Well the short month started with that furry little fucker and for once it seems his premonition about winter was correct. The month was filled with snowfall and some chilly nights. The winter also, as it does, brought some discontent. Work was about as slow as it's ever been. I felt lucky to have worked about 80 hours this entire month. It could have been worse. In many ways it felt worse. It seems when I don't work I spend more time going out, partying it up, if you can call it a party. Watching curling, sucking back drinks like it's a job, and repeating familiar conversations over and over isn't the kind of party most would want an invite for. Maybe the loneliness of not having that person to hold has taken over. Maybe it's just that I am not as different from others as I see myself. Sometime I glance down the bar, the broken spirit of an elderly man, who at one time had everything to gain, but settled for easy. Who knows? In this economy do we really have the opportunities that our elders had?
The month wasn't all bad or was it. The Super Bowl proved about as exciting as an enema. Two teams I couldn't care less about, no money won, although a glimmer of hope, there was, if only briefly. Too many days ended with me sitting where I am right now, in my office, shop, workplace, whatever you want to call it. Sitting using the computer as the fear of buying a new one was very present in my financial situation. I tell myself this lie, but the money I spent on my daily excursions to see if Lindsay Vonn would win, even though the Internet had told me she had lost hours earlier, took over. I probably spent as much in tipping bartenders and waiters as I would have on a fancy new laptop. This is what became the norm in February.
The icy snows fell more frequently than last year. The complaints of neighbors bellowed through phone lines and corridors. I smirked, smarter than them. Parked where I could easily back out, my shoveling, scraping, and workload minimized by my foresight. Stories of hours spent digging, hurt me in ways, made me laugh in others. The kind of laugh you release upon seeing someone fall, once you have confirmed they aren't hurt.
The shortest month seems to have changed me. They all do. I'm more soured on where I am in my life. Location, money, achievements. The kids keep me going. The things they say, the actions, the smiles as they leave. Maybe a held hand, maybe a hug, maybe a thank you, uninitiated by mom or dad. These are why I live the life I do. I can't walk away from them. I sometimes think about doing anything, in a place where it's warm, or even cold. Living in a different place. Maybe a more understanding place. Maybe a place where there's a little variety. Maybe play bingo with some old-timers on Tuesday, some classic B&W films at a local library or Elk's lodge. Who knows?
I got myself back into films. Thank you February for that. I'm obsessed with films. I don't have any thoughts of acting or directing, but would love to write a screenplay. One day I tell myself, but I know it won't start in February. What would I write about. The thoughts in my head, might not translate to a good movie. I know it would be an odd movie, but would it be good. Despite what people might think, it wouldn't be a comedy. It would probably be the darkest thing anyone had ever seen. Do I want to reveal my innermost thoughts. To you February , No. Maybe to March. We'll see. March Madness begins for everyone on March 18th. Sometimes I think mine started ages ago. Or is this normal? We'll see.
The month wasn't all bad or was it. The Super Bowl proved about as exciting as an enema. Two teams I couldn't care less about, no money won, although a glimmer of hope, there was, if only briefly. Too many days ended with me sitting where I am right now, in my office, shop, workplace, whatever you want to call it. Sitting using the computer as the fear of buying a new one was very present in my financial situation. I tell myself this lie, but the money I spent on my daily excursions to see if Lindsay Vonn would win, even though the Internet had told me she had lost hours earlier, took over. I probably spent as much in tipping bartenders and waiters as I would have on a fancy new laptop. This is what became the norm in February.
The icy snows fell more frequently than last year. The complaints of neighbors bellowed through phone lines and corridors. I smirked, smarter than them. Parked where I could easily back out, my shoveling, scraping, and workload minimized by my foresight. Stories of hours spent digging, hurt me in ways, made me laugh in others. The kind of laugh you release upon seeing someone fall, once you have confirmed they aren't hurt.
The shortest month seems to have changed me. They all do. I'm more soured on where I am in my life. Location, money, achievements. The kids keep me going. The things they say, the actions, the smiles as they leave. Maybe a held hand, maybe a hug, maybe a thank you, uninitiated by mom or dad. These are why I live the life I do. I can't walk away from them. I sometimes think about doing anything, in a place where it's warm, or even cold. Living in a different place. Maybe a more understanding place. Maybe a place where there's a little variety. Maybe play bingo with some old-timers on Tuesday, some classic B&W films at a local library or Elk's lodge. Who knows?
I got myself back into films. Thank you February for that. I'm obsessed with films. I don't have any thoughts of acting or directing, but would love to write a screenplay. One day I tell myself, but I know it won't start in February. What would I write about. The thoughts in my head, might not translate to a good movie. I know it would be an odd movie, but would it be good. Despite what people might think, it wouldn't be a comedy. It would probably be the darkest thing anyone had ever seen. Do I want to reveal my innermost thoughts. To you February , No. Maybe to March. We'll see. March Madness begins for everyone on March 18th. Sometimes I think mine started ages ago. Or is this normal? We'll see.
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