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Christmas Irony and Epiphany


I'm staying away from the religious and celebratory irony and going straight to the sources.  I don't even want to get into the irony that was the mass at the Vatican.  When the Pope contradicts what's in the Bible, what is left?  Maybe I need a little lesson on blessings, but when the Bible says do not pray for idols and then the Pope says he must bless the statue of the Baby Jesus, I'm going to question everything I hear from here on out, even more so than I usually do.  Oh look, I got into it.

I digress.  This year, Facebook showed me just how funny and ridiculous faith, appearances and people's general levels of happiness are.  The people who told me they love everyone, because that's what Jesus taught, spewed hate and vile words nearly every day.  The people who posted pictures of their vacations, trips to sporting events and lavish dinners cried the blues or, more often than not, let slip that all was not well either financially, emotionally or in the world of relationships.  Those who posted pics of smiles, the biggest smiles and threw their happiness in the face of those less elated, posted woe is me status updates all throughout the holidays.  Those who were miserable, continued their misery loves company quest and left nothing back.  Those who were indifferent, like myself, tried and succeeded in finding the silver lining, many times, the one we weren't even looking for.

Once again, true friends said the right thing, did the right thing and were there for me and I for them.  This wasn't a year about spending on an item to somehow prove our care, but merely a time to share an experience, a laugh, a moment.  I didn't have any intimate moments of the romantic nature and oddly, this year, there wasn't even the silly back and forth that I've found myself in the last four or five years, usually leading to an odd falling out.  This year was about an awakening for me.  A realization that walking up a chilly street, turning to glance at the setting sun, gives me as much joy as a more momentous occasions.  I realized that new, good people will always come in an replace the ones who try and tear you down, compensating only for their shortcomings, whilst blaming your life for their anger and sadness.

I realized more than ever this year, that I have been a bit of a magnet for people who need someone strong to use.  Whether it be to support them emotionally, to fill some intellectual void they find themselves in when looking at who they surround themselves with and most of all, those are jealous of the realist I am and my acceptance of fate.  I've had lovers disappear from my life, gloating of their happiness, but telling all who will listen just how miserable they are.  I've had friends who left me, telling me how how pathetic I am and how lost I am, yet searching for anything to define themselves.  I've had people threaten me, only trying to make up for something in their lives that has emasculated them, whether it be a relationship, an upbringing or their own religious beliefs.  I realized that there are even less people in my life that matter than even I originally believed.  I have embraced that core and cautiously added a few more, even those who I've been warned against. 

I know that when I'm away from home I'm at my happiest and that is a sad statement.  I know that the stress of getting to and from work every day has affected my love of it.  I know that my financial situation, which others define me with, will never be one that will define me, but I would like to one day not think about it.  I know that when I'm away I miss no more than ten friends and think about spending time with only four. 

I know that holidays are not celebrations of a new beginning or even truly a time to be thankful, but merely a chance to breathe and reflect. They are a bitter reminder that we, as humans, are weak souls.  For if we acted the way we do during the holidays the other 364 days of the year, we'd all be better for it.  The holidays have all become Halloween, as we wear masks to hide our truths and portray what we wish others to see. I refuse to play into that charade and will be who I've been since day one. I will anger many, please few and hold my head high when spending time with those who matter, all the while, being humbled by their gracious nature. I will do this every second of every year, not only on selected days of this and the coming year.

Peace and respect to all, but love, thanks and admiration to those special few.



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