ability to connect to others (in general). It is somewhat frightening.
I'm really starting to question social media as a way to keep connected. I havent had a phone conversation of more than two minutes with a "friend" in nearly a year. I wrote down a list of the ten people who mean the most to me in the world, who aren't family and only three people are on social media and to be honest, two of them annoy me on it.
Do you ever wish you could throw everything away and start fresh? I find myself hoarding insignificant things in some sad attempt to keep good memories alive, realizing often they weren't that great.
I sometimes wonder how much happier I'd be if I didn't have to deal with the world 19-20 hours a day, but 16-17 like everyone else. I heard a friend groan the other day, claiming to be suffering after only seven hours of sleep. I would kill for that, if only twice a week.
I don't think I'll ever be truly happy unless I get a big break, but what that break is, is not what anyone else probably thinks. It is my secret desire and even it scares me a little.
Well off to dream I hope. I've become immune to melatonin as far as fatigue, but the weird dreams do still occur.
Goodnight all
The other night I thought I was about to have a panic attack. If you have never had one, it's about the oddest feeling ever. Luckily, whatever the feeling was, it subsided and I actually fell asleep. The relief was actually exhausting.
Not being able to walk normally is starting to scare me. Last year I was walking about a mile a night and losing weight while eating like a horse. Two weeks ago I ate practically nothing for five days and gained two pounds. Frustration is an understatement. To think one night of basketball a week and I was able to maintain a weight of 40-50 lbs less than I am now.
Have you ever started to feel like you've lost the ability to connect to others (in general). It is somewhat frightening.
I'm really starting to question social media as a way to keep connected. I havent had a phone conversation of more than two minutes with a "friend" in nearly a year. I wrote down a list of the ten people who mean the most to me in the world, who aren't family and only three people are on social media and to be honest, two of them annoy me on it.
Do you ever wish you could throw everything away and start fresh? I find myself hoarding insignificant things in some sad attempt to keep good memories alive, realizing often they weren't that great.
I sometimes wonder how much happier I'd be if I didn't have to deal with the world 19-20 hours a day, but 16-17 like everyone else. I heard a friend groan the other day, claiming to be suffering after only seven hours of sleep. I would kill for that, if only twice a week.
I don't think I'll ever be truly happy unless I get a big break, but what that break is, is not what anyone else probably thinks. It is my secret desire and even it scares me a little.
Well off to dream I hope. I've become immune to melatonin as far as fatigue, but the weird dreams do still occur.
Goodnight all
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