Recently, I discussed an American phenomenon with a bunch of people from Ireland. They noticed what has annoyed me for years. It's the art of ordering food in a restaurant. Restaurants go out of their way to come up with new twists on dishes to stir not only curiosity, but sales. Why is it that so many Americans can not simply order what is on the menu? I understand that if you have a nut allergy, you need to know what is in the dish, but could you not order the sesame noodles without sesame sauce?
I dated a girl for the better part of three years who in all that time, not once, do I ever remember her ordering something as printed on the menu. In that time, she complained many times about the food. I would always tell her that if she ordered something as is, it most likely would be prepared well. Cooks get used to preparing the same meals and master them. Throw them a curveball or substitute something that takes more or less time to cook and chances are you're not going to be happy with the results.
I spend a lot of time sitting at the bar and I've heard it all. "Can I have a cheeseburger without the cheese?" This is why I am not a waiter or bartender. Because my sarcasm boner would be aroused and the results would not be pretty. The guy I was talking to the other day said someone he waited on asked for the Swiss burger, but with American cheese. Are you serious? Another thing I hear a lot, which is comical, is when people want a substitute that is another dish. I have heard someone say "can I have the burger, but instead of fries, can I have mozzarella sticks?" Sure, for another $7, you sheisty fuck! Do people actually think this will work?
My feeling is that if you're going to go out to eat and you know what you want already, then you should go to a supermarket instead and then go home and make that dish. I never understand when people tell me they are going out to eat and can't wait to have this or that dish. Yes, we all have that special place that does a certain dish to perfection, but I mean in general. I go ballistic when driving with people to a restaurant and they start saying what they are going to order. Don't you want to peruse the specials? Don't you want to know if they have soft-shell crabs or in season tuna? Maybe they are having a roasted rack of lamb special or duck l'orange. Why have you settled on Penne Vodka when they have Fusilli ala Capresse with tomatoes and basil freshly picked from their own garden? Why order boring old chicken Parmesan when they have lovely squab sitting on a bed of creole rice? Sorry, went off on a little bit of a foodie rant.
I would like to think the owners of any restaurant have chosen certain ingredients to combine to form certain dishes, because they have tried them out and they work. I trust a guy with twenty years experience in a kitchen more than my mental imagery of what might taste good and I'd like to think I know more than most about good food. My main point is that most of the people I know who like to play word jumble with the menu aren't happy with their food, ever. Don't like capers? Don't order the dish with capers, because the flavor will be off. You're not going to see me ordering cherry jubilee anytime soon, because I hate cherries and I don't think the chef will make it out of escargot!
And another thing, stop putting salt and pepper on your food before you taste it. Oh shit, I feel another blog coming on!
I dated a girl for the better part of three years who in all that time, not once, do I ever remember her ordering something as printed on the menu. In that time, she complained many times about the food. I would always tell her that if she ordered something as is, it most likely would be prepared well. Cooks get used to preparing the same meals and master them. Throw them a curveball or substitute something that takes more or less time to cook and chances are you're not going to be happy with the results.
I spend a lot of time sitting at the bar and I've heard it all. "Can I have a cheeseburger without the cheese?" This is why I am not a waiter or bartender. Because my sarcasm boner would be aroused and the results would not be pretty. The guy I was talking to the other day said someone he waited on asked for the Swiss burger, but with American cheese. Are you serious? Another thing I hear a lot, which is comical, is when people want a substitute that is another dish. I have heard someone say "can I have the burger, but instead of fries, can I have mozzarella sticks?" Sure, for another $7, you sheisty fuck! Do people actually think this will work?
My feeling is that if you're going to go out to eat and you know what you want already, then you should go to a supermarket instead and then go home and make that dish. I never understand when people tell me they are going out to eat and can't wait to have this or that dish. Yes, we all have that special place that does a certain dish to perfection, but I mean in general. I go ballistic when driving with people to a restaurant and they start saying what they are going to order. Don't you want to peruse the specials? Don't you want to know if they have soft-shell crabs or in season tuna? Maybe they are having a roasted rack of lamb special or duck l'orange. Why have you settled on Penne Vodka when they have Fusilli ala Capresse with tomatoes and basil freshly picked from their own garden? Why order boring old chicken Parmesan when they have lovely squab sitting on a bed of creole rice? Sorry, went off on a little bit of a foodie rant.
I would like to think the owners of any restaurant have chosen certain ingredients to combine to form certain dishes, because they have tried them out and they work. I trust a guy with twenty years experience in a kitchen more than my mental imagery of what might taste good and I'd like to think I know more than most about good food. My main point is that most of the people I know who like to play word jumble with the menu aren't happy with their food, ever. Don't like capers? Don't order the dish with capers, because the flavor will be off. You're not going to see me ordering cherry jubilee anytime soon, because I hate cherries and I don't think the chef will make it out of escargot!
And another thing, stop putting salt and pepper on your food before you taste it. Oh shit, I feel another blog coming on!
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