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Ten Things People Need To Stop Doing Immediately

1. Saying or writing "and it's just about the best thing ever?" Unless you're marrying the person of your dreams or having a child, let's go easy with some celebrity doing a skit being equal or better. We get it hipsters, you're expressing your joy at something you found on the Internet, which you believe you found first, but the reality is...someone posted it! You're late...let it go.

2. Parents who are over the hill, but active, we all applaud you, but forcing, yes forcing your kids to waste their weekends watching your workout, your race or your softball games is too much. That's family time, not me time. I'm all for kids supporting their parents, but support is your job. Those three hours you spent getting ready for some dumb race to prove your man or womanhood, is time your kid could have been playing with friends or you. Them being trained, obedient cheerleaders isn't parenting. Get a dog.

3. Posting pictures of their goddamn houses on Facebook. I know the way into about half of your houses and I'm not a thief. I know where nobody can see, because you've built a fence and when you post on social media that you're going away for six days, I know when to rob you. If I know how and when, imagine someone who does it normally might do?

4. Using your kids maladies for sympathy. I know people who have kids who have outlived their life expectancy by almost a decade and you know what they do with their sorrow and their woes? Cherish each and every second. Do they get down? Yes, but they keep that shit bottled up so they will never know. Never ever use your child's disability for any purpose other than to educate. Ever! Even careful how you do it.

5. Stop using other people who are unaware to get someone mad or jealous. Trust me, it will come back to bite you. Also, if you're doing this to me, just realize, I know exactly who are my real friends and who aren't, so if you cross that line, I will make you regret it.

6. Stop being against everything and then post how you're a god loving person. What fucking Satan-like god are you worshiping who gives a flying fuck about what someone's gender, sexual preference or color is? If you're against anyone for any reason other than them being bad people, stop it. Nobody cares and people saying they are with you are awful people. I'm not against you, I feel for you.

7. Embracing stupidity. If someone writes a poem posts a meme or just status that is littered with misspelled words, poor grammar or simply make no sense whatsoever, stop liking it. Send this person a private message about their error. Also, if you're a teacher bashing testing and you don't know when to use "than or then" you are an idiot. That might be a typo, but when you've done it before, I'm guessing not. Also, you're a teacher...check it.

8. Stop saying "SO TRUE." Their is true and there is false and sometimes there might be some grey area, but so true? I don't get it. Do you mean that the person said something that exceeds the normal levels of truth? It's idiotic.

9. Not everything is OMG or LOL funny. A kid getting hit in the balls with a wiffleball bat is hilarious. Your daughter asking the whereabouts of the cookies is not. Unless of course, she's covered with cookie crumbs. We're also all not that funny and even those of us who are considered funny, don't always translate well to story telling. I appreciate family stories more than anyone, but it's not always the kind where I fall on the floor and scream laughing. A simple smile works.

10. Top Ten Lists. They are "so" yesterday...the ultimate yesterday.


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