So funny, seeing things from afar. Even those I didn't normally see in person, I see so differently. The sun shined today, seemingly the first time in a week, but not really. I felt fatigued, even symptoms to that in which, knock on wood, I haven't experienced in two years, maybe even three. The scraping sound of a ladder, familiar to my memories, sounded outside the window. Finally the slumber began and I awoke, still groggy, but aware. The ache was gone, but the cloudiness remained and for the first time in ages, I took a pill to relieve the pain. A nice dinner and a better baseball game put me in a brighter mood. I really started thinking later in the night and it made me realize that so much of what makes us happy in this world is simply our ability to shut off our cares. In many cases, to turn off our brains. Some are masters of this and some it comes more naturally, but it is, albeit not one I desire, a true gift. I also thought about how other's decisions, even in their inaction causes changes in our own lives. One such action, which was compounded today, truly struck a nerve. It made me realize that the decisions of others, when we know deep down they are regretted, burn us inside. I can't turn that off, just as I can't turn off the pain I feel when I know a friends child is suffering. Not physical pain, nor even emotional, but the pain I see that will be caused down the road. A pain, so few even know they are inflicting. Tell me again, it's none of my business. So I go to faceless, nameless children in other towns I'll never visit and read about them in the paper. Those I "admire" won't ever hear or read about them and they'll go about their happy lives. It's 5:30am again. Same time I laid down the night before. I hope I'll receive the luxury of more than 165 minutes this time. Maybe today I'll be able to ignore my own woes, so the woes of strangers won't bother me nearly as much. Maybe, I'll go eat some hummus. That always helps.
Most people I know do not care about knowing the truth or facts, they only care about being the one who passes along information. I wonder if I could privately ask people why they use social media (honestly), what their reason would be. I don't think people without a sense of humor, realize how much fun the world can be. Even during the hard times. So many of us spend time thinking of mistakes and regrets, but if we really think about it, we've probably dodged more bullets than missed boats. You know when you sit by yourself reading, sipping some coffee or tea and you don't think about anything, but what you're doing? That!
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