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Wanting

I don't know if wanting, craving, hunger, not in the sense of appetite, but of desire, is an emotion only shared by humans or not. I wonder sometimes if my feline friend's need to go out, catch mice, birds, or even large insects, is brought on by the same emotions or if it's born into him. Did he learn that need, like I did for certain things or was it born into him? I know most of the things I've craved in life, have been replaced, regardless of whether or not I attained them. I sometimes wonder what controls that.

As a child, I desired sweets, but as an adult, I rarely venture into that area of food. I much prefer savory, salty, or even bitter. As a teen, I had a poster of a Lamborghini on my wall, but given all the money in the world now, I'd probably buy an RV. As a young adult, I bought stuff, but now, my entire life could fit in the trunk of a car. Some might call that failure, and I'd be hard pressed to come up with reasons as to why they are wrong, but that's also who I've become.

Of course, there is that one need, that despite never leaving us, sometimes has a change in personnel. The desire for human contact is an odd one, because at times, we lose sense of why we crave such attention. Lust is easily replaced by contentment and I think it's fair to say it's a short term need. Camaraderie is a lifelong need, but many of us, find it in so many people, I question the word friend lately. Love, despite our poetic and romantic views of it, does come and go, often fading into the same contentment we find with lust. It's not to say it's not present, but it's not the feeling it once was. Then there is attachment. Something the Internet has changed. I used to wake and go to bed, feeling fulfilled, knowing I'd attached to a select few and they to me. The need was strictly a need to keep some routine, some semblance of order and a detached commitment to be there for each other. Oddly, despite the lack of physical contact in many cases, these attachments matter.

In case you don't understand where I'm going with this. Think of your local church, or on a more simple level, your local deli or coffee shop. You feel a sense of security seeing that familiar face, performing that familiar task and you exchange familiar pleasantries. You know their schedule and they know your likes and that relationship is important to both of you. Your day is thrown off by their absence and there may be some concern about yours. It's these little relationships that matter to us, despite them all outwardly being taken for granted. At times, we wonder more about these people and we imagine them being bigger parts of our lives. Normally we fight these off, realizing the differences between us and our time and place in our lives simply doesn't match. Other times, we rationalize we can make it work, either with or without the other person's knowledge. It's a strange relationship, but almost all of them have them, so what is it?

What is it? What is it when they grow stronger, materialize or simply fade? What is it that leaves a hole, despite them never being a physical part of our lives? Why do we put so much emphasis on the unknown? An animal does not wonder about animals in other jungles, but would they had they crossed paths, maybe years before? I think about those I value, put stock in and those who may or may not feel the same way. I think about their day as much, if not more than my own. I sometimes envision myself within their lives and they in mine and wonder how things would be different, even if we shared nothing more than a drink and a laugh. I think it would be nice, but it would change things. Is contentment our defense mechanism for fear or is it our complete failure to strive? I do not mean on a grand scale, but in the day to measure of our own happiness? I've often wondered what it would be like to see certain people every day. Some to walk by in an office, or a shop or even the same home. I guess it's normal. I guess the neighborhood cats and birds do the same. I guess maybe we're not any different than anyone or anything else, but I'm sure they don't let the thoughts consume them. There are mice and birds to chase and like everything those silly humans want and desire, there will be others. Why worry about one?

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