I'm guilty of this.
You're guilty of this.
We're all guilty of this.
We do it every day. Whether it be with strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, or whomever you can think of; we all do it. Smalltalk or not, we tend to have similar conversations with the same people every day. We ask the same questions, get the same answers, and most often give the same replies. Watch people you speak with every day. Watch their mouths. They're mouthing the words you're about to say. You already have your response ready. The safe, generic, attentive, yet passive, supportive, yet dismissive statement in reply to the never-ending repetitive thread. We've all become social media.
But, and this is a big BUT, we engage with people who have nothing else? What if this mundane line of thinking isn't out of boredom, civility, and the normal social awkwardness of speaking, not texting or messaging? What if this is who they are? What if this is all they have and, even worse, all they know? Do we rock this boat and change course? I've found it is hard to do. People with limited "stuff" going on aren't comfortable outside of the day-to-day mindless banter of discussing traffic or the weather. Have you noticed that, when things they own are broken, they do not fix them? They let it go, using it as a daily social kickoff. They bring it up ad nauseam, but even worse, we assist, by asking about it, rarely judging that relief to their issue is as simple as an inexpensive part or a phone call to someone who knows about these things. Why?
I'd like to say our choices of conversation are about kindness, caring, compassion, and a true investment in other people's lives, but the reality is, we're lazy. We're too lazy to take these conversations to the next level or ignore them completely, instead of starting a new thread of consciousness, We also feel that giving too much information in response changes the dynamic of the conversation. Have we shown we care or know more than we do? Humans are untrusting animals and we don't like to project enough that someone we're not comfortable with begins to see us for who we are. We do this with family too, which says a lot about the de-evolution of our species. Our real selves are seldom seen, both because of our insecurities and our abilities to project, through a phone or computer, the Me we want others to see.
So today, when we fall into that rut, and we all will, ask yourselves, is this really what I want to be talking about? Is this my real response? Is this what the other person wants to say or know? Why the hell do we do this? Just remember though, if you do decide to change course, make sure the other party isn't one of those for which the mundane and the simple isn't just a pleasantry, but all that they have or all they are capable of.
You're guilty of this.
We're all guilty of this.
We do it every day. Whether it be with strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, or whomever you can think of; we all do it. Smalltalk or not, we tend to have similar conversations with the same people every day. We ask the same questions, get the same answers, and most often give the same replies. Watch people you speak with every day. Watch their mouths. They're mouthing the words you're about to say. You already have your response ready. The safe, generic, attentive, yet passive, supportive, yet dismissive statement in reply to the never-ending repetitive thread. We've all become social media.
But, and this is a big BUT, we engage with people who have nothing else? What if this mundane line of thinking isn't out of boredom, civility, and the normal social awkwardness of speaking, not texting or messaging? What if this is who they are? What if this is all they have and, even worse, all they know? Do we rock this boat and change course? I've found it is hard to do. People with limited "stuff" going on aren't comfortable outside of the day-to-day mindless banter of discussing traffic or the weather. Have you noticed that, when things they own are broken, they do not fix them? They let it go, using it as a daily social kickoff. They bring it up ad nauseam, but even worse, we assist, by asking about it, rarely judging that relief to their issue is as simple as an inexpensive part or a phone call to someone who knows about these things. Why?
I'd like to say our choices of conversation are about kindness, caring, compassion, and a true investment in other people's lives, but the reality is, we're lazy. We're too lazy to take these conversations to the next level or ignore them completely, instead of starting a new thread of consciousness, We also feel that giving too much information in response changes the dynamic of the conversation. Have we shown we care or know more than we do? Humans are untrusting animals and we don't like to project enough that someone we're not comfortable with begins to see us for who we are. We do this with family too, which says a lot about the de-evolution of our species. Our real selves are seldom seen, both because of our insecurities and our abilities to project, through a phone or computer, the Me we want others to see.
So today, when we fall into that rut, and we all will, ask yourselves, is this really what I want to be talking about? Is this my real response? Is this what the other person wants to say or know? Why the hell do we do this? Just remember though, if you do decide to change course, make sure the other party isn't one of those for which the mundane and the simple isn't just a pleasantry, but all that they have or all they are capable of.
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