I've been giving a lot of thought to the work week that has become the standard and feel it needs to be tweaked. Obviously there are some jobs that require you be there at specific times due to things like hunger. So my dear friends in the food service business this is not for you.
I'm talking about 7-3, 8-4, 9-5ers. The typical eight hour day shift people. It's kinda silly. Just based on my experiences and things I'm told be people in offices, this could be significantly cut and would enhance production and job happiness. The average person, other than answering phones and going to meetings, most likely doesn't have eight hours of actual work. So why should they be there for eight hours? To me, they'd be much more happy sitting on their recliner than sitting in a cubicle, so let them. Here's the first thing. The damn water cooler/break room morning. It does nothing but promote animosity through gossip and hearsay. Instead of coming in dreary-eyed at 9am, have your breakfast at home and arrive at 9:30 ready to go. You're not doing shit until then anyway, so enjoy it at home. Then, enough with the pre-lunch coffee break. Drinking coffee doesn't require you to tell an annoying story or show endless pictures of your pets. Work through it you over-burdened slacker. You have lunch in 60-90 minutes anyway. Lunch breaks? Who needs an hour to eat lunch? Today I went to the deli, ate meatloaf with mashed potatoes and the entire sessions, from going to the deli to wiping my gravy soaked chin took about 25 minutes. And I was doing work eating. I'm a multitasking badass. Bring your lunch or grab a sandwich and eat at your desk. Half hour later you're done. So already you've knocked 45 minutes off your workday and you got to come in a half hour later. Bathroom breaks are fine, but don't spend 20 minutes talking about last nights game or who shot who on Desperate Housewives on the companies dime. Piss, shit, do your line of blow and get back to work. We've shaved an hour off your day. So now, you've banged out your work and being that you didn't spend an hour doing nada, you get to leave an hour early. This hour can be spent throwing a ball with your kid, making dinner for your wife or having an elicit affair with the chick you'd normally only get to flirt with in the break room. The perks are endless. Plus, you teacher friends can't gloat about their being home before you.
Also, while we're at it. Screw this five day work week. Let's get it down to four. None of this long weekend bullshit either. Wednesday is a new weekend. Imagine how motivated you'd be at work, knowing you basically had two Fridays every week. Tuesday you'd be a machine at work. Not to mention the extra day off would help the economy. Tuesday night would be a big night at the bars and restaurants and that's change we can believe in. Seriously, it's not working the way it is. Nobody that has a job is happy to be there. Nobody wants to work. So let's cut down on this work thing and let's make our time there more productive with the promise of more free time. You think Ted Kaczinski would have been as crazy if he didn't have spare time. You think Einstein would have created those wonderful children's tapes? Seriously, look at people like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. They have more time (and have done more time) that they know what to do with. They seem to be productive adults. I read about them weekly. They have to be doing something right.
It's about time we all form some type of non-working union. Four 6.5-hour days instead of five 8-hour days. Tell me you wouldn't work harder and spend less time playing fucking solitaire and free cell on company time? I know if I had a four day work week, I'd be psyched to come to work. I'd be giddy. Then again, I'd know it was the only 26 hours of the week I wasn't travelling down the road to cirrhosis. Not to mention your boss wouldn't be such a hard ass, because he wouldn't see you every five minutes walking to the break room with the hopes to catch a glimpse of the cutie down the hall who always seems to forget to wear panties on Friday mornings. I don't know the answer, but mine has to be better than the system we have now. Hell in some countries in Europe they have a feast and go to sleep for a few hours before going back to work. Every time people go away and show me pictures, everyone is smiling. Not in this country. We're misery stricken, because for the most of us it's a daily grind. We work week to week, hoping that one day we'll get that lucky scratch off and win just enough that we blow it and live a life of solitude and shame. So if we're going to be miserable, let us only be miserable for four days a week.
Plus, if I hear one more person quote Office Space and say "someone has a case of the Mondays," I'm going to beat them with a stapler. And enough of this TGIF. Friday sucks, because it's the longest day of the work week. The clock slows down and the light at the end of the tunnel is made by Coors. Fucking Nazis. What's so great about Friday? Nothing. Saturday kicks Friday's ass because you get to sleep late and go out not having to worry about the ramifications. The only great thing about Friday is the plethora of drunken females who have apparently left the inhibitions and dignity at the office. Amen for that. But even better is Saturday when you get to tell your friends about how she was gorgeous at 11pm, but you had to pull a coyote ugly to get your arm free Saturday morning. And Saturday's are special because of breakfast in bed. Although granted, it's usually something I bought or made the night before thta I wake next to, half eaten and calling my name. Imagine if we could do this on Wednesday too? I think I'm on to something.
