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Tipping

This is a sensitive subject with lots of people. Actually, it's pretty much a sensitive topic with everyone. The reason is because nobody ever wants to be called cheap. Some people over tip, some under tip, some tip depending on service, some tip the standard (18%), some tip what the standard once was years ago (15%), and some refuse to tip altogether. Some people tip everyone, some tip some, and some tip only those they feel worthy of their gratitude. Some people don't tip altogether. Oh, I said that already.

Now tipping usually isn't a big deal, unless you're out with a group. There is nothing more awkward than going out for a game at the bar. You're there for a good four hours. Drinks, appetizers and burgers are flowing. The game is great, everyone is happy, the bartender or waitress has taken care of you with a free cocktail or two and you get the bill. Everyone does the customary stare and someone picks it up and says $380. Everyone starts calculating with their mental abacus and five guys throw in $80 and one guy throws in $70. Everyone looks at the guy and thinks "what the hell?" Finally one person will say "throw up the extra ten spot Goldstein!" I do realize that this is a terrible stereotype about Jews, but the truth is and it is this writer's belief that stereotypes are based on 51% truths. Therefore any Jewish or elderly Italian last name is actually allowed. Yes, I said it. I live in Eastchester and I said it. You old guineas are as cheap as any Jews I know. Back to the story. The sixth wheel looks down at his wallet and puts the ten back and pulls out a twenty. Knowing, not only is he going to be ridiculed later on, but he will most definitely be up on the next round, should their be a latter stop.

The reverse problem is also true sometimes when you go out with a small group, or even by yourself. I remember one morning I couldn't sleep and went to a diner. I ordered the breakfast special and coffee. I was reading a paper or magazine and my coffee cup was filled about three times in about twenty minutes. The waitress was attentive without being annoying and was very sweet. I asked for the check and the total was under $8. Almost everyone I know would have no problem pulling out a ten and leaving it on the table. To me it was obvious that this woman had been there for about seven hours and it was just about the end of her shift. She greated me, served me, and said goodbye with a smile. I left $13.

Now I'm not the be all end all authority on tipping, but I do know this. I tip a lot. I would say a good 35-40% of my dining and drinking out are in tips. People that know me probably think I only mean at the bar, but I tip on takeout even when I pick up if there is a tip cup present. At least $2, no matter how small my meal is. That might seem like a lot in tips, but I would also say I benefit from this and I spend more time than most eating and drinking when I'm out. So in part, I feel like I'm paying the bartenders/wait staff for their time and effort and acknowledging that my leaving, quite possibly would open up a seat for another tipper. When I go out to dinner with some folks, we're in and out in forty minutes. These nights, I don't feel like I have to over tip, because we have become a waiter or waitress' dream. Sit, know what you want, get the food, eat, goodnight. Turning over tables is what it's all it's about, so I figure, our haste made them money too. That being said, I almost never tip less than 20% on a meal.

The 15%, then 18% standard tip is insulting, because in most places the waiter is not getting 100% of that money. So you grab a nice dinner, get appetizer and two drinks each, and skip dessert. It's you and you're date and you sit at the table a good hour plus. The bill comes to $100 and you leave $15 or $18. So what if she has to tip a percentage to the bus staff and the bartenders. Say he/she walks out with two-thirds of that? You just spent an hour getting fed and gave the person working for this $10-12. Seems kinda cheap doesn't it. High school babysitters are getting more than that these days for watching television and eating your food, for free. So would it kill you to give an extra $2-5? The next time you come in to that establishment, I bet your service will be top notch.

I recently went to Morton's with a couple and I had some gift cards. We had appetizers, huge steaks, great cocktails, a fabulous bottle of wine, dessert and after dinner drinks. The bill came to $360 and I figured in $100 tip. A little under 28%. My dinner guest offered to pay the difference on the gift cards and threw down $60 immediately. There was no math involved. We had a great meal, great service, great atmosphere. Sitting and nitpicking over singles, to me would have been insulting. But I don't say this because it was Morton's. I tip takeout based on what I order. I never give less than $3 and that's only if I order from one place which is literally less than a quarter mile away. If it's raining, I don't care who you are or where you are coming from, I'm not tipping less than $5. One Valentine's Day I ordered a pizza and the kid came to the door looking quite dismayed to be working when he could be getting lcuky with his nubile young girlfriend, so I threw him a $10 on a $16 order.

OK, so it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn. No, I'm not. I've never been a waiter or bartender, not do I want to be. The thought of looking across three feet of mahogany and staring at me for eight hours is disturbing. What I do know is that these people do a job I couldn't do. On the phone I can hide my animosity towards civilization, but when that person is right in front of you? Wow, that's hard work. Sure, I get parched every once in a while and when I have to wait five or ten minutes for a drink in an otherwise empty bar, I get a little hot under the collar, but I think about all those times, I hear those magic words "cheers." I don't agree with bartenders who say everyone is treated the same no matter how they tip. If that's the case, here's your $7 tip on my forty-five dollar tab and treat me like everyone else. I refuse to do that. I also don't tip on my tab. I tip on my tab, plus the estimated time I've been there and I do figure in some buybacks into the equation. Especially if they are noticeable. On an almost nightly occurrence I will drop $40 on my tab and $15-20 on my tip. Yes there are times where I might leave that same tip on a $50-60 tab, but I think the number of times I leave that on a $40 makes up for it. I can tell you it doesn't go unnoticed.

I remember a time, four friends and I driving down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We stopped at what looked like a little diner next to a gas station. we walked in, gassed up and realized we could walk directly into the restaurant area. We were all starving after 12-15 hours on the road and decided to sit. We noticed an all-you-can-eat buffet that was loaded with seafood. We weren't near New Orleans yet and we weren't even really near water, but we decided to give it a go. The food was excellent and the price even better. I think the total came to about $50 and we all threw in $15 and walked out. The waitress actually followed us to our car to thank us. Maybe it's just me, but it felt good to make someone's night.

I don't know who cares enough to write this much about this topic, but it dawned on me today that I was at a bartender friend's house for a BBQ this weekend. I have had a bartender friend on my mind daily while he battles a disease. I have a bartender/waitress friend I'm going to take to see Lady Gaga (and no it's not a date). I have a bartender/waitress friend who bought me DVD's because she thought I might like them. I have a bartender friend who took me to play golf, for free, at his course. I have a bartender friend, who is now strictly a friend, who I speak to all the time. I know what's going on in many of these people's lives. I talk to them, I call them, I'm on Facebook with them. I care about them and money aside, they care about me. They are people. Hard working people. They don't deserve to be stiffed or slighted. They deserve in return what they give. I just don't think 15% or 18% is enough.

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