I'm talking about 7-3, 8-4, 9-5ers. The typical eight hour day shift people. It's kinda silly. Just based on my experiences and things I'm told be people in offices, this could be significantly cut and would enhance production and job happiness. The average person, other than answering phones and going to meetings, most likely doesn't have eight hours of actual work. So why should they be there for eight hours? To me, they'd be much more happy sitting on their recliner than sitting in a cubicle, so let them. Here's the first thing. The damn water cooler/break room morning. It does nothing but promote animosity through gossip and hearsay. Instead of coming in dreary-eyed at 9am, have your breakfast at home and arrive at 9:30 ready to go. You're not doing shit until then anyway, so enjoy it at home. Then, enough with the pre-lunch coffee break. Drinking coffee doesn't require you to tell an annoying story or show endless pictures of your pets. Work through it you over-burdened slacker. You have lunch in 60-90 minutes anyway. Lunch breaks? Who needs an hour to eat lunch? Today I went to the deli, ate meatloaf with mashed potatoes and the entire sessions, from going to the deli to wiping my gravy soaked chin took about 25 minutes. And I was doing work eating. I'm a multitasking badass. Bring your lunch or grab a sandwich and eat at your desk. Half hour later you're done. So already you've knocked 45 minutes off your workday and you got to come in a half hour later. Bathroom breaks are fine, but don't spend 20 minutes talking about last nights game or who shot who on Desperate Housewives on the companies dime. Piss, shit, do your line of blow and get back to work. We've shaved an hour off your day. So now, you've banged out your work and being that you didn't spend an hour doing nada, you get to leave an hour early. This hour can be spent throwing a ball with your kid, making dinner for your wife or having an elicit affair with the chick you'd normally only get to flirt with in the break room. The perks are endless. Plus, you teacher friends can't gloat about their being home before you.
Also, while we're at it. Screw this five day work week. Let's get it down to four. None of this long weekend bullshit either. Wednesday is a new weekend. Imagine how motivated you'd be at work, knowing you basically had two Fridays every week. Tuesday you'd be a machine at work. Not to mention the extra day off would help the economy. Tuesday night would be a big night at the bars and restaurants and that's change we can believe in. Seriously, it's not working the way it is. Nobody that has a job is happy to be there. Nobody wants to work. So let's cut down on this work thing and let's make our time there more productive with the promise of more free time. You think Ted Kaczinski would have been as crazy if he didn't have spare time. You think Einstein would have created those wonderful children's tapes? Seriously, look at people like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. They have more time (and have done more time) that they know what to do with. They seem to be productive adults. I read about them weekly. They have to be doing something right.
It's about time we all form some type of non-working union. Four 6.5-hour days instead of five 8-hour days. Tell me you wouldn't work harder and spend less time playing fucking solitaire and free cell on company time? I know if I had a four day work week, I'd be psyched to come to work. I'd be giddy. Then again, I'd know it was the only 26 hours of the week I wasn't travelling down the road to cirrhosis. Not to mention your boss wouldn't be such a hard ass, because he wouldn't see you every five minutes walking to the break room with the hopes to catch a glimpse of the cutie down the hall who always seems to forget to wear panties on Friday mornings. I don't know the answer, but mine has to be better than the system we have now. Hell in some countries in Europe they have a feast and go to sleep for a few hours before going back to work. Every time people go away and show me pictures, everyone is smiling. Not in this country. We're misery stricken, because for the most of us it's a daily grind. We work week to week, hoping that one day we'll get that lucky scratch off and win just enough that we blow it and live a life of solitude and shame. So if we're going to be miserable, let us only be miserable for four days a week.
Plus, if I hear one more person quote Office Space and say "someone has a case of the Mondays," I'm going to beat them with a stapler. And enough of this TGIF. Friday sucks, because it's the longest day of the work week. The clock slows down and the light at the end of the tunnel is made by Coors. Fucking Nazis. What's so great about Friday? Nothing. Saturday kicks Friday's ass because you get to sleep late and go out not having to worry about the ramifications. The only great thing about Friday is the plethora of drunken females who have apparently left the inhibitions and dignity at the office. Amen for that. But even better is Saturday when you get to tell your friends about how she was gorgeous at 11pm, but you had to pull a coyote ugly to get your arm free Saturday morning. And Saturday's are special because of breakfast in bed. Although granted, it's usually something I bought or made the night before thta I wake next to, half eaten and calling my name. Imagine if we could do this on Wednesday too? I think I'm on to something.
